This submission (granted it is 4 years old and from a now inactive member) is rather muddled and confusing. I like the idea though, a city protected sitting in the midsts of a volcanically active area. Go to Comment
I like the idea of a place where time goes faster than normal, but this needs more details. Why does time go faster? What god protects the city and why? Will PCs age more quickly in this zone? I think this is a very cool idea if you added some descriptions to tie everything together, but it's not enough right now. Go to Comment
Looking forward to it, I particulary enjoyed Last Stand and gave it a correspondingly good rating. I have discovered that breaking an idea into its component pieces and posting it in that manner generally runs the risk of getting back a good number of mediocre responces. If you jam it all together, you end up with complaints about excessive length. I guess it is just a delicate matter of balance. Go to Comment
can't blame you, he's less actual NPC and more story, something to help develop the original post of Last Stand, but I can't say I'm trying to deny your rating. I have a feeling that there will be drastic changes to this character as the entirety of the story develops Go to Comment
Details, details- the devil's in the details.
But I like it. The three river convergence is cool, and I like the idea of a titanic waterfall. Don't have enough of those.
I also like the plain named Everyoung- maybe it's called that because it's constantly being reborn (as in the lava remakes it)?
I really like the description of the geography, with the three rivers coming together in a giant waterfall. The image of the Brahmalin erupting from the desert is an lasting one in my mind, and I can see all sorts of things living in the steam.
I think I would like to know more about how the battle came about that imprisoned the angelic, and why it has been so corrupted without the forces of good making it right, or at least trying to make it right. I also like the ambiance of the city becoming self aware of its purpose, and alerting the guards by various methods. I think that the character post of the Living Gate would fit very nicely into this setting, with an evil semi-sentient living city serving as a ward over a waylaid angel.
Nicely done, but more details would really help it out and bring it to its full potential. Otherwise,
Well captain you nailed Everyoung on the head, ah and as for details, much more of this is to come, Infren himself is in creation as well as the history of all that led up to this. Also, all the aforementioned areas will most likely be evolved into a world or part of atleast Go to Comment
It is...the description of the geography, as others have said, is quite atmospheric. I'm whisked away to another world after only a few lines. Obviously, this cries out for more(!), but even as is, it manages to create a lasting impression. Nice!
A post fully exploring all the dropped hints and tangents, would be awesome! Go to Comment
The frozen wastes stretch for miles around. Something waddles through the snow. It's a penguin: An emperor penguin. It waddles slowly, meandering toward the sea. The ranger freezes. "Stay very still," he warns. "Don't move at all." "What is it?" I ask, breathlessly. "It's the most dangerous creature in the whole Yahoo Tundra, and that penguin's about to kick its butt..." (Sorry, Epi! I couldn't resist!)