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Strolen's Citadel: Browsing 's Comments
 
Strolen\s Citadel content. 
The Forbidden Labyrinth
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-05-27 07:29 PM
A good idea lost to bad presentation. You need to work on the grammar of your post. You could expand this slightly, add some paragraph breaks, and it would actually make more sense. As it is right now, you have to work too hard to get the little good information out of it.

I want you to read the following link 1272. This will help you produce a more useful post. And you can follow the links to other helpful post advice. Go to Comment
The Forbidden Labyrinth
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
Iain's comment on 2006-05-28 09:37 AM
Why did the sixth and all subsequent warriors fall for the first trap when the first five didn't. Had something changed within the labyrinth, unknown to its creators?

Overall, not a bad submission. Go to Comment
The Forbidden Labyrinth
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-05-27 11:18 PM
Scras say paragraphs are good, paragraphs are friends. Otherwise this is an okay idea that has been lost in the presentation. Go to Comment
The Forbidden Labyrinth
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
Cheka Man's comment on 2006-05-27 09:31 PM
I'll hold my vote.This could make a great legend-but you've spoilt it.My first submission was only a 2/5. Go to Comment
The Forbidden Labyrinth
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
Chaosmark's comment on 2006-05-27 06:03 PM
Mmm, this is more suitable for a legendary story or rumor than an actual place. But even then, it could use a bit more work. Will revote if reworked. Go to Comment
The Forbidden Labyrinth
Dungeons  (Underground)   (Traps)
chilled's comment on 2006-05-30 09:36 AM
a pretty good idea all in all.
it could use a bit of updating though, i.e. why did the warriors fail, etc.
pretty good idea though i like it. Go to Comment

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sword of the titan
Items  ()   (Magical)
Alec_Shadowkin's comment on 2006-05-22 08:28 AM
This item has even less info than the last few.

Why was it created? Why are the Master Wizards of Gorinon? What is the Wood of the Reinnenland, how was it lost there and why can't it be found?

You also have a problem with referring to the swords as an axe in your limited history. Go to Comment

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sword of the titan
Items  ()   (Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-05-22 09:10 AM
Only voted Go to Comment

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sword of the titan
Items  ()   (Magical)
chilled's comment on 2006-05-25 07:58 AM
this is poorer than the others you've made so far what's happened? Go to Comment
spirit warriors of doom
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Plains)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-05-24 01:38 PM
Okay Freddie, nice try. Now lets do this for real. You have some good ideas, lets see if we can salavage something. There are five points you need to meet to make this a submission not worth scrubbing.

First: Review!
Review the top rated posts of the category you want to post it. If you want to do an item, click into items, then the highest rated (in red) and it will give you a list of the best items. Read the first ten or so.

Is your post anything like any of those?

Second: Effort!
This is your major failing point in my opinion. You need to focus on this. Put some thought into your post. Take your time putting the post into print. Taking time to do a post right shows you care not only about your audience and yourself, but you care about the thing you are posting about. If you aren't spending a minimum of 15 to 30 minutes on the post, it will probably be abused and low rated. Most of us spend 45 to 60 minutes on a post. Some of us considerably more. Remember, you will spend more time actually thinking about your post before you put it up, if you want to do it right.

Remember that you can edit your post, so if you find something wrong, go back and fix it. This is for minor improvements. You need a major overhaul.

Third: Check it!
I really mean it. Go through your posts. Make sure it follows the basic rules of grammar . Sentences start with capital letters, end with punctuation, and have everything moderately correct in between. Extra lines should be inserted between paragraphs (and there should be paragraphs). I can not stress the next part more that simply scream, "Spell check!". If you can, copy (from web site) and paste (into word processor) your post into a WP with spell check. Run the spell check (and the grammar check if it has it). Copy and paste it back. If you do this, it will automatically improve your post by one point (on average). If we can simply and easily read your post, we can start critiquing it rather than your awful spelling.

If English is not your primary language (and it seems like it is), let us know. However, be warned that many of our best posters have English as a second, third, or even fourth language. So all we ask is that you continue to work at it, to get it right. http://www.strolen.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1559


Fourth: Completeness!
This is your second major failing point, so I want you to pay attention to this one. Your posts needs to tell us nearly everything about the subject. You should strive for items that are generic, rather than dependent on a specific setting or campaign. While being vague can help make the item more "generic", you need to "imply" the answers. (For example: while my game might not have Rykor the BloodSlayer, I can figure out an approximate match "The most dreaded demon riding Dark Knight in history.") Implied answers act as guidelines for the GM/ Player adapting the post.

To be complete, your post needs to answer; "Who is involved?", "What is happening (and where and when)?" and "How and why things occur?". If it is an item or setting then include: What is the item/place? and What can it do?

Details are not as important as completeness. Read your post. Is there anything that someone (who doesn't know your campaign and the backstory) might have a question about? If you find such a question, edit the write up and include the answer to that question. Keep reading your post until you have answered every question (including ones that seem really stupid... there are a lot of really stupid people out there).

Fifth: The Gold Standard
If your post could not be part of a published fantasy novel, it needs work. That is what you should aim for.

If your post is not as well described and developed as something you would find in a published fantasy novel (excluding most DnD licensed novels), then it is not equal to the gold standard and needs work.

This standard is really not that hard to meet. New members often meet it on their first or second try. You do not need to be a professional writer, you just need to put a little effort into doing it right. Now, we want you to take this one back and apply what I have just given you.

Second Gold Standard
The second gold standard, or Silver Standard if you will, is "Is this as complete a paper published product?" Was this done "enough" that someone would be paying money for it (if it was part of a greater whole)? Again, this is not a hard standard to meet, it just takes some work.

That is what you really need to do, apply some work to your post. It is too short to be useful to another gamer. It does not explain everything people need to know about this group so they can use it in their campaign. It is poorly written in terms of English and Grammar. In short, put it back in the working place and give it another try. Go to Comment
spirit warriors of doom
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Plains)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-05-22 09:11 AM
Only voted Go to Comment
spirit warriors of doom
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Plains)
Cheka Man's comment on 2006-05-22 11:14 AM
1/5 for this. Go to Comment
spirit warriors of doom
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Plains)
Roack's comment on 2006-05-22 09:00 AM
Quite simply, four sentences does not constitute a post. While I'm at it, why are they feared? What causes them to roam the plains? Furthermore, what type of rune-inscribed/enchanted weapons can they be destroyed with, and again, why? Go to Comment
spirit warriors of doom
Lifeforms  (Ethereal)   (Plains)
chilled's comment on 2006-05-25 08:05 AM
it's not as bad as it looks but i agree with Moonhunter it does need some good upgrading.
i'll vote on this later if you upgrade it. Go to Comment
The Eye Of Chiron
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Alec_Shadowkin's comment on 2006-05-22 08:26 AM
Same problems as the other submissions.

Who are the light mages of Ulitha? Who was their king? Why did he need something like this and how did they learn to create it? Does it have any drawbacks? Go to Comment
The Eye Of Chiron
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-05-22 09:11 AM
Amulet of Truth... Go to Comment
The Eye Of Chiron
Items  (Jewelry)   (Magical)
Ancient Gamer's comment on 2006-05-22 09:36 AM
Oh boy!

Back to the drawing board, sonny! Go to Comment
Axe Of The Slayer
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
MoonHunter's comment on 2006-05-24 01:43 PM
Chilled, you have set your standards fairly low. While this is an improvement over other posts, this is still quite lacking in a couple of areas.

Freddie, do a couple of things for me before you post again.

Review!
Review the top rated posts of the category you want to post it. If you want to do an item, click into items, then the highest rated (in red) and it will give you a list of the best items. Read the first ten or so.

Ask yourself, is your post anything like any of those?

Put some effort into it
This is your major failing point in my opinion. You need to focus on this. Put some thought into your post. Take your time putting the post into print. Taking time to do a post right shows you care not only about your audience and yourself, but you care about the thing you are posting about. If you aren't spending a minimum of 15 to 30 minutes on the post, it will probably be abused and low rated, like this one. Most of us spend 45 to 60 minutes on a post. Some of us considerably more. Remember, you will spend more time actually thinking about your post before you put it up, if you want to do it right.

Work at the post until it is "complete"; it answers all the questions a gamer might have about it.

Lastly, SPELL CHECK and GRAMMAR CHECK IT!
I really mean it. Go through your posts. Make sure it follows the basic rules of grammar. Sentences start with capital letters, end with punctuation, and have everything moderately correct in between. Extra lines should be inserted between paragraphs (and there should be paragraphs). I can not stress the next part more that simply scream, "Spell check!". If you can, copy (from web site) and paste (into word processor) your post into a WP with spell check. Run the spell check (and the grammar check if it has it). Copy and paste it back. If you do this, it will automatically improve your post by one point (on average). If we can simply and easily read your post, we can start critiquing it rather than your awful spelling.

To repeat my previous comments on your posts, if English is not your primary language (and it seems like it is), let us know. However, be warned that many of our best posters have English as a second, third, or even fourth language. So all we ask is that you continue to work at it, to get it right. http://www.strolen.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=1559 Go to Comment
Axe Of The Slayer
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
Alec_Shadowkin's comment on 2006-05-22 08:24 AM
I agree with Scras. There's not really anything here other than the basic description, which is threadbare and ambiguous. Try adding (a lot of) detail. Go to Comment
Axe Of The Slayer
Items  (Armor)   (Magical)
Scrasamax's comment on 2006-05-22 08:09 AM
Looks like a lot was forgotten. As in the previous sub...

Who was Boran Catharsonen? Why was he legendary? Was he a dwarf?

Where is Karan Gale? Does it have alot of forges? Is it a dwarven city, a monastary of dwarven axe-makers?

Who fought in the Great Wars? why were they great wars? Go to Comment
Total Comments:
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       By: ephemeralstability

THE GNOMES OF UDNALOR: Part I

Upon entering the deep underrealm of Udnalor, one must first pass through the upper halls, which were the residences of the gnomes in days of past glories. Now they have abandoned the fading tapestries to the worms and moles, and an uncanny silence reigns, laid over the oaken tables like the thick layers of dust and humus.

There may be creatures which now inhabit these areas: nests livid with giant maggots, rats and other vermin.

The watchtowers and passageways which lead to the Overground are frequently trodden, however. After all it takes a great many small humanoids to hoist a single giant rabbit corpse back through the fathoms of earth.

The gnomes primarily hunt giant rabbits with bows and arrows tipped with the subterranean poisons concocted by their best alchemists.

Ideas  ( Locations ) | May 4, 2002 | View | UpVote 0xp