Login or register. (You can now login/register with your social networks.)

4 Votes


Hits: 2362
Comments: 4
Ideas: 0
Rating: 4.375
Condition: Normal
ID: 4069


July 2, 2007, 4:30 am

Vote Hall of Honour
Cheka Man

You must be a member to use HoH votes.
Author Status


Print Friendly and PDF



"I am all that’s left of an old, old religion.  No one remembers my goddess anymore, except me.  Please, do not intrude on my solitude and contemplation."


Miklos is, at first glance, a young man in his mid-twenties.  He isn’t exactly muscular, but he’s quite fit and has a permanent tan.  Usually, he dresses in simple clothes that allow him great freedom of movement but don’t get in his way.  He has dark hair that goes to his shoulders, usually left loose.  It is only upon a much closer look that one notices how very, very old his eyes seem.


Miklos was born into the monastic priesthood of Talna, the obscure goddess of an obscure mountain tribe.  It was a life he was well suited to, and his days were spent in rites honoring the goddess, martial training, and contemplation of the beauty of his mountain home.  His devotion did not go unremarked, and it surprised no one when the wizened priest Soldai chose Miklos to be his successor as the master of the most sacred shrine the Tribe of Tanal had ever built.

Although Miklos was content with his life, things were changing.  Life on the mountain slopes was getting harder, and the Tribe was slowly drifting away, to more hospitable lands.  One by one, the temples and shrines dedicated to Talna were left behind.  In some, the aging monks stayed on, determined to stay with their goddess until they returned to her.  Others were abandoned completely, and it saddened Miklos.

Eventually the time came when the Tribe meant to leave Miklos’s temple behind as well, and the tribal leaders asked him to come with them.  Miklos, however, refused.

"You know as I do what this shrine guards.  I cannot leave Talna’s Valley abandoned and unprotected.  I will stay for as long as the goddess allows me to."

So the day came when Miklos was alone in the shrine, out of reach of his kin.  It did not really change much about his lifestyle.  Then, one night, the goddess herself spoke to him in his dreams.

"You are among the most devoted of my priests.  You are determined to guard my valley from those who would abuse it.  You do not see the same things my other children see.  You will be the one to protect my valley until the mountains crumble to dust.  I will grant you a boon in return for this service.  You will never age as long as you remain to care for the valley, and you will not die.  And if you should meet a foe you cannot keep from the valley, I will bring your people back to aid you."

Time stopped for Miklos, leaving him eternally youthful.  He took the duty given him by the goddess seriously, and never left the shrine again.  Fruits and vegetables that grew in the Valley, providing for his few needs, and his time was spent keeping the shrine mostly in repair, excercises and training of various types, studying the temple’s library, and communing with his goddess and lesser spirits.  It was a life he enjoyed.

Years turned into decades, and decades turned into centuries, and Miklos remained the same.  He gently directed the rare travellers who found the shrine away, and most never suspected what he guarded.  Those who did suspect and tried to abuse that knowledge quickly discovered that Miklos was a formidable opponent. 

He is dedicated to his duty and his goddess, and that is all he needs.

Roleplaying Notes

Miklos is a quiet, serious man, and deeply religious.  While he is by nature a peaceful man, he will not hesitate to use force if he deems someone a threat to the security of Talna’s Valley.  He is quite an expert at martial arts, as some have found out to their dismay.  He will not kill unless there is no other way, and usually the beatings he bestows on those who try to take the Valley are enough deterrent.

While he is not in any way eager for guests, he will provide shelter and food to anyone who is lost on the mountain top and/or caught by a storm.  If he does have guests, he will be hospitable enough, but remains distant and somewhat unapproachable.  And when the weather clears, he will direct guests to the nearest safe path down the mountain and drop subtle hints that they should be going.

His unaging immortality is tied to the Shrine and the Valley.  While within the confines of either, he does not age, and any injuries he receives fade away almost as soon as he is injured.  If he ever leaves the Shrine, he will begin aging immediately, and the process speeds up the longer he is away.  Within three days of being away from the Shrine, he will die.  Additionally, his invulnerability to injure does not extend past the Shrine grounds.

If he is pressed by an enemy that he cannot handle on his own and Talna’s Valley is in danger of falling into the hands of those who would abuse it, he has one last resort.  That is the Great Bell, which hangs in the main sanctuary of the temple, and will summon all the descendants of the Tribe of Talna to his aid.  He will not use it except in the direst extremity.

Additional Ideas (0)

Please register to add an idea. It only takes a moment.

Suggested Submissions

Join Now!!

Gain the ability to:
Vote and add your ideas to submissions.
Upvote and give XP to useful comments.
Work on submissions in private or flag them for assistance.
Earn XP and gain levels that give you more site abilities.
Join a Guild in the forums or complete a Quest and level-up your experience.
Comments ( 4 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Scrasamax
July 2, 2007, 7:22
A good mixture of pathos and piety. If he is the last, why doesnt he attempt to spread the word of Talna to the rare travelers who stumble across the valley? I would think of restoring the faith as being as important as guarding it's holy place. Tragic, and very nice.
Voted valadaar
July 3, 2007, 9:30
I have a thing for old guardians and near-dead religions and peoples.

Nicely done.
Voted Cheka Man
July 6, 2007, 14:21
A truly dedicated priest.
Voted Dossta
March 12, 2013, 16:09
I enjoyed this piece. I do wonder how a man could stay sane after spending centuries in solitude, however -- one would think that he'd like to take the occasional apprentice, or perhaps try to teach others of his goddess.

Link Backs

Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: Raptyr

Nine times out of ten, it’s the undead that do the running.

Not strictly animal or vegetable, the Corpse bud is a peculiar individual that shares characteristics from multiple kingdoms and species. In appearance, all corpse buds bear a shape of a large rounded top bud divided into four lateral segments, and a much longer, narrower bottom bud, also divided into four segments. Between the two halves are a set of four radial limbs, rounded on top and flat on the bottom, covered with tiny serrated hooks facing towards the body. In overall size, it’s limbs reach as wide as a spread hand, with the body being as thick as a fist. It is as long as a human hand from top to bottom.

Internally, the top bud of the corpse bud contains a bacteria filled membrane that produces the hydrogen that the corpse bud uses to stay aloft, and a series of fungal gills for the dispersal of spores for reproduction. The lower half of the bud contains a number of fine filaments, as well as a sharp barbed stinger containing a powerful local anaesthesia.

The Corpse Bud mobilizes by inflating its top bud, and steers by rotating its arms rapidly about its body. The corpse bud ordinarily drifts with the wind, orienting towards the scent of recent decay and death. It preys on the recently dead, burrowing the lower bud into the victim, using the anaesthesia in case the victim is dying, and not truly deceased. Once embedded, it releases its filaments into the body, replacing the current nervous system. This gives it full animation of the body, and allows the corpse bud to direct it.

Corpse buds are not a malevolent species, being primarily concerned with breaking down the host body for food, and infecting the reproductive cycle with spores in order to mate with other corpse-bud bodies. To preserve the corpse for this purpose, Corpse buds will seek out dry locations to prevent bacteria from destroying the corpses. This often causes a large number of corpse buds to gather in a single location.

In culture, Corpse buds are used to repair broken spines or degenerative diseases, as the sentient mind will easily overcome the mind of the non-sentient corpse bud. Once infected by a corpse bud, however, removal is usually fatal, and the infected individual cannot reproduce, or risk infecting another. Thus, it is a technique often reserved for the elderly, or a last resort.

Necromancers and other dark sorcerers will often preserve the corpses of their victims magically, and infect them with corpse buds, creating traditional undead as well, so as to seed their lairs with undead both offensive and non, in order to throw their enemies off balance. They will also enslave the rudimentary minds of the corpse buds, and transform the docile things into a plague. There have also been accounts of magically transformed corpse buds with stronger minds and a taste for living flesh, but thus far all accounts are unproven rumors.

Ideas  ( Lifeforms ) | October 12, 2011 | View | UpVote 3xp

Creative Commons License
Individual submissions, unless otherwise noted by the author, are licensed under the
Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License
and requires a link back to the original.

We would love it if you left a comment when you use an idea!
Powered by Lockmor 4.1 with Codeigniter | Copyright © 2013 Strolen's Citadel
A Role Player's Creative Workshop.
Read. Post. Play.
Optimized for anything except IE.