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Chuliks
By:
[DELETED]
| Hits: | 1083 |
| Comments: | 4 |
| Ideas: | 0 |
| Rating: | 3.25 |
| Condition: | Deleted |
| ID: | 5781 |
A local sculptor of note has chosen to honor the adventurers by crafting lifelike statues of them. While he hopes to surprise them by setting the statues up in their home while they are off adventuring, he may have underestimated the paranoia of the typical adventurer. Provided that he can get in, is he likely to survive whatever precautions they have against intruders? Assuming he lives, what will they make of finding statues in their house?
1xp
May 21, 2009, 17:21
The Chuliks are, to me, like orcs that have been advanced to civilization. The writing is easy to read, which is always a plus. There are two things that I would like to see.
First, when you mention the Khibils, although you link to them, you should also tell a bit about them, even if it only a short sentence. This tells us what they are without us having to click on the link and read the sub.
Secondly, I would like more about Shathana, their homeland. You say it is the far South, is it surrounded by jungles? Deserts? Something else entirely?
Good job, RGTraynor, and welcome to the Citadel!
May 21, 2009, 18:33
May 22, 2009, 8:41
May 24, 2009, 18:54
And in truth, the description is pretty scant - big guys with yellow skin and tusks. Mini ogres?
Your writing as Drackler has commented is good and readable, but this like others is a good start.