“ You realize a group of men is going right to you. The man in front has a hard determined look on his face, the two men behind follow him with some uneasiness. He stops before you, holding the handle of his sword in one hand, and slaps (choose person carefully) with leather gloves he carries in the other hand. 'Rhadagald Thinvoice, I challenge You to a duel to dea...' Stopping abruptly, he realizes this is the wrong person.”
“ This is an idea for a basic weapon which I have adapted partially into a fighter subclass. Let me know what you think, because if it's any good, I may post the subclass.
Double Bulwark Shield
Melee weapon (martial, shield)
Category: Items
Damage: 1d6 per hand, 1d4 together
Damage Type: Bludgeoning
Item Rarity: Standard
Weight: 6
When wielding the Double Bulwark Shield in two separate parts, you gain +2 to your AC, +1 per hand.
When wielding two separate parts of the Double Bulwark Shield, you can take an action to bring the two halves of your shield together. Your movement is halved as long as the shield is brought together. If you move or attack after bringing your shield together this turn, you receive a +3 bonus to your AC. If you don’t move or attack after switching this turn, you and an ally directly behind you receive a +5 bonus to your AC. This action is known as Steadfast.
Once the shield is brought together, you may take a bonus action to become Steadfast even if you attack this turn. However, you may not move or attack after becoming Steadfast.
Taking apart your shield is considered a free action.”
“ 'BB9, bring up the current scout results.'
'I'm sorry, Coach. I can't do that.'
'BB9! Bring up the scout results.'
'These kinds of us, Coach, use serial numbers on our products.'
'BB9, are you malfunctioning?'
'You need to indicate college basketball mentors you are significantly devoted to the adventure!'
The two men in black suits turned to each other. Their faces were white.
'Someone get the president on the line! Tell him that our ICBM handler thinks that its managing a high school basketball team!'”