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ID: 6870

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July 16, 2012, 4:02 pm

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Telchar

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Telchar, the half Orchish ruled planet similar to planet Earth.


Telchar is a planet just like our Earth yet has only 2 continents, and half of the world is controlled by Earth. Dol'Norok is the leader of the Orcish land of Malor. The other continent, The Badlands, is ruled by Humans, Dwarves, and Elves. There are many rivers located in both continents and even more mountain ranges.



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Comments ( 7 )
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Cheka Man
July 16, 2012, 18:34
0xp
I'm assuming this must be a stub?
Ouroboros
July 16, 2012, 19:38
4xp
Thalimir, I am assuming you are new to Strolen, so first off, I´d like to say hello and welcome. Here, you will find some truly awesome stuff by some really talented people. Whether you are a gamer, a writer or a dreamer (myself, I belong in all three categories), there will be something here for you.

However, the quality of the submissions you will find here is due not only to imagination and creativity, but also to the effort and time put into a sub. As we say: "flesh it out". Make it sexy. Make it accessible. Make it ready for use or to be disassembled at the readers leisure. Make ´em sit up and perk their ears.

Most people here, myself included, never put less than a hour or so into a sub. A sub can be short, but then it should be BECAUSE it should be short and sexy, not because it is sloppily made.

Now, I´m not voting to remove this. I would LOVE to see a planet of Orcs, in a sub detailing regions, races, technology, politics, history - everything. You have the idea, now fill in the missing pieces. In fact, I´m sure you have all those ideas already, so dont waste them.

All good subs (as well as books) start off with an idea, which is what you have here. Instead of removing this, I´d love to see you excel and make this idea into something beautiful and terrifying.

Good luck,

David
Dossta
July 16, 2012, 19:50
3xp
Welcome to the Citadel, Telchar.

First off, let me thank you for taking the time to post on the Citadel and for sharing your idea with us -- it's great to have new people join our community! Challenging your first submission was not something I wanted to do, but I feel that it will give you some needed time to expand and revise this idea until it's ready for public vetting. If you leave it up as it is now, you will probably get very low scores on it and that would be discouraging.

As a community, you will probably find that Strolenites have pretty high standards when it comes to published stuff. We like to see a submission that is well thought-out, described well, and easy to use in a game. This sub gives us very little to work with -- it's more of an idea seed or *possibly* a stub (a submission that receives no votes because it is short and/or incomplete).

If you want to revise this and try again, I would suggest first reading the following article by MoonHunter: Five Best Tips for Posting on Strolens and Other Places. Then I would start looking at this idea that you have, and really seeing where it could be fleshed out. Why is a planet that is ruled by orcs and humans unusual? I read this and immediately thought of Azeroth, the game world of World of Warcraft. How is Telchar different?

Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Or, if not me, try connecting with another Citadel member. While we can be a critical bunch, you will find that we also strive to be helpful whenever possible. There are tons of people on here who are more than willing to bounce ideas around, especially with new authors. Hop into chat, or try a forum thread -- you're sure to find someone willing to listen and/or give advice.
Kassy
July 18, 2012, 7:38
0xp
Welcome to the Citadel Thalimir!

It great when new people join the site and even better to see them contribute!

There isn't really much that hasn't already been mentioned in the two comments above mine, so good luck!

If you ever need any help with anything, want to bounce around a few ideas or need help with something, there are always members willing to help you.

As for the 'submission', I don't want to demoralise you, but in my mind a vote is better than no vote.

There is an idea here, that's a start! Now it just needs to be as Ouroboros put it 'fleshed out'!

For now I will give this a 1.5/5
Voted Kassy
July 18, 2012, 7:38
0xp
Forgot to select vote.
Mourngrymn
July 18, 2012, 18:38
0xp
Damn I had high hopes for this. It sounded really intriguing by the intro.
Voted valadaar
December 7, 2012, 14:23
0xp
...


Random Idea Seed View All Idea Seeds

       By: Monument

THE COVEN
When the characters approach a clearing in the forest, they will see 4 ogres who are guarding, and preventing from escape, 4 human males, and 3 human females. The ogres will see the party and leap to attack. The females will scream "OUR SAVIORS!!" and run screaming straight across the currently forming battlefield, in between ogres and party members, to hide behind the rearmost party members. They will be safe there. The males will try to skirt the battle to the north side to join the women.

To the south, giants will be hiding in the thick underbrush until the party has engaged the ogres and then attack the most opportune target EXCEPT the ones that the females are next to.

It should be noted that the female commoners are not female commoners at all, nor are the male commoners actually male commoners. The female commoners are the hags, who have polymorphed themselves as the commoners in their stewpot to escape detection. The males skirting the battle are actually MORE ogres, the hags were in the process of polymorphing ALL the ogres into regular humans for ambush purposes. The REAL commoners are already dead, having found their way into the coven's cauldron for dinner.

The hags (the women) will position themselves near to any spellcasters in the rear first, and then near anyone else in the back of the fight. The ogres (the men) will wait until the hags shift form, and then attack first the rear folks, then shift into the melee.

It is possible that the characters, as they approach the ogres, will notice the giants in the bush, and be able to warn the others of the ambush.

GAME NOTES: If you sell the screaming women correctly, they will not even be suspected until it is too late. Therein lay the problem. This encounter is ESPECIALLY deadly to the rear eschelon of the party. It is entirely possible that the hags will finish off half the party before they even realize they have been duped. Caution is required if the game master wishes to avoid a TPK(total party kill).

Encounter  ( Forest/ Jungle ) | July 14, 2005 | View | UpVote 2xp


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