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Fauna
Any
2.95
10 Votes

9xp


Hits: 2954
Comments: 18
Ideas: 0
Rating: 2.95
Condition: Normal
ID: 5009

Submitted:

Updated:
May 12, 2008, 11:50 pm

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Tooky Bird

By:

AH-AH-E-E-TOOKY-TOOKY!!

Full DescriptionThe adventurers have bedded down for the night,the mages badly in need of ‘beauty’ sleep.
When screaming in the night AH-AH-E-E-TOOKY-TOOKY! !No one sleeps until the damn Tooky bird is dead.

  The Tooky bird is for the most part an ordinary parrot about 18 inches long. It is red with a purple and green head(quite pretty)It eats nuts,bugs and fruit. So why are you reading this? The Tooky Bird is very territorial. It will wait until the adventurers have slept a few hours(it is hoping you will leave)and then the ear shattering(ok not that loud)shriek,AH-AH-E-E-TOOKY-TOOKY from about 75 feet away. If you have the ability to talk w/ animals all it will say is ‘GO AWAY!’ It will dodge,fly and evade(it is as hard to hit as a man in plate mail),make it an epic hunt. It will sometimes stop only to come back hours later.
Eventually they defeat it.They go to bed.

Did I mention they come in pairs?

Lifecycle-Mating season(spring) in Tookyland is one of the most unpleasnt things your ears can behold. The squaking and screaching of females fighting off males is most unpleasnt.When the female finally settles on a mate she will lay 2 or 3 goldish eggs that are rather large for thier size. Once mated,the birds are together for life(about 10 years)

The Tooky makes a poor choice as a pet as it will always squak at anything dog sized or bigger(including the owner)
As a guard animal it will only work if left in an undisterbed location that is seldom used.

Adventure hooks

Your rich neibor has gotten a Tooky bird and no one on the block is getting any sleep.Infultrate and destroy.

  An old wizard on his death bed has freed his Tookys in a big city as a last request. Being territorial they are all over,will not leave ,loud and Nasty-The Town is offering a small reward for each bird terminated.



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Comments ( 18 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Barbarian Horde
May 4, 2008, 13:09
0xp
I really like the idea of this one, but there are about 3 small problems with it:

1. Punctuation. Put spaces after it. This doesn't really detract from the thing very much, but it might make the submission smoother if you add in the spaces.

2. Guys in platemail are easy to hit. Like, really easy. Unless they have really long arms and a club or something and can just smack you away before you can reach them. I think a better comparison would be "Hitting a Tooky Bird is as hard as hunting hummingbirds in full platemail with a cannon."

3. It really isn't long enough. It's a good idea, so the longer it is the better. Try and add more of a description of the bird, talk about it having an unusual beak or something. Do it's feathers have any special properties? Add some plot hooks. Like, maybe once a year the Tooky Birds all congregate at some mating place, and the PCs happen to have camped right in the middle of it. I'm sure you can think of something better than that one.

Anyway, this is a very good minor encounter.
Silveressa
May 4, 2008, 13:25
0xp
Not bad for a first sub, perhaps going into a little bit more detail as to the evolution and mating habits of the creature, as well as any possible use an entrepreneurial adventurer might have for a young creature or the eggs. (I would imagine if they could be tamed and trained to act immediately upon an intruders presence these birds would make splendid guard animals.)
Strolen
May 4, 2008, 13:58
0xp
Fun little sidequest idea. The bird would probably be a good sentinel for an area to and its shrieks may warn others that there are unwelcome visitors about.

I will hold off my vote for now.

Forgive us a little, but we are sticklers for formatting things correctly with spaces and appropriate whitespace - that will hurt you a little when it comes to votes. I think, as it stands, a 2.5 is about what I would give it. With a little editing and perhaps a few plotline ideas it would easily make a solid 3 (which is still a perfectly good post that we are more than happy with!)
Aramax
May 4, 2008, 14:44
0xp
Updated: per reader request
Voted Strolen
May 4, 2008, 15:13
0xp
Infilitrate the neighbors and destroy the bird. LOL

Good improvements!
Voted Scrasamax
May 4, 2008, 15:23
0xp
What cartoon is this bird from? George of the Jungle?
Aramax
May 4, 2008, 16:09
0xp
Yes thats where I got the Idea from
Voted Dragonlordmax
May 4, 2008, 16:32
0xp
Seems like an interesting, usable idea to me. Lovely in its insertability.

While the punctuation and so forth could be better, they aren't bad enough to make the post difficult to read, which is good.

I prefer the second hook to the first (who but a wizard would buy one of these birds?!), but they're both usable ideas.

So yes, a solid submission.
Voted Silveressa
May 4, 2008, 17:37
0xp
I like the changes a lot, it fleshes out the creature nicely and makes it more useful. (Still a few spelling errors though but they're pretty minor. (Much better than it;s first draft hence my vote is being recast higher.)
Voted valadaar
May 4, 2008, 19:11
0xp
An excellent minor encounter, but the presentation needs a bit of polishing.

As others can attest to, I tend to be distracted by spelling and punctuation errors. There are a lot of missed periods, and lack of spaces following punctuation.

For example,

"It is red with a purple and green head(quite pretty)It eats nuts,bugs and fruit. "
"It is red with a purple and green head (quite pretty). It eats nuts, bugs and fruit. "

Perhaps a personal thing with me, but I find these things distracting.
Michael Jotne Slayer
May 4, 2008, 20:59
0xp
Not a single typo escapes Val I'm afraid:)
Voted Dozus
May 4, 2008, 21:10
0xp
How mildly troublesome. :) A good first sub, Aramax, I look forward to more from you.
Voted MoonHunter
May 5, 2008, 0:03
0xp
Living in an area with feral parrots, the live up and down the peninsula here, and near a feral parrot nesting area, I can so understand people's responses to these things. Points up for a good animal that is part of the ecology and has a reason to exist, points down for making it the George of the Jungle bird. Bonus points for a first submission. We really do need more "every day" and "plug and play" items. This fits that bill nicely.

Oh, and to make life easier, they are supposed to throw this link at you:
Five Best Tips for Posting on Strolen's (and Other Places)

Also, edit out the last Additional Information if you are not going to use it. I would also recomend you make your own little headers to better organize it.
Voted Murometz
May 5, 2008, 9:50
0xp
Welcome to the site, Aramax, aka, Bob!

For me, this is an idea seed, rather than a sub. It is an annoying bird, or "mildly troublesome", as Dozus notes.

Looking forward to seeing more of your work!
Voted Misanpilgrim
May 5, 2008, 14:42
0xp
This is good, mostly. I like the idea of a creature that isn't inherently dangerous but that's just too annoying to let live. I really like the idea of tasteless rich people and senile wizards inflicting them on their hapless neighbors, necessitating a search-and-destroy mission -- that's comedy gold, right there.

The punctuation and formatting do need work.

The borrowed idea works well enough in comedy -- it might be even funnier that it's an annoying cartoon bird -- but in more serious subs it's better to disguise it. (On a side note, kudos for not posting the Aflac Duck, which would require the GM to be wearing full body armor during play.)

Speaking of body armor, the "man in plate mail" line clashes a bit with the Citadel's no-stats, system-neutral style (it's a noticeable reference to Armor Class). Worse, it implies that the bird is hard to hit because of some inherent toughness or thick hide, and not because it's small, fast, and nimble.
Wulfhere
May 6, 2008, 18:56
0xp
You might want to add that the males are territorial: If you kill one, another will soon move into the open territory...
Aramax
May 6, 2008, 19:32
0xp
Updated: minor fix
Voted Drackler
May 11, 2008, 17:05
0xp
It is a fairly good idea, but it is also a little brief. A few more details would be nice, such as where they usually nest. A good first sub, and welcome to the Citadel.


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