Okay, starting with the bad. Sometimes the syntax in your sentences seem somewhat backwards or strange, and it can be distracting at times. For instance:
"The government saw instead of the improvements that the towns were causing but a threat to itself."
On the other hand, I see it as a bit synonymous with your personal style(perhaps it's even intentional), and I don't know if you're a native English speaker or not either. So I dunno, acquired taste maybe.
I liked the story with the bandit and the Carcer bit and how you combined the burning effigy with the inherent logic of your demons. So overall an interesting read. Go to Comment
I like Atheus's take on demons; that they are merely reluctant creatures forced out of their own habitat and desire only to be brought back to it.
This sub feels a little unpolished compared to Obstaria, but it's still complete enough to paint a good picture about what the Daimon is.
I like that if a daimon dies before it completes its tasks it is resigned to life as an 'evil spirit'. Perhaps those places in the world where things are strange and unseemly are just areas where these demonic spirits reside. Go to Comment
A good explanation of the demons of your world, though the first section is a little rough and needs to be reread.
Some is a little confusing:
Likewise, though the daimons will usually be a minor threat as they can't rejuvenate themselves in their home, some were originally powerful enough to be a significant threat in their time spent as a daimon.
So, even though they cannot recover from injury while on Atheus, they start off powerful enough to remain formidable for quite some time?
No, probably not. The demons and thus the daimons of Atheus have such bad experiences with humans that they probably wouldn't trust the human offering to send them back. Unless the human earned their trust somehow, the daimon would probably rather just use the human to fulfill its mission through eating the human, or whatever mission the daimon had.
Of course, there is always an exception to the rule, and some daimons might try to help the human so as to manipulate him to speed up your mission, or some others might just be naive.
Also, a human would probably rather just summon up a regular demon. That way, the demon can't betray you, or hinder your progress, or do otherwise but obey your orders. Go to Comment
Summoning demons is not the hardest thing in the world. I should probably write up a sub on it, but the basics are that you research a demon, find the summoning ritual, and enact it. You do have to make sure your orders and such aren't too vague or have loopholes, and mistakes result in death usually, but for the most part the demon does your bidding, as there is a subclass of spells in the telemancy for punishing and controlling rebellious demons. The Daimons are mostly the exception, rather than the rule, as though a mistake can result anywhere in a summons, if a modicum of effort is put in, then usually the results will be good.
And as for the evil thing, there is forgiveness. Demons aren't evil, there simply enslaved and want to not be. And as the demon isn't of Atheus, they simply view humans as not them, and, really, far-less deserving of life then they are (which is true of the Atheians when they view demons). This is like a human not really caring if a stranger human dies in comparison to a loved one, just on a higher scale, as the stranger dying is not only not human, but also not of your world.
And sure, some banshees can scream. Some may choose not to, some do. The majority probably do, as I did steal the name from a screaming monster thing and some similarities need to remain, but variability is still present. Go to Comment
It seems it's a lot harder to summon demons in your world, given the flavour text. Also given what I've read before, it seems a very bleak place, with no room for forgiveness. Once you're branded evil, you stay evil for all eternity.
I liked the banshees with their zombie-making ability, do they still scream or did you just use the name? Go to Comment
Let me start by saying that this, compared to your earlier work, is much more engaging to me and shows growth in you, Caesar, cudos!
I liked the frog in the pond metaphor, and the sugar slipping between the fingers.
Obataria sounds like a nation which behind the scenes is in turmoil, but they throw a veil over it ( in the form of the kings rule) and play pretend that everything is fine.
I see a good espionage plot wherein the king is inspired by the stories of the first king, and beseeches the pcs to help him regain control of Obstaria. The night to strike is while the nobles are at the annual meet with the king. They must invade te keep of a prominent noble while is absent. Or perhaps hold them all hostage at the meet.
Also, the annual meet can end up being a whodunit, where the most prominent noble is poisoned and the pcs, being the only nuetral party, must find out who did it before civil war breaks out in a scale like never before! Go to Comment
It would be interesting to see a king arise that held power not through his impotent army, and figurehead status, but through ties to the underworld. Blackmail, careful manoeuvring, intrigue. Keeping to the appearances of a lame duck, he would actually hold significant power. How the PC's play a role in this, perhaps they could give the impetus to change.
I'm guessing you found inspiration from the Roman empire, the initial founding of Obstaria fits well with how the empire ran at first, letting old kings keep their rule, as long as they payed their taxes. I also see the potential for a ruler to reclaim their lost glory if they manage to ally with some of the nobles, playing at their secrets once more. Go to Comment
Hoo hah! The demons in Atheus are the people of Atheus! That's twisted! So in effect, without knowing it they are enslaving their own ancestors as slaves! Really interesting take on demons and hell, Caesar; I like very much!
Jacob Latris has unwittingly come upon the source of magic in Atheus itself, not to mention the means to manufacture demons for his own purpose! A dangerous gift to bestow on someone if his questionable morals and sanity!
I like that the idea of the afterlife and congeria are nothing like what Atheans expect. What a demoralizing thing to know if they ever find out that when they die they may just be processed and turn into chaotic monsters. Go to Comment
As they travel they notice a horrible rotten smell. As they travel it gets stronger and stronger forcing them to cover their noses and mouth less they choke on the horrible smell. Stream full of dead fish. Spawning trout die in mass quantities after they spawn littering areas with dead fish dying and deteriorating in the sun.