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Made for Nemisis, the Hand of Fate, by the god Korus, the Fate of Ages. It was meant to judge the lives of those that convicted a sin to there fate. Depending on the defense of the guilty Nemisis would use either its black or white side.
Korus gave up on the world learning from failing their fate and rested for several years ignoring the fact that even though there were battles no one died, and also none were born because there was no plan of destiny for them. Nemisis trying to plead to his god, was unsuccessful in this so he had no choice, he drew the Judgment and focused on its decision. Finally the verdict: death to the god of Fate.
It was a battle to shake all of heaven and earth. The very foundation of the universe felt the power from the sword and the god. Slash after slash the sword missed and the young Nemisis became more furious with every blow finally he said “One of us will not walk away from this battle Korus.”
Suddenly the sword erupted from his hand and the Dark Angel of Judgment came forth. The Light shined upon Nemisis, and The Shadow fell upon Korus. The Dark Angel spoke, “Korus you have failed your fate your sins have brought death to you” as the voice flowed from it, the shadow consumed Korus leaving nothing but the mantle of fate. The mantle had become dusty from lack of use. Picking up the mantle the Dark angel spoke to Nemisis, “Your fate is sinless Nemisis, and you even felled the one that sent you to enforce judgment. You will receive the mantle of Fate for your deeds, but alas the sword will be lost to you as its former master is dead and will not work in the hands of a god, a new fighter will take up arms against Korus this time, but beware chose wisely for I will not serve a faulty master.”
Disappearing as fast as it appeared, the Dark Angel left, the sword Judgment reappeared zooming to earth, without the new god of fate having a chance to grasp it again.
Years have passed since the Battle of Fate, Nemisis found the Sword stripped of its judging powers, and still unable to wield it, Nemisis erected a temple and founded a new priest hood.
Every year after the founding of the temple of fate, there has been a tournament held to find a fighter to take the blade, there has never been a winner, in the final battle of all the matches they have both been struck dead every year.
One hundred years after the Battle of Fate, Korus returns to unleash punishment upon the earth that spawned his defeat and Judgment must be taken to fight him, for the very sword of his creation must be his undoing. The sword will hold the Dark Angel till that day unleashing her to defeat Korus for the last time, leaving the sword with its new wielder.
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Magical Properties:
Upon its unsheathing, the sword shines. Its edge flashed from black to white and then to silver. Based on a skull hilt, angel wings stretched down the blade.
Can be wielded in one or two hands. Sharp, cuts through most steel.
Good powers:
Heal minor wounds (five times then twenty four hours to recharge a use)
Heal serious wounds (three times then one week to recharge a use)
Resurrect (once, then four weeks to recharge, also the wielder sleeps for two days after use)
Evil powers:
Poison (five times two days to recharge a use)
Soul wound (three times ten days to recharge a use)
Death (once then five weeks to recharge, also causes immense pain to wielder for two days after.)
Tends to lean the wielder toward good rather than evil because of its ability to give wielder an unbiased decision (when an enemy has fallen before you, but they are not dead, the wielder will let them go before issuing a death blow no matter if the character is chaotic evil or lawful good or what have you). Probably a good choice for a paladin.
Only against Korus can the Dark Angel be summoned, after Korus dies she is free to leave her prison.
Curse the wielder must go to fight Korus to keep the sword. No matter the current quest the wielder will always quest to fight Korus.
March 30, 2005, 12:43
March 30, 2005, 12:59
March 30, 2005, 13:05
From me: A glorius 1/5.
Reason: Pure munchkin. It has no story except that it was made for a God to judge sinners. Other than that it does nothing except slaying.
Take a look at other posts to learn how to make proper items. Shadoweagle is an adept tutor, and his style would probably be to your liking.
March 30, 2005, 13:45
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March 30, 2005, 15:23
March 30, 2005, 16:19
Okay lets try the constructive criticism route.
1)Format: Put an extra return between paragraphs as it is a huge boost in readability.
2)The story is huge and mythic... great for a story, but awful for an rpg.
2b)Inserting this as a background piece in the world, as the world is waiting for "the choosen one". So as just a piece of color in the world, that will have no bearing upon the campaign then it is merely okay. Maybe you might enter the temple looking for something else.
2c)Inserting this into a game would require one person to be "the choosen one", who would then overshadow everyone else because he has the uber weapon. Lets do an example... Elric and Stormbringer. Name anyone else along for the ride besides MoonGlum (and kudos if you remember him). You can't. Why? Because they are the two epic powers. Remember that you won't have just one player, and most players do not like to be continuously second or third bannana.
2d) If you give this to an NPC, you have just made the PCs extras in their own campaign... as the wielder and the sword become the important parts of this world.
3) So the weapon can auto kill, resurect, and can judge people? If that is not uberpowerful, then either we are all reading it wrong or perhaps the way you have presented it is not clear.
3b) Actually the powers and the use of the weapon are ill defined. Except when judging, it is a normal sword. When it is not judging. More details and explanations please.
March 30, 2005, 17:15
March 30, 2005, 20:40
I'm not sure if I'm feelin' the story either. But, y'know, whatever.
It isn't totally far gone, and the author has shown interest in improving it, so I'll give it a...
2/5.
March 31, 2005, 0:49
In terms of spelling and grammar, not too bad - perhaps you should read over some of the things you write to make sure it fits, but all in all, it's not bad.
I agree completely with Moonhunters no.2 point - I enjoyed reading of the battle between the two great powers, and seeing Corus's own sword turn against him. This is a great historical item with a mythological background - I could see drunken 'heros' talking about it in taverns. But this is never the weapon that could ever be wielded by a player, or their enemies. The sword should always be there, but there should never be a chosen one. It's nice as a physical aid to a religion, perhaps.
Now, there IS an interesting 'curse' to the weapon that you could play on: Judgement doesn't care who is wielding it - it judges both sides of the party. If in the first two instances a 'hero' uses that sword and is found on the 'innocent' side, he might start getting a bit cocky. If he then is so arrogant as to think that he could mow through a third enemy when he could easily spare that creatures life and go around it without it knowing, the judgement might find the hero as a sinner. And since it is so powerful, there is no 'second chances' in this. You make the wrong choice, you die. The end.
So anyway, definitely too powerful, but it shows some promise, nonetheless.
2/5
March 31, 2005, 3:10
March 31, 2005, 12:44
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March 31, 2005, 14:00
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