New Submissions
Special Equipment:
A hidden pouch with a variety of poisons. A brace of throwing knives, and a blackened steel shortsword.
Appearance:
Tomais stands a little over 6’, is slender with a fair face, long black hair, and grey eyes. He always dresses flamboyantly and always has a smile on his face.
Background:
Tomais was born an alchemists son, but really didn’t find his father’s work all that interesting. It wasn’t until his kingdom’s was invaded and the Lord call for volunteers to expel the invaders that Tomais found his calling. He was very good with a sword, and he enjoyed it.
At first he thought he would make his living in the King’s service, but he found he didn’t really enjoy being a soldier, just the fighting, and the best part of that was when someone died. So he killed his commander officer and two other soldiers, and just for the fun of it, the cook and deserted. He tried to go back to his parents, but they were so upset by his actions he became dismayed and killed them.
Taking what money, and a few items from his father’s workshop he fled, but soon he ran out of money, and now wanted for mutiple murders and desertion, he had no where to go and he became a highwaymen.
Of course, wanting to make sure the king’s men never found him, he tried to kill any to make sure there were no witnesses. And that’s when we found he truly liked killing.
After that, he become bolder, and heading into inns and towns, knowing he would be seen, but enjoying the challenge of eliminated all those who saw him. He found some of the teachings of his father quite useful, especially anything to do with poison.
He’s still on the road somewhere, the king offers 10000 for him, but he has eluded all attempts at capture so far.
Roleplaying Notes:
Adventurers might be hired to track him down. Any description of him is vague. He is very intelligent and draws people to himself easily. Definately could be leader a group of outlaws somewhere.
May 20, 2004, 16:34
ephe!
May 20, 2004, 17:10
No personality! A grey, bland, vague character. Even more vague than the previous one. Does he do anything but run around and kill? Does he like anyone besides himself? Does he live somewhere?
Remember: Who, what, when, where, why. Answer all that when you're writing.
May 20, 2004, 19:45
Ok, usability: 3/5 - He can be used as a section in a quest for adventurers, or perhaps if you were campaigning as thieves and assassins, he could be part of the party, but mind he doesnt kill you first.
Background: 2/5 - Not bad, but a bit bland.
Appearance: 1/5 - Very basic appearance. The appearance should include personality traits, likes and dislikes, hair colour basic habits and the like.
All in all, I'll give it a 2/5. It does show some promise.
May 20, 2004, 21:52
Assuming that the culture he lives in demonizes murder, he would be doing something bad. He would be an insane person by cultural standards because he doesn't follow the taboo against killing others. Because it is part of the culture, it would be ingrained in him to not kill, unless something had happened to him which didn't allow this taboo, thus making him effectively insane. What is it in this character's past that prevented him from forming this taboo against murder?
Is it, as Eph suggested, a bad kitchen knife incident?
May 27, 2004, 6:11
1/5
May 27, 2004, 21:18
May 27, 2004, 21:25
It's just a bad character.
I'm sure he is a novice, but why should that keep us from being harsh? If we soften it up for him, he'll never really know how he has to improve!
May 31, 2004, 2:38
But as to be kind, a few tips:
*Motivation: why do I exist? What drives me?
*Associates: my relatives, friends and loves constitute a large part of who I am. That charcter has NONE. How empty and lonely...
*History: does the fact that I was beaten as a child somehow correlate with the anger that wells up wiothin me regularly?
*Future: what the hell are my plans?
Think about it.
P.S.: when making an assassin character, learn to write the word first. Just put in as much ASS as you can into a single word :D
May 31, 2004, 3:37
June 11, 2004, 15:45
PS, if i were that barmaid, I'd've given that champion bastard a run for his money.
April 4, 2006, 17:48