It got loose at the end, but I loved it. Rise and fall of a Dwarven Empire. I think the end just needs to be more clear. I didn't get that nobody can go through it till one of the last lines. I just thought the place was haunted by ghosts and zombies. The place is too important to the world you created to just let lie. I see it being held still by humans. They have figured out ways to keep the undead at bay and/or lock themselves in certain safe areas after dark and can come out in the daytime. Besides the undead, I think there have to be some dwarves around (even coming in from another clan deeper in the mountains or something) that continue to have some kind of insurgency against the past with the hope of one day regaining it.
I like it a lot, the end just needs to be tightened a bit more to bring it all together in a solid understanding of the current state. I agree a solid 4 as is, but it could be upgraded with that fix and some better plot ideas.
I said dwarf a bunch of times, lots...and they live in a cave with a big door. What more could you possibly need?! What, do you think Hobbits could be substituted? Blasphemy.
Also, according to the Babel Fish in my ear, reading Troachoar means "This is Dwarven so don't knock it that it can be used for other things too even if seems like it can it really can't and is really for Dwarves and concentrated on Dwarves, Dwarves, Dwarves and it says Dwarves a lot."
The actual translation says Dwarves a lot more but I paraphrased.
I like the change from cartographer to spy. I think you cheapened it at the end by changing it to useless information. Better, I think, to say they got too public so they stopped selling information all together (which might be an issue since those that hired them may have info on who they spied on which the CG wouldn't want out...therefore blackmail for more spying, but that is another thread to follow). So they stop selling all out, however they continue to do it for those clients that are absolutely trustworthy to not let it known that the CG continues on in its elite spying.
Also, the alcohol and woman things gets overused and loses its impact. Was funny at the top but used too much to the point of annoyance through the entire piece. Reduce that footprint a bit for better impact I think.
Is it bad that all I could think of is the elves creating some kind of land boat on wheels like land sailing in the desert? Windmills? I just see them using some kind of technology.
I like the idea of the split in the elves and provides a good reason they are there. I would think they accept their punishment as a sign of honor and stay in the plains, otherwise why not just move farther in another direction and find some new woods that they are used to surviving in? Go to Comment
Might be easier to have the PCs use Morano to identify an item or used as a source of information earlier in the campaign so that they already know them. Once they know them, know the bare minimums about them (they are "good") then when they see them being chased through the town there is motivation to get involved.
Once involved the guards could lump them in with the Morano's for damage/clean-up fees in the town and such which would make them (me anyway) more motivated to find who did it for paybacks for the loss of my coin as well as safety of Morano.
A ruby of immense size, this stone was once the eye of a deity of war. When properly commanded by long lost rituals, the huge gem will rise into the sky, glowing brightly. Visible for miles, all who look upon it in its full radiance will be filled with intense homicidal rage.