Full Item Description
the ‘‘genjist’’ armor is a powerful armor used by a legendary hero. it provides a subtle yet comforting feel.
raises defence by 200 points.
The 'genjist' armor is a prime example of a drastically insufficient submission. While there is nothing wrong with a short submission, this one is painfully devoid of basic detail. We have no idea what the genjist armor looks like, or what kind it is. Worse yet, why is 'genjist' in quotation marks?
The inclusion of the statement 'Raises defence by 200 points screams that this item came from a video game of some sort. There is nothing wrong taking inspiration from a game, but the stats and numbers are better left in said game. It would be more fitting to provide an example of ability rather than a number. Instead of saying +200 defence, the text could read that the 'genjist' armor is capable of stopping even the hammer blows of giants without so much as a dent.
used by a legendary hero whos name is unaquired
The History of a magic item should be explained, even if in a cursory fashion. While terribly cliche, being made by a wizard is more than is provided here. We have no idea of where the armor came from or why it was made. There is instead only a reference to a legendary hero who's name is unacquired. If the hero cannot be named, he or she is certainly not legendary.
This could be improved with a brief paragraph about who made it and why. This could be a short wizard made it for a king blurb or an involved epic of how a holy man assisted the unnamed hero steal the armor from the holy dead or somesuch. The hero can be given a few vague exploits that are only touched on for a moment, to give a feel for the armor.
takes 2 points of health from an attacker
Again the gamespeak leaks out. I'm sure if I knew the game that this was inspired by I would understand this statement. As it is, I have no idea if the armor has some mystic function that steals health from foes, or if this is some sort of oddly worded damage reduction function. This section should point out the functional abilities of the armor, what it is vulnerable to, and what sort of other things that might be worth noting.