Solitude and The Long Road Evelyn's Path part 16

It was a quick walk back to the hospital. As I got on the elevator, one of those large, slow-moving ones they always have in hospitals, the door began to close when a hand stopped it, and pushed it open. Two women, one pushing a stroller with two babies, the other carrying a bag of baby things...

I gave them a polite nod, sparing the children a quick glance but not paying them too much attention, kids usually liked me, but if one of them started bawling in the elevator I'd rather not be the cause.

The woman with the bags was young, maybe 19 or 20. Pretty, dressed plainly and wearing no makeup. The other looked strangely familiar.

'What floor?' I asked after a moments silence, realizing I was blocking ready access to the controls.

'Fifth please.'

I paused as I noticed the other woman, trying to place me. 'Say do I know you?' I blinked and reached up to touch my necklace. With a nod I thumbed the 5th floor button for a second time, it finally dawning on me who the lovely woman was. 'Stella? It's been a long time, I last saw you your wedding.'

At the wedding she was all dolled up. Today she was dressed more simply, but still wearing some make-up, she looked back and said, 'Yes. Evelyn.' She smiled and I noticed how tall she was for a human female, even in flats. About 5'10.'

I paused, a noting the welcome was less than warm and inviting. Then again I was a stranger for the most part, and she coudl likely sense I was.. Tainted, I reminded myself silently. 'And who are these two little darlings?' I forced myself to smile and glanced down again, tempted to asked who the father was but recalled etiquette forbade such questions.

Stella offered me her hand, then she introduced her family. 'This is Stacey, our awesome nanny. And this is Julian and Violet.' She pointed. You might have met them briefly at the wedding.

'Ah yes, I do remember, my attention was on the blushing brides I confess.' I forced another smile, hopefully warmer this time, and held out a hand to Stacy. 'I'm Evelyn, Ellen's-' I hesitated, the phrase ex-girlfriend seeming a poor choice of words 'friend.' I finished lamely.

The babies were both blonde like mom, dressed to distinguish boy from girl. Stacey took my hand, offering a simple 'Good to meet you. Evelyn, are you here to see Sarah?' Her voice took on a note of concern at her name.

I shook my head. 'I wanted to check in on Ellen, I saw Sarah earlier she's... In a bad way from what Jenny told me. With how close Ellen is with Sarah I can only imagine how hard this must be for her.'

Stella nodded. 'But Sarah's going to be okay. Most of what's wrong with her now just needs a little time.'

I glanced at my naked wrist, remembering I'd lost wrist watch number eight hundred and seventeen not long before going to Africa. Looking up I nodded reassuringly 'Sometimes the most painful wounds are invisible to outsiders. But even those heal in time with the right help from friends.' I leaned back against the wall, still turning over Jenny's words of cold comfort and my decision to bring things to a final end.

Stella's voice warmed in agreement. 'Very true.' She looked me up and down, and smiled. Not a seductive smile, but knowing. 'You look like you have some of your own to patch up.'

I blinked and started down at my finger nails, half expecting flecks of dried blood to be clearly visible beneath the edges. Is it that obvious I've killed? I thought, realizing after perhaps it was the puffiness of my eyes from crying earlier that gave me away. 'You might say I grew up some in Africa. I was, blooded there.'

I regretted my choice of words almost as soon as I said them, but it was what the Tribe has referred to my defense of their village as. 'A great blooding' they called it, and it was hard to find a better way to describe the event without trivializing it.

Stacey gasped, but Stella put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She looked at me. 'If you ever need to talk to someone... professionally...'

I waved a hand dismissively, not wishing to upset Stacy 'It was nothing really, a tribal ceremony of passage.' I knew my eyes spoke differently, but doubted Stacy would notice. 'It will all make sense if you read my next Life As book Stacy.' I added, hoping to forestall any confusion.

Stella searched in her pockets and came up empty. 'I'm a doctor, and just passed by boards in Psychiatry. We can talk, completely confidential.'

Why would I need to talk when i have a solution? I wondered silently, nodding in thanks 'I would like that actually. I think.' I felt a twinge of regret at the simple deception, but quietly wondered if would feel good to talk to a second person, possibly.

I reached into my purse and pulled out my latest Life As book, writing my cell # and email on the inside cover and signing it. 'Here, you can get a hold of me easier this way.' I passed it across to her, the leaping dolphin on the cover catching the elevators lights to transform it into a shimmering specter for a brief moment.

Stella took it, and passed it to Stacey. She stepped forward and looked at me. She reached up to brush my hair back a bit. 'I want to help people like us work through the trauma of Expression and the problems with living like we do. I might not be the most brilliant mind in the field, but I know more about what you've faced than any Baseline.'

I flinched as Stella brushed back my hair, finding her sudden close proximity both invasive, yet welcoming at the same time. 'Call Jenny and tell her I said she could share what I told her with you, if you still want to help I'll be happy to lay on you.'

'Your couch I mean, at your office!' I added hastily, blushing furiously at my Freudian slip. Great going girl, at least with her rep she was used to unintentional come-ons. I thought to myself fiercely, trying to smile and make light of my slip up.

Stella smiled and her nose crinkled. I'd seen crinkled noses before, but this woman must have invented nose crinkling, she did it so perfectly. 'You are adorable.' Then she shook her head. 'I won't call Jenny. But if you come to my office, everything you say to me is confidential and free of judgment. And I know it might be odd... being Ellen's wife... but I take my oaths seriously. I just want to help people like us come to terms with it.'

I cringed inwardly, not wishing to confess a second time to someone that was a near complete stranger. Outwardly I smiled and nodded. 'Really, it would be better if you spoke to Jenny first, just trust me on that okay? Where is your office by the way? Like I said, I live in Manhattan right now.'

'Ellen and I live in the Washington Square Hotel, on the north end of Greenwich Village.' She snaps her finger. 'You should come for dinner, since you live so close.'

I smiled and nodded, the idea of a home cooked meal appealing to me briefly. 'It's a deal, but only if you speak to Jenny first, it'll just make things easier.' I paused as I realized I was leaning on the elevator hold button 'Oops! Sorry about that.' I stepped back and shook my head at my own naivete as the elevator shuddered back into motion.

'Sorry, I've been away from civilization for a while.' I added lamely, fishing for any excuse to make me seem more normal.

'Don't worry about it. We just move on from these little things.' Stella commented. Somehow I got the feeling she wasn't talking about the elevator. 'Anyway, I'd really rather you tell me what you need to tell me in your own words, when you're ready, in the proper setting. Until then, it's just steaks and beer.'

I shook my head, the idea of confessing twice just too much for me to handle. 'Dinner sounds great, I'll need to give the rest some thought. 'What are your rates by the way?' I stepped back to allow Stacy and the strollers to exit the elevator first as it opened with a cheerful ping. Pasting a plastic smile in place.

'I never ask anyone to pay for my...' She paused to give me a second look... 'service.' She winked, but also crinkled her nose again. She motioned for me to precede her off the elevator.

I felt myself blushing, the sudden image of me entwined on a couch with Stella in the throes of passion suddenly very real in my mind. 'You have no idea how badly I need those... Services.' I whispered quietly to myself before stepping off the elevator and looking about for Ellen.

Ellen's was in the waiting room and already on her feet. Dressed in a simple broomstick skirt and blouse, fetching, but demure, and she moved right up to me for a hug and peck on my cheek. 'Evie!'

'Ellen!' I exclaimed excitedly, returning the embrace eagerly, a bit more eagerly than I intended. 'It's been too long since we last caught up!' I pretended to smile and thought of how best to summarize my time in Africa without seeming certifiable and attracting the attention of men in white coats, with straight jackets and needles full of lidocane.

After a moments pause I continued, 'Africa was a growing experience for me, I learned how African lions lived, and got adopted by a tribe of Swahili.' I gestured to my necklace and put on the most cheerful expression I could fake under the circumstances.

Ellen pulled back and looked at me and smiled, and her eyes shined, for a moment she'd forgotten why we were here. 'Too long,' she agreed. 'Especially with us living so close. Stella's right, you have to come to dinner.'

They worship me as their savior and think I'm a goddess of primal rage and vengeance. I added mentally to myself, feeling somewhat proud at the label despite it's origins. Outwardly I nodded with enthusiasm. giving my friend a playful wink, remembering the good times we'd shared, and feeling a warmth at being in her company once more, even if the circumstances were less than ideal.

Ellen leaned in and kissed my cheek. 'I'm glad you're here. The more friendly faces Sarah sees, the better, and at this point I can use one or two more myself.'

'I hear that.' I said quietly, keenly aware of how deeply I'd missed human contact, the ceremony with the tribal's not withstanding. 'We should talk somewhere more secluded,' I said quietly, feeling suddenly self conscious of the hospital staff and civilians.

Ellen took my hand and pulled me to the waiting area, where she sat next to me. Stella sat on the other side. Ellen reached into the stroller and freed Violet, pulling her to her knee. 'You've met my favorite girl, right?'

Stella made a raspberry noise as Ellen waved a hand. 'I only married you to get my hands on the babies.' She held the six month old with care and love, and nibbled at her cheek. Violet cooed at the attention.

I shook my head, realizing for the first time I hadn't had the chance to be formally introduced yet. 'I only saw them briefly at the wedding. I know this is really not my business but...' I smiled and looked back and forth between Ellen and her wife. 'It's a little hard for lesbians to have babies together.' I giggled a little recalling the times I'd spent scissoring with Ellen on her couch years ago.

'Stella's babies. But they're mine now.'

'Hey!' Stella yelled in mock anger.

'You snooze you lose. Right Violet?' Violet laughed at the funny voice.

I laughed briefly, glad they hadn't been offended by my inquiry. But noticing they had chosen to avoid naming the father regardless.

Stella picked up Julian, 'You can go ahead and tell her.'

'You sure?' Ellen asked as I waited patiently.

'They're lucky to have such great mothers.' I smiled briefly, recalling how warm and supportive my own had been about my career at the museum, considerably less about my books.

'She's your friend. If you trust her, I trust her.' Stella insisted.

I nodded, reassured by the acceptance, waiting for them to reach a consensus.

Ellen kissed her wife on the cheek at her words, then smiled at me and your compliment.

'Okay. Evie... please meet Violet Sarah Lancaster, and Julian Louis Lancaster. Sarah's half brother and sister.' She made violet's arm wave and violet laughs. 'Hi, Evie!' She appeared to say in a little baby voice.

I smiled and waved back 'Hi there, you look just like your mommy.' It felt good to be doing something normal again, even if it was for only a moment.

'It's a good thing too, since I'm a girl. But I hope my baby brother grows up to look like his daddy.' Ellen was definitely getting creepy with the baby voice.

I gave an awkward smile feeling a little uneasy with Ellen's ventriloquism, hoping to change the subject before it got down right disturbing. 'Would you like to gab a coffee? I saw this Caffeine Heaven coffee shop a half a block from here when I was with Jenny earlier, You wouldn't believe me if I told you what passed for caffeinated beverages in Africa.' I laughed and adjusted my purse strap on my shoulder.

Stella leaned forward, holding Julian, and I realized with a start she was breast feeding him. 'You don't have to do that, unless we've made you uncomfortable. It doesn't embarrass me.'

Ellen smiled. 'Nothing embarrasses her. But I'm okay with it too.' Her look soured a tad at the mention of Jenny's name, though.

I grinned, recalling the plethora of bare chested women I saw in Africa 'I think eight out of every ten women in Africa go topless,' I sighed at the memories, 'So no worries on making me uncomfortable.' I paused, wondering what the history between Ellen and Jenny was, making a note to pry into it later.

Stella looks at Ellen 'We should--'

'We're not going to Africa.' Ellen cut her off without a seconds hesitation.

'Awww....' Stella whined softly.

I smiled briefly at the idea of them visiting Africa, my smile vanishing when I recalled the number of AK '47 toting thugs that populated the continent. 'I wouldn't advise it, really.' My voice dropped an octave, the sentence coming out more serious than I intended.

'Really I could just go for some actual coffee, gnawing on Yoco tree just isn't the same.' I changed the subject hurriedly, not wishing to clarify my previous statement.

Ellen looked around. 'Yeah. Okay. Some tea would be lovely. I feel like clearing the cobwebs after my accidental nap.'

'Great, the sludge they tried to pass off as coffee at the airport would make even a sewer rat cringe, trust me, I'd know.' I laughed at my personal joke, standing up and gesturing to the elevator.

Ellen rose, handing Violet to Stacey. 'Stacey, you want your usual?'

'Yes, please.' She answered quickly.

'Lets go, before my taste buds leave without me.' The smell of the hospital was quickly threatening to kill my desire for food or drink.

Ellen turned to follow along.

I headed back to the elevator, nodding contentedly, inwardly debating between espresso and cappuccino, the closeness of my old friend momentarily silencing my inner demons, and awakening other desires.