As is, it would make a decent idea seed. Expand it.
If he doesn't heal people cause he's too busy being hunted, how do the people know that he can? Or is it just some sort of Hunt for the Grail? You say many stories exist in the flavor text, why don't you write some up and include them in the post.
I'm gonna hold back on voting for the moment. I'd suggest that you read the 5 highest rated submissions in ALL the catagories and see if you can figure out what elusive qualities make a great sub, and if you ever see the chat being used feel free to drop in and ask any questions you have, we're generally nice to new people here. Go to Comment
GAHGK! I'm gonna start by saying that this is MOST definiately in the wrong place. Not a lifeform, but an npc post. Spell check is next on the list. Those 2 together dropped your post half a point.
Now for the post itself. There's an idea there, I can see that, and with a bit of sparkle and fizz you can hide all the hackneyed old cliches. Another thing is that in the flavor text, you say that he has risen out of the underworld, implying that it was Baden's song that brought him there, but in the story you make no mention of him dying. In fact it seems like you say that he was cursed with immortality. Also, might I suggest that you don't change tenses in the middle of a sentance, unless absolutly nessacary (2nd to last paragraph.)
You also have a problem that's very common, it has to do with homophones (words that sound the same but are spelled different.) Until the English language makes more sense, you're gonna have to watch to make sure you don't put in too many of these. Also remember that possesives have an apostrophe.
I also find it hard to believe that four great kings would let a lowly bard/teacher overhear them talking about matters of national importance. I know that I wouldn't want any stupid, blabbering commoner listening to me talk about how we're not going to be able to beat a horde of skeletons. And then I know for a fact I would have laughed in the face of any aforementioned commoner when he came up to me and told me, the king, not to worry about it.
I don't expect gramatical perfection out of anyone on this site, and I understand that English might not be your first language. God knows how hard it is, I've been speaking it for the past 15 years of my life and I still have problems with it, but there are plenty of people here that struggle through and write better than many native speakers. Also, read through some of the posts in the NPC section that have gotten a 4.5->5 rating. That's what we're looking for in a post. Go to Comment
All right. It's a lot better than before. It doesn't leave me with as many unanswered questions. You still need a little help with grammer and word choice, but if you keep trying you'll get a lot better. My suggestion is to read different kind of books by different authors than you normally do. Also your line breaks kinda fell apart towards the very end.
Gratuitous gramatical mistakes aside. Demons/Devils are overworked beings that are never EVER done up to any semblence of their full potential. Yeah, so it likes breaking things SO-FREAKIN'-WHAT!!!! Give us a reason for it to exist besides to torment the PCs. Even the most mindless of ants have a legitimate reason to exist, to serve the queen, so why doesn't something a million-thrillion times more exotic and powerful? Go to Comment
Hu was an ambassador of the Seventh Emperor of the Reng Dynasty. Throughout his life he traveled across many miles and lands to entreaty with neighboring kingdoms and the semi-savages who dwelled amidst the Metal Mountains.
During one such diplomatic mission, Hu was gifted a small iron marble as a gesture, by a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe. Little else is known of Hu, but that marble was lost and is now somewhere out there for someone to find.
A tiny, shiny sphere, the marble has several properties. First and foremost it is a strong magnet, considerably stronger than its size and density would indicate.
Secondly, if thrown or rolled upon the ground and the command word is spoken, the iron ball will magically enlarge to either the size of an ogres's head or to that of a great globe, twelve feet in diameter. The rolling ball of either size will continue to roll or fly at the same relative speed it was when launched as a marble, and can thus cause great damage to anything in its path. The magnetic power of the ball will also magnify when enlarged.
Legends claim that the ball has been tossed from besieged castles upon attacking foes and rolled at marching armies in ages past. At the end of such rolls, the larger size globe has been known to not only crush soldiers underfoot, but to also "collect" many dozens of metallic weapons and bits of armor unto itself, appearing as an armored sphere, with swords and spears sticking out from it in all directions.
Owning this powerful marble has its drawbacks. Anyone carrying it on their person, will experience the iron ball's insidious effects after some time. The owner feels no worse for wear, but after two month's time they will suddenly awaken one morning to find that their hair has fallen out completely, their teeth loosened like baby's teeth ready to drop, and their fingernails simply shriveled and sliding off the fingers and toes. Perhaps unbeknownst to the owner at first, the iron ball also renders an owner sterile or barren by this time.
Regular clerical healing will not reverse this horrible malady. Only finding and beseeching a shaman of the Kiy-Kiy tribe to heal the iron ball's effects with their particular brand of magic, will work.
Hu's Iron Ball should be handled carefully by players and gms.