$Strolen\s Citadel content.$

Lifeforms

Intelligent Species

Any

Deleted

3.25

4 Votes

8xp

Hits:	964
Comments:	4
Ideas:	0
Rating:	3.25
Condition:	Deleted
ID:	5781

Submitted:
May 21, 2009, 4:50 pm
Updated:
October 13, 2012, 5:50 am

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Chuliks

By:

RGTraynor

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Comments ( 4 )

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Drackler
May 21, 2009, 17:21

0xp

I like it!
The Chuliks are, to me, like orcs that have been advanced to civilization. The writing is easy to read, which is always a plus. There are two things that I would like to see.
First, when you mention the Khibils, although you link to them, you should also tell a bit about them, even if it only a short sentence. This tells us what they are without us having to click on the link and read the sub.
Secondly, I would like more about Shathana, their homeland. You say it is the far South, is it surrounded by jungles? Deserts? Something else entirely?
Good job, RGTraynor, and welcome to the Citadel!

Cheka Man
May 21, 2009, 18:33

0xp

They make me think of the Hulk.

Scrasamax
May 22, 2009, 8:41

0xp

Proud warrior guys with a penchant for kung-fu. Better than the Fristles and the khibils. Still they are one dimensional but there is a feel for their culture.

valadaar
May 24, 2009, 18:54

0xp

Again agree with Scras - there is at least some measure of culture here which is better. The problem is that there really is not to use directly without doing a lot of one's own creation.

And in truth, the description is pretty scant - big guys with yellow skin and tusks. Mini ogres?

Your writing as Drackler has commented is good and readable, but this like others is a good start.

Freetext

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