History
True magic was captured in weapon many millenia ago . When first kingdoms and nations appeared . It was in time when one holy man walked the earth (it was said that he could do miracles ) , and during his violent death rift to heaven and hell opened and surges of magic runed thru the world , many new races were created that day . Some of that magic was captured in items , during centuries that magic became stronger . Thanks to that magic items , many kings expand their kingdoms , persons became heroes ,legends were made in that ancient time . Now we take closer look on one particular item who holds true magic inside , that item is corrupted by forces of darkens , and serve to manipulate and sway people .
Description
Executioner is artefakt melee weapon , who acts as gate to hell . When ever it kills person , his soul is captured in hell. Demon Lord collects souls as his personal army , and when numbers are enough to release them in mortal world . Demon Lord manipulates weilder of weapon , to kill more and more , granting wielder powerful spells , and physical power . The purer soul is killes its better , weapon can even capture soul of angel, with torture and time to turn him into dark angel . Wielder can willingly travel to hell to question souls , and if crazy and powerful enough to challenge Demon Lord to duel . Demon Lord if beaten by wielder dies , or is put in chains to serve wielder ,to serve new ruler of that private part of hell .
Cursed/Magic properties
Weapon is a tool of Demon Lord , he amplify one of the seven sins ( lust , pride , greed...etc) . Also he gives spells and abilities to the wielder, ( chosen by DM appropriate to the system ) so that PC is fooled by thinking its powerful artefakt , but with every spell cast wielder looses sanity . If weapon is wielded by good person , he slowely looses sanity (depending on how many sanity points wielder has, he gain`s more spells and abilities ) , and finaly gain`s disorder , so that Demon Lord can easily manipulate him . Evil person must just show obidience to Deamon (then he will gain full potencial of weapon ) , but even then Deamon will give him disorder with time . Weapon has bonus DMG agains good , and gives to the wielder bonus 5% exp for every single person killed , no mather good or evil . This weapon is meant for people in positions of authority to wield , beacose they can easily kill many people .
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? Responses (7)
First thing first. Organization and grammar. Your submission is difficult to read due to your formatting and grammar mistakes. I'd suggest breaking it up into smaller paragraphs, and carefully looking at how your sentences are composed.
I concur with Infested Jerk. Print it out on a sheet of paper and read it aloud to yourself or better yet have a friend read it to you.
This item does not seem cursed, typically a cursed item has some sort of detrimental effect on the wielder.
Is Damon Lord a person, or do you mean Deamon?
Linguistic mechanics aside, I suggest clarifying powers of the blade, and their consequences and conditions of use.
i write this in "flight" when i have time, piece by piece . english is my second language , i think it will always be grammar mistakes ...
English is a very hard language. I'd suggest reading as much english writing as possible (strolen.com can help!)- it will help your own compositions.
Hey there
two comments:
a) do not write in flight. Bide time in your work to polish it.
b) numerous other authors have English as their second, third etc language. If you need help, get it from either someone on your side of the net, or from a Strolenite. Again, invest effort, it will show in the quality of the piece.
We all work hard on our subs, many of us taking days or weeks to get them just right. I'm sure you can too! A little extra effort, maybe letting it sit for a day or two while you think it over, can really help.
Like Echo said, don't write in flight, it results in quick, rushed work, that really will only get a bad reception.
And there are plenty of people who can help you with your language translation, all you need do is ask.