Lifeforms
Ethereal
Plains
1
3 Votes

-6xp


Hits: 75
Comments: 6
Ideas: 0
Rating: 1
Condition: Requires Edit
ID: 2658

Submitted:

Updated:
May 28, 2006, 8:22 am

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spirit warriors of doom

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these etheral warriors are the bane of all good things in the world.

Full Description
Spectre-like these deadly warriors float all over the plains.
They are known and feared rightly by many different races around the worlde.
They are feared because of their ruthlessness in combat and their devious cunning in capturing their enemy’s.
They are the ghosts of once mighty warriors that have been cursed by the eldar gods because they refused to help fight against the lord of the dark elves of Enirian with the templars of the order of shining light.
( for more information on the order of shinig light keep checking the societies page, it will appear thie soon).

Additional Information
These deadly warriors cannot be destroyed by normal weapons.
They can only be destroyed by weapons that are imbued with magic or inscribed with powerful runes of breaking and dismemberment. only high or light magic imbued weapons can harm them.



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Comments ( 6 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Roack
May 22, 2006, 9:00
0xp
Quite simply, four sentences does not constitute a post. While I'm at it, why are they feared? What causes them to roam the plains? Furthermore, what type of rune-inscribed/enchanted weapons can they be destroyed with, and again, why?
Voted Scrasamax
May 22, 2006, 9:11
Only voted
Voted Cheka Man
May 22, 2006, 11:14
0xp
1/5 for this.
MoonHunter
May 24, 2006, 13:38
0xp
Okay Freddie, nice try. Now lets do this for real. You have some good ideas, lets see if we can salavage something. There are five points you need to meet to make this a submission not worth scrubbing.

First: Review!
Review the top rated posts of the category you want to post it. If you want to do an item, click into items, then the highest rated (in red) and it will give you a list of the best items. Read the first ten or so.

Is your post anything like any of those?

Second: Effort!
This is your major failing point in my opinion. You need to focus on this. Put some thought into your post. Take your time putting the post into print. Taking time to do a post right shows you care not only about your audience and yourself, but you care about the thing you are posting about. If you aren't spending a minimum of 15 to 30 minutes on the post, it will probably be abused and low rated. Most of us spend 45 to 60 minutes on a post. Some of us considerably more. Remember, you will spend more time actually thinking about your post before you put it up, if you want to do it right.

Remember that you can edit your post, so if you find something wrong, go back and fix it. This is for minor improvements. You need a major overhaul.

Third: Check it!
I really mean it. Go through your posts. Make sure it follows the basic rules of grammar . Sentences start with capital letters, end with punctuation, and have everything moderately correct in between. Extra lines should be inserted between paragraphs (and there should be paragraphs). I can not stress the next part more that simply scream, "Spell check!". If you can, copy (from web site) and paste (into word processor) your post into a WP with spell check. Run the spell check (and the grammar check if it has it). Copy and paste it back. If you do this, it will automatically improve your post by one point (on average). If we can simply and easily read your post, we can start critiquing it rather than your awful spelling.

If English is not your primary language (and it seems like it is), let us know. However, be warned that many of our best posters have English as a second, third, or even fourth language. So all we ask is that you continue to work at it, to get it right. http://www.strolen.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1559


Fourth: Completeness!
This is your second major failing point, so I want you to pay attention to this one. Your posts needs to tell us nearly everything about the subject. You should strive for items that are generic, rather than dependent on a specific setting or campaign. While being vague can help make the item more "generic", you need to "imply" the answers. (For example: while my game might not have Rykor the BloodSlayer, I can figure out an approximate match "The most dreaded demon riding Dark Knight in history.") Implied answers act as guidelines for the GM/ Player adapting the post.

To be complete, your post needs to answer; "Who is involved?", "What is happening (and where and when)?" and "How and why things occur?". If it is an item or setting then include: What is the item/place? and What can it do?

Details are not as important as completeness. Read your post. Is there anything that someone (who doesn't know your campaign and the backstory) might have a question about? If you find such a question, edit the write up and include the answer to that question. Keep reading your post until you have answered every question (including ones that seem really stupid... there are a lot of really stupid people out there).

Fifth: The Gold Standard
If your post could not be part of a published fantasy novel, it needs work. That is what you should aim for.

If your post is not as well described and developed as something you would find in a published fantasy novel (excluding most DnD licensed novels), then it is not equal to the gold standard and needs work.

This standard is really not that hard to meet. New members often meet it on their first or second try. You do not need to be a professional writer, you just need to put a little effort into doing it right. Now, we want you to take this one back and apply what I have just given you.

Second Gold Standard
The second gold standard, or Silver Standard if you will, is "Is this as complete a paper published product?" Was this done "enough" that someone would be paying money for it (if it was part of a greater whole)? Again, this is not a hard standard to meet, it just takes some work.

That is what you really need to do, apply some work to your post. It is too short to be useful to another gamer. It does not explain everything people need to know about this group so they can use it in their campaign. It is poorly written in terms of English and Grammar. In short, put it back in the working place and give it another try.
chilled
May 25, 2006, 8:05
0xp
it's not as bad as it looks but i agree with Moonhunter it does need some good upgrading.
i'll vote on this later if you upgrade it.


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