What was the reason for this resistance movement? Who was Kros Embron and why did he create the Spies? How do the Espers differ from the Spies? What are the group's rituals and practices?
This has definite potential, but it needs work. Go to Comment
Hastur?! Very nice, work, Mike, very nice indeed. I love the mythic qualities of it, and I also like that the idea of his being a "leper-king" was sort of attached to him. Humans will see what they want to see. Go to Comment
Generally I dislike having a whole zooful of werebeasts; people like to have everything from were-nematodes to were-okapis and everything in between, and I think it gets ridiculous and takes the mystery and interest out of the simple idea of the human that becomes the animal. But I love this simply because these are such well-fleshed ideas of people and clans. Go to Comment
Interesting, interesting. It has a lot of potential, and I like the bizarre description of the creatures themselves and their justifications for their actions. However, it reads very awkwardly and some parts are confusing. Also, why do they call themselves the "Dark Crusaders"? Do they culturally associate darkness with good or law or whatever? Go to Comment
The thing is, these are only very general titles, and you can't "freeze" them to one meaning. I suppose these are good if you're doing a very basic take-off of Arabic culture, but these titles have had many different meanings and placements throughout times and cultures, often simultaneously. Go to Comment
In cultures and langauges with very few acceptable personal and family names, nicknames will be used. These nicknames will be based on their physical traits and personalities. So instead of five Ryon Khans, you have Big Ryon, Little Ryon, Fast Ryon, Ryon the Priest, and Ryon with coin. It will make finding people, for an outsider, difficult.