I think this is well written and an interesting beginning but I honestly can't see how to use this as an encounter in a campaign. Did you have any ideas for that? Otherwise a fun cosmetic addition to a game, nice submission. Go to Comment
"No, do not avoid its wrath, Greckle. Let it spit right in your face, if possible!"
The Chaugghra is a wooly llama-like creature the tribes of the Hlu use to transport salt across large tracts of the vast, inhospitable and perilous Bony Wastes. The creatures peculiar diet of bizarre grasses and unknown minerals allows its saliva to take on acidic qualities. Like the llama, the Chaugghra often works up large globs of saliva and exhumes them at leisure, or often in anger, for it is a querulous creature with a low threshold for nonsense when it comes to its two-legged handlers and their ways. The Hlu however welcome a spit-attack by these beasts of burden. If touched to flesh, the "acid" acts as an ultimate "cleanser". If rubbed on the face, the saliva will exfoliate the skin and pores like no other substance known to man. It will also act as an insect repellant for many hours. A weird secondary aspect of the spit however, is that it acts as a true acid if applied to plant matter and quite potent. Let the sages of Klibosk debate the whys and hows, the Hlu say. The salt traders are merely thrilled with their creature's spittle. Go to Comment
A rather curious item. I definitely like the idea of a giant key, as both a symbol and a tool. I'd like to hear more about it, though: interesting times it's been used, how a player might come across it in-game. I'd *love* to hear more about these Lockzennites. Go to Comment
Sweet. This is pretty unique. I like the imagery of the key-lance and the symbolic meaning behind it. I dont know why but it reminds me of Alice in Wonderland tinged fantasy for some reason. I get visuals of heavy-armormed mounted knights, nervously looking across a battlefield at a column of armor-less Lockzennites, wielding their giant keys.
Gives a new meaning to "oyster-shucking" knights, as they were sometimes known when wielding lochaber axes, and other anti-armor weapons
The Lockzennite's believed in freeing your body and mind from the locked shackles of scholarly learning and even armor and clothing
This is good idea, but its not a character. It is part character, part plot and an lot of chrome.
I think the style in which it is written communicated the flippant and shallow tone you wanted to convey, and in that since it is success. You also convey the imagery involved with your character in a very successful manner.
But you give us no since of the character is and maybe that is intentional. Maybe the character doesn't have a much personalty outside of his personal style, but you can convey that in a more subtle manner. For example you could discuss all the time he spends, trying on pants, the way his method for removing his glasses after a entering room speaks more to how he looks in the room than to what he looks at in the room.
Also, if somebody is truly a cool dude, you don't need to tell anybody that, it should just be evident. Unless you were being ironic, which was not evident.
I echo what axlerowes said to start. In short, if he's one cool dude, what makes him cool besides his clothes? Clothes are not enough.
More on his special equipment might be nice. You've mentioned the motorcycle, the mage seeking missles, the mana-sapping grenades, and the blood-infusion gun, all serving to destroy mages. What about other threats? What about protection from spells? What about dealing with mage summoned creatures and constructs? I would also assume most mage-types have buddies. If you are in the shadowrun world (I immediately thought you were talking Rifts when I started reading your submission) wouldn't it also stand to reason that the mage also carries technology that needs to be surpassed to be a good mage hunter. These a just thoughts on further development of your idea.
Also can he shapechange back (and forth) into a dragon at will? If so does he only retain human form to keep the locals happy? Why not do his hunting in natural form? Just wondering.
It seems to me technology always becomes the enemy to magic in the end. Good stuff. Go to Comment
I originally thought this would be a great addition to the Garage Sale from Hell. Upon reading, this is an honest solid cultist/ necromancer item that is not something someone would confuse as a mundane item or not know its power. The folk lore on this would be interesting.
This jet-black cranium contains a single red candle. The handle is a tattered rope looped through holes cracked in the top. It appears to have been subject to intense heat and flame over a long period of time.
The Black Skull wards against normal fires and fire spirits. To thrust the Black Skull, held in hand, into a fire, is akin to using an umbrella to deflect falling water. It will repel flames up to a distance of about six feet, but it does nothing to diminish the heat. Go to Comment
As they travel they notice a horrible rotten smell. As they travel it gets stronger and stronger forcing them to cover their noses and mouth less they choke on the horrible smell. Rotting animal carcass that has been ripped apart and tracks all over, covered in maggots.