Claw of the heart
An dagger made by setting a long sharp gem in a silver hilt. Its owners rarely survive for a few days...
The sun was setting and Hensaz loaded the wood into his cart. He finaly finished and let out a long sigh. It was dark now and it was a long walk home. He started pushing the cart full of wood down the road. After five miles the road turned and went passed the grave yard. The crypts cast eire shadows along the road. Sudenly something gave him the urge to go into the grave yard. He wandered deeper and deeper into it and sudenly triped over a tree root. In the grass was a long red shard of crystal it pulsed with a dim light. He picked it up looking it over. It pulsed faster and thoughts crept into his mind. They all wanted it all of them. Morning came and a small party of the town guard came to look for him. In the graveyard they found an old man gibbering and clutching the shard. When they tried to talk to him he stabed one with the shard. They killed the man but the body wasn't of a old man it was of Hensaz...
Magical Properties:
The gem is evil it uses its powers of illusions to make its owners go insane and makes them seem like gibbering old men. If in contact with the dagger for more than an hour it shows illusions of people stealing it from you or trying to kill you. It can cast sympathy on its self when it finds a owner it likes once affected the owner will become obbsesed with the dagger and kill anyone who says anything to them. Otherwise it is a normal dagger.
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? Responses (8)
Like the name.
Anyway...
Punctuation. Spelling. 'Nuff said.
The ability is rather cliche. A dagger that makes you covet it an be paranoid. Wow. How original.
Why would such an item come into being? Who created it? What is the point of it's curse?
3/5.
Pirate Penguin sez...
Repeat after me Pirate Penguin.
'If I don't have something constructive to say, I will NEVER EVER post.'
Say it till it sinks in.
.... yours,
Pirate Penguin.
Agar sez ...
Pirate Penguin, if you don't have anything to say about WHY you did or didn't like the post, DON'T comment! Post WHAT you didn't like about the item, so that we can all see the issues you have. Just saying it wasn't good doesn't help anything.
I am in agreement with Capt, puctuation-wise, I didn't see the spelling problem, but whatever.
I would like to know a few things. First off, what is this 'sympathy' spell it can cast on itself, I've never heard of it. Also, how did it become cursed? Was it once good and became tainted, or was it made to be cursed?
3/5
Why? That is my main question, as the others saw as well...although this thing is way too powerful to be useful anyway. What is the fun of it if it works so fast with no hope? Everything is too extreme and overbearing leaving no room to actually use it or attempt to cure the curse.
But back to why. These things make no sense to me because I see no reason for it. Was there a jealous magician that wanted to ruin a rival? Backfire of another weapon? With no reason and no history it makes no sense. 2/5 because it has some potential but unuseable in its current state.
I can imagine many history's or reasons for the existance of this object.
No hope..... Well, I would have a difficult time to explain to someone else how to 'save' if I do not want to fall into system terminologie.
All in all however, I miss all the details and have to make all the story up. I go like Strolen (2/5)
The title is good, and I like the story-telling style you used to start the piece. It seems like you rushed to finish it however, and didnt give as complete a picture as you could have.
Aside from editorial issues, the story of Hensaz wasn't badly written although on the actual item, it's really just sth that will get whoever acquires it killed in prob. no time unless it's picked up by a hermit living in a place with nobody else. I will go with a vote of 2 as well since as it is, I think it could be some random story told by an odd old man who goes around villages telling stories or sth (like Belgara in the Belgariad by David Eddings)