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Rating: 2.1667
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ID: 129

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November 6, 2005, 1:22 am

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Puzzle of Flesh

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The last Paladin lives high in the mountains, isolated and protected from the flames of the hellish, consumed world. He knows that one day the demons will come, its only a matter of time. Fearing death, he opens the knowledge of forbidden scrolls, and opening hope to the cursed planet.

A demonic fate has been unleashed on the world that has consumed most of it in raging flames and monsters of unspeakable horror. The armies of this world raised to defend its peoples. Millions of soldiers, paladins, mages, and others alike answered the call and eliminate the hellish threat. With time, the defeat of the major nations was in hand, but the people fled to a gigantic moutain that is said to be blessed. The last paladin is here, sworn to reclaim the scorched lands that were once his home. As such, he opens the last documents given to him by the final leaders of the Paladins order. The forbidden scrolls, said to have the full knowledge of the paladin paths that were discarded in favor of faith and keeping order. With these, he begins his intensive training with the knowledge of the scrolls in mind and broken memories in his heart. The more he trains, the more powerful he becomes, and the stronger he becomes. The demons draw closer with each passing day, and time is running out. He must take back the planet, or all is lost.



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Comments ( 4 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

CaptainPenguin
November 20, 2003, 17:47
0xp
*Grinds his teeth*
Okey-doke...

Well, first of all, before I start this critique, let me tell you: DON'T TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!
Now, the plot....

1. This only leaves room for one player, and he has to be a paladin.
2. Not enough details. What is on these scrolls? What does "Puzzle of Flesh" have to do with it?

Hey, if you want, I will give you the blanket metaphor, so that you don't feel hurt.
By, the way, cool name.
MoonHunter
November 21, 2003, 5:18
0xp
This is a much cooler story idea (or video game idea) than it is a roleplaying game plot. First because it defines an entire campaign, rather than a storyline. It is really the meta-plot for a campaign. Secondly because it only allows for one player and most games have two to eight players.

Perhaps can you move it to the "Fleshing out area" in the forums (make a copy in a new thread) and we can work on it there?
Erebus
December 3, 2003, 13:12
0xp
Nice imagery - the forbidden scrolls seem interesting and I like the implication that the way of truth has been diluted or lost in some way - and that the true gnosis is perhaps too dangereous.

Certainly themes I can make use of with some adaption.
Voted Murometz
June 15, 2006, 0:05
0xp
this is somewhat poorly executed, yet intriguing. The name of the sub is awesome! that gets a 2 for a grand total of 2.5 and what everyone else said.


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