Excellent sub! It was a little confusing in places - I didn't realize at first that the sub was written from an opposing viewpoint, for instance - but it is full of ideas that could be taken and used even if the whole sub was not used in the campaign. I like it!
Very cool. I liked a lot of the descriptions of the victims and original demon. However, the form of floating body parts was fitting, just not satisfying. I feel like this could benefit from more detail. I want more of this. It's very good, but leaves me begging for more.
A unique and surprisingly subtle demon that is likely to catch most groups by surprise, and ill prepared. One of these nasties in disguise as a rich merchant with a few indentured servants, (that loathe the merchant) being escorted by the party can lead to all sorts of misadventures. (When discovered it can also lead to some false accusations and a fun role playing scene.)
4.5 over all and +.5 for their unusual origins and the methods these demons sow the seeds of chaos.
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A small suggestion to improve the visual appeal would be to perhaps put the individual plot hook titles in bold so they each stand out a bit more?
I really liked this; well-written and fun to read. A very interesting idea; "feeding" off of people's malevolences. It's been done before, but you've added some excellent twists in all the right places. The plot hooks were very enticing as well. Very well done!
You know a submission is good when:
a) It brings an evil smile to your face
b) You can think of at least 10 ways to use it off the top of your head
c) It leaves you wanting more
This is a fantastic sub on all three counts, and is very well-written to boot. The only thing I would nitpick on is what Pieh already mentioned -- the floating body parts are not compelling enough to me. I would probably not give them any "natural" form. If forced to lower their assumed disguise, their appearance would shift rapidly between all of the "victims" whose thoughts they have consumed, with flashes of the Empress and Kharn- Salog reappearing most frequently throughout. 5/5
I think the plot hooks are where this creature shines, the fact that they leave people who have been consumed with hatred and evil as simpletons creates a moal dilemma. I love the little backstory about "the devil who just wasn't evil enough" but wish it was linked to some other posts so I knew more about this badass woman that tore his mind asunder.