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ID: 2690


May 28, 2006, 6:13 am

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The Forbidden Labyrinth


Locked and sealed thousands of Millenniaâ??s ago, this labyrinth hasn’t been opened since.

Thousands of years ago, the ancient Stronecrept People build a labyrinth designed as a training course for only t he true warriors. They filled it with impossible objectives and booby traps everywhere, too dangerous for the naked eye to see. T heir idea was ingenious and worked correctly for the first 5. They went in and came out stronger and their morale maximised to a new limit.

As the sixth warrior accepted the challenge to improve his endurance, he fell for the first trap. The warrior lost his soul to the demons of the Labyrinth that the Stonecrept people had created. The warrior turned to one of them: his eyes turned yellow, his hair fell out and his muscular strength increased far beyond anyone of his original kind. Though no one knew this happened at the time to him, so more warrior poured in and failed at the first trap again.

The demon had corrupted their minds and made them fail it; their strength grew stronger and stronger. Then people started to realise no one was coming back out, they went in and found the demons resting there. The Stonecrept people had no choice but to seal the Labyrinth up so no one could enter. They cast a powerful mythical spell over the doors to seal them, enough so they could never escape. The training ground could never be used again and even people today have a struggle finding the correct powers to re open the sacred doors.

Warriors of our age now think they can challenge the demons and complete the course but what they don’t know is that if they fail like the previous warriors have they will give the demons more strength, enough eventually to break the spell locking them in. if this happens they will bring death to us all, and is there is no way of stopping it.

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Comments ( 7 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Chaosmark
May 27, 2006, 18:03
Mmm, this is more suitable for a legendary story or rumor than an actual place. But even then, it could use a bit more work. Will revote if reworked.
Voted MoonHunter
May 27, 2006, 19:29
A good idea lost to bad presentation. You need to work on the grammar of your post. You could expand this slightly, add some paragraph breaks, and it would actually make more sense. As it is right now, you have to work too hard to get the little good information out of it.

I want you to read the following link 1272. This will help you produce a more useful post. And you can follow the links to other helpful post advice.
Cheka Man
May 27, 2006, 21:31
I'll hold my vote.This could make a great legend-but you've spoilt it.My first submission was only a 2/5.
Voted Scrasamax
May 27, 2006, 23:18
Scras say paragraphs are good, paragraphs are friends. Otherwise this is an okay idea that has been lost in the presentation.
Voted Iain
May 28, 2006, 9:37
Why did the sixth and all subsequent warriors fall for the first trap when the first five didn't. Had something changed within the labyrinth, unknown to its creators?

Overall, not a bad submission.
Voted chilled
May 30, 2006, 9:36
a pretty good idea all in all.
it could use a bit of updating though, i.e. why did the warriors fail, etc.
pretty good idea though i like it.

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