Strolen\s Citadel content. 
Venom of Endless Life
Items  (Potion)   (Magical)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-27 09:53 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Nethernimbus
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Other)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-25 10:51 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Ylithain, the Drowned Queen
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Swamp)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-24 09:04 PM
Gah... Gajh... Great Job. It is beautiful. Go to Comment
Gorgoddon
Lifeforms  (Constructed)   (City/ Ruin)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-24 09:41 PM
PM Strolen about it. I really like these/it/one-in-many/the fingers. Go to Comment
Demon Rum
Items  (Potion)   (Combat)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-24 09:33 PM
GRAHHHH!!!!! Go to Comment
Stolvi the Screever
NPCs  (Minor)   (Artistic/Performance)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-24 09:47 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Cutsman
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-24 09:26 PM
Teheh. Muro calls it 'long' but would call it a short submission if he posted it.

That aside it's a aboslutely wonderful submission. Go to Comment
Apple Tree of Selilion
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-24 08:47 PM
Drink... Err, Eat the spirit fruit... Go to Comment
The Great White Dragon
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Mountains)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-17 10:30 PM
As is, it would make a decent idea seed. Expand it.

If he doesn't heal people cause he's too busy being hunted, how do the people know that he can? Or is it just some sort of Hunt for the Grail? You say many stories exist in the flavor text, why don't you write some up and include them in the post.

I'm gonna hold back on voting for the moment. I'd suggest that you read the 5 highest rated submissions in ALL the catagories and see if you can figure out what elusive qualities make a great sub, and if you ever see the chat being used feel free to drop in and ask any questions you have, we're generally nice to new people here. Go to Comment
The Great White Dragon
Lifeforms  (Intelligent Species)   (Mountains)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-19 09:22 PM
Better. Still a bit less than what I like, but it'll do. Go to Comment
The King of Hingrad
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-17 07:39 PM
GAHGK! I'm gonna start by saying that this is MOST definiately in the wrong place. Not a lifeform, but an npc post. Spell check is next on the list. Those 2 together dropped your post half a point.

Now for the post itself. There's an idea there, I can see that, and with a bit of sparkle and fizz you can hide all the hackneyed old cliches. Another thing is that in the flavor text, you say that he has risen out of the underworld, implying that it was Baden's song that brought him there, but in the story you make no mention of him dying. In fact it seems like you say that he was cursed with immortality. Also, might I suggest that you don't change tenses in the middle of a sentance, unless absolutly nessacary (2nd to last paragraph.)

You also have a problem that's very common, it has to do with homophones (words that sound the same but are spelled different.) Until the English language makes more sense, you're gonna have to watch to make sure you don't put in too many of these. Also remember that possesives have an apostrophe.

I also find it hard to believe that four great kings would let a lowly bard/teacher overhear them talking about matters of national importance. I know that I wouldn't want any stupid, blabbering commoner listening to me talk about how we're not going to be able to beat a horde of skeletons. And then I know for a fact I would have laughed in the face of any aforementioned commoner when he came up to me and told me, the king, not to worry about it.

I don't expect gramatical perfection out of anyone on this site, and I understand that English might not be your first language. God knows how hard it is, I've been speaking it for the past 15 years of my life and I still have problems with it, but there are plenty of people here that struggle through and write better than many native speakers. Also, read through some of the posts in the NPC section that have gotten a 4.5->5 rating. That's what we're looking for in a post. Go to Comment
The King of Hingrad
NPCs  (Mythic/ Historical)   (Mystical)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-18 10:25 PM
All right. It's a lot better than before. It doesn't leave me with as many unanswered questions. You still need a little help with grammer and word choice, but if you keep trying you'll get a lot better. My suggestion is to read different kind of books by different authors than you normally do. Also your line breaks kinda fell apart towards the very end.

All in all it's now a decent submission. Congrats. Go to Comment
King Arkon
NPCs  (Major)   (Political)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-16 10:09 PM
Good job Cheka. It'd be interesting to see what he'd write on the walls. Go to Comment
The Devourer Of Here
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Other)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-16 10:15 PM
I don't see how Pac-Man could have inspired this... but then again momma always told me I was never that quick. Go to Comment
The Devourer Of Here
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Other)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-16 10:17 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
30 Curses
Articles  (Campaign)   (Gaming - In General)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-16 09:06 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
Gaian Worm
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Any)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-16 10:33 PM
Only voted Go to Comment
The Enori
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-14 08:33 PM
Mmmrrrrmmm... It's all right. I'd kinda like to know how it came to be, but that's just me. Go to Comment
Daltorz
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (City/ Ruin)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-13 10:50 PM
Gratuitous gramatical mistakes aside. Demons/Devils are overworked beings that are never EVER done up to any semblence of their full potential. Yeah, so it likes breaking things SO-FREAKIN'-WHAT!!!! Give us a reason for it to exist besides to torment the PCs. Even the most mindless of ants have a legitimate reason to exist, to serve the queen, so why doesn't something a million-thrillion times more exotic and powerful? Go to Comment
The Eternal Witness
Lifeforms  (Unique)   (Forest/ Jungle)
Pariah's comment on 2006-09-16 10:22 PM
Much applause and celebration. Go to Comment
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       By: Cheka Man

A lizard race that is basicly Good rather then Evil, is being attacked by evil humans that want control of their river.

Ideas  ( Plots ) | May 31, 2005 | View | UpVote 0xp