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Items
Melee Weapons
Combat
2.22
9 Votes

-2xp


Hits: 4703
Comments: 10
Ideas: 0
Rating: 2.2222
Condition: Normal
ID: 692

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Updated:
January 16, 2007, 4:02 pm

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Beligitor

By:

All that was left on the battlefield that day was a worn rusty sword, with BELIGITOR etched in the Blade.

A blacksmith toils day in and day out, working on a blade fit for a king. The king in fact seeked a glorious sword to lead his army against the evil wizard Malick. Malick had plagued the land for many years and left the people of the land in fear of everything. The king, Vansfield hoped that the glory of the sword would help bring the people out of their fear and draw them to fight for this most just cause. Setting out on his journey he took the sword out at every town seeking any who would aid his cause.

Not far into his journey he had found several people for his army, but waiting for him on the path to the next town was Malick.

“That sword will not stop me Vansfield. I will continue my rule.” Malick stated. He then chanted “Aloois Dey Carttei” castting down the sword and turning it into a rusty, worn and broken sword.

Feeling failed and down hearted Vansfield dropped to his knees upon the sword cursing Malick every breath. He picked up the sword, and ran at Malick, anger and fear filling him. The spell seeming unfinished wraped itself around Vansfield flowing threw his veins litteraly seeing the true purpose he had for the sword it reformed itself making the sword reform into the glorious state it once had. Startled at his failed attepmt to destroy the hopes of the people once again, Malick stared onward as Vansfield rose to strike him with the blade.

Then their was a clash. Malick recovered from the stun and had drew his blade, blocking the attack.

Meanwhile Beligitor the master of speed was walking through the area. seeing the clash of the two and sensing the intensions of both warriors he stopped and focused on the battle. Knowing what the blades could do if alowed to remain apart he sacrificed himself to trap the two blades himself and the warriors in one blade. All that was left on the battlefield that day was a worn rusty sword, with BELIGITOR etched in the Blade.

Magical Properties:

Gives the User or Wielder enhanced speed, and reflexes making anyone facing them appear slower and less acurate.

Just like when wielded against Malick the blade will once again take on the glorius state when wielded by a warrior with intentions of forcing out evil.

When used in any other way it takes the appearance of a black blade with dragon claws at the hilt.

Malicks blade drew energy from its victims, and Malick so longs to free himself from the steel prison so the new blade Belligitor draws energy from the user to aid Malick.

Beligitor however is working to counter this action by makeing the sword start to bond with the wielder. This weakens the ability of the drain, though should the wielder die, he will however be fully absorbed by Malick, and their is no greater energy, than spirit energy, for Malick.



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Comments ( 10 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

knightsceam
September 6, 2005, 11:21
0xp
let me know what you think.
~~
Wogden
September 6, 2005, 14:20
1xp
Well.

First off, please, please capitalize your sentences. Please. It makes it so much easier for people to tell where they begin or end, which in turn makes for an easier read. A teeny little spell-check wouldn't hurt either.

Second, the premise is acceptable, but at the moment it's rather short. A background would help. Who made it? When? Why? Who wielded it? When? Why? Who cursed it? etc., etc. A good backstory makes any item worthwhile.

I'm not gonna vote yet, that wouldn't be fair to you. If you flesh it out and put capitals in your sentences, I'll give you a vote.
Cheka Man
September 6, 2005, 15:05
0xp
An interesting idea. I feel like making an item of this type with a proper background and backstory.I won't vote unless it is fleshed out.
Voted CaptainPenguin
September 6, 2005, 17:05
0xp
I sort of disagree.
I think that it is, to some extent, a good idea- it boosts the user's speed, but they use proportionally more energy.
But my first objection to this sword is that it has no history. Where did it come from? Why is it called "Beligitor"? Why does it have its power?
Second, the various magic things about the sword- the speed power, the rusty/shiny appearance, and the "bonding" with the user, all seem rather tacked together. There's no inner order to the thing- why would the change in appearance go with the speed enhancement? I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but for some reason it irks me in this item.
Third, the grammar is rather mediocre. Might want to work on that, this is like 5th grade or 6th grade writing here.
I forgot the 4th reason. :)

Oh, and I'm not withholding my vote. I don't do that. For you I say...

2/5.
Voted Finger Master
September 6, 2005, 20:38
1xp
I concur with the penguin, it seems tacked together. It seems almost unswordlike to alter someone's metabolism -- even magically, that would be more characteristic of an amulet or something (or even better, a potion).

And I'm also curious as to the etymology of "beligitor." I'm all for obscure permutations of words as names, but I don't get this one.

The food thing, although quirky, isn't going to be real drawback. Any party worthy of such a powerful sword ought not to have any food problems.

The whole sword-boasting thing smells of my Cathexis, btw. But I'm glad that it was such a seminal post.
knightsceam
September 7, 2005, 9:10
0xp
I redid the weapon somewhat and am awaiting the results. I apoligize if their are any "miss-spellings" or "gammar" issues but no one is perfect. I really thank you for the critism and want to learn more about making items and other things for this site, so let me know if I can change anything else about my style. Thanks.
~~
Finger Master
September 7, 2005, 23:27
0xp
Re-do looks much better. Nice story -- overwrought, to be sure, but cool. Just watch the run-on sentences.
Voted Wogden
September 10, 2005, 11:21
0xp
Alrighty. You've put some effort into it now. Now it gets a vote.

You've still got a few spelling errors in there and a couple of run-on sentences, but I thank you profusely for fixing the capitals in the sentences. That's one extra point.

The backstory is good. It gives a reason for the sword's forging, and a reason for the sword's cursing. You definitely improved, and that's worth another point.

So, over all, I classify it as an Alright Idea. 3/5.
knightsceam
September 13, 2005, 8:07
0xp
I thank you.
Even though it is a 3/5, it gives me a base to work on.
I am working on Malick, Vansfield, and Beligitior(the person), and a plot for this to so you knowv things happen.
~~
Voted Strolen
April 21, 2008, 20:09
0xp
I think there is a good idea. The first half of the post had me going but then the details got confused a little and it seemed a bit rushed. If you took your time with it and let it fill itself out by just telling the story of it then this would be a pretty good post. It has some good dynamics that seemed to disappear half way through.


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