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Comments: 9
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Rating: 3.7
Condition: Normal
ID: 6260

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February 22, 2011, 11:10 pm

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Skrelleth Demons

By:

How much hatred does it take to buy revenge?

Intro

Sean stood on the sidelines with the other mid-level priests and watched as Kylara, the newest acolyte, stood before the master and began to chant the first of the twenty-nine histories. He grimaced as the girl's naturally musical voice continued, her perfect pitch grating on his nerves and deepening his disapproving scowl. Meanwhile, her too pretty face glowed with pride.

This was the master's daughter, flaunting her status and privilege before all who gathered. Not once did she skip over a word or stutter. And why would she? The girl had likely been studying since she could speak. Sean had been given no such help. He had worked and fought for every bit of skill he had. No one had ever given him a hand up. And yet, here stood this young upstart, holding not even half of his forty years and already acting the queen. No doubt she would be groomed to take over when her father retired.

Laying in his bed that night, unable to sleep, Sean began visualizing all the horrible things he would like to see happen to the young brat. He would love to see her voice stolen by a debilitating illness, or hear that she had been ravaged by an Orc and had lost the will to live. He would even settle to discover that she had been caught cheating with memory magics and would soon be driven out into the cold. Sean felt a warm presence begin to enfold him as he considered all the possibilities. More pleasant images began to flood his mind, as though a soft voice were whispering sweet tales into his ear. At length sleep overtook him with a smile upon his face.

With every passing week, Sean's hatred burned stronger and brighter. He saw Kylara receiving more training than he ever had as an acolyte. He watched her gain more responsibilities and leadership over the other acolytes than he could bear. He made many plans on how to exact his vengeance upon the young upstart. Yet, being a coward by nature, he never dared to put any plan into action. During the day he found himself chilled, weak, and shaky with the hatred that suffused him. But at night he felt infused with a strange warmth while experiencing wonderful dreams of humiliation and torture. He felt as if some divine being was wrapping him up in its warm embrace and telling him all would be set to rights. He could not see the half-dozen small demons which surrounded him, taking turns whispering thoughts into his mind and warming themselves by the glow of his utter hatred.

When Sean learned that Kylara was set to lead the Sun-Greeting ceremony for the spring equinox, he became livid. No acolyte in their entire history had had such a privilege. But when that day came around, a mild illness made its rounds through the temple. It was merely an inconvenience for most, but Kylara found herself hit the hardest and temporarily lost her voice. The herbalist's remedy, which worked wonders for all the others, did not help the girl. Instead, she found her body fighting against it, breaking out into sores which would eventually turn to scars. To prevent this, the master ordered a healer to sit by the girl's bed and do what she could to minimize the damage. Unfortunately, the salve that the healer would normally use had already been depleted by a plague outbreak in a neighboring city and so she was unable to completely heal the damage.

Turning to her magics, the healer inexplicably stumbled while reciting the incantation. The result helped reduce the scarring but the process went too quickly and the girl found herself in intense pain as her body rewove itself. The pain caused her to scream, which further damaged her throat and gave her a permanent hoarseness.

With each new difficulty that cropped up, Sean felt the warmth and the dreams increase. So preoccupied with the way events were turning out, he failed to notice that he had begun to age prematurely. Deep wrinkles furrowed his skin. His hair began to whiten. Age spots dotted the backs of his hands and his skin began to thin. But these things did not matter to him. He was warmed by his burning hatred.

The Demons

A Skrelleth demon is small and looks much like an imp. They are invisible to normal sight and immune to mundane weapons. They are drawn to deep-seated hatred and feed on its intensity. In turn they are able to send dreams and small thoughts into their host's mind to help increase the intensity of the hatred. To further boost the source of their sustenance, they are able to perform minor curses on the victim. This causes small inconveniences at first, but attempts to fix those will inevitably result in more debilitating circumstances. Cures for an illness become poisonous, spells go awry, accidents happen, sleep becomes fleeting.

This will continue as long as the hatred continues. Eventually, the hatred will begin to take its toll on the host, manifesting as premature aging. The three most common outcomes are: the victim commits suicide, the host has a change of heart and gives up on the hatred (this is rare), or the host's body gives out and he or she dies. Despite the aging, most hosts continue to hold onto their hatred. Watching a mortal enemy live in misery is all they seem to care about.

Plot Hooks

Sick party member: one of the PC's begins experiencing a run of bad luck. Whatever area the PC excels at becomes hampered in some way. A warrior breaks an arm while performing a mundane task and attempts to fix it leave the arm weakened. Wizards experience sudden memory loss and are unable to cast spells. The party must determine the source and put an end to it.

Old acquaintance: the party visits an acquaintance from years back, only to find he has aged too quickly. They must discover the cause and convince him to let go of his unnatural hatred.



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Comments ( 9 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Strolen
February 22, 2011, 15:39
1xp

It might be because it is late but I had to read the first two sentences a dozen times to get it straight. "take her place' told me that Sean was a girl and the other was taking her place. Then in the next sentence it said the girl in front of the master was 40, or is that Sean...ah, "his" I guess he is a dude, oh -'s that is a break in the sentence. There were a couple more leading sentences that were interrupted by commas making it hard to track. (It happened that...) I normally don't nickpick but I very much enjoyed the narrative but it didn't flow. There wasn't much to prove the intense hatred but I can assume more went on, don't need it all.

Would like to see a hint of the demon in the passage though. At least an inkling of hatred not fully his own perhaps to give some foreshadowing to the unnaturalness of it all. That would make the intense anger more justified.

Sorry, didn't mean to dwell. I will hold the vote and give it another read.

MysticMoon
February 22, 2011, 15:45
1xp
Ah, I see what you mean. I'll take another whack at it this evening.
Voted Pieh
February 22, 2011, 20:08
0xp

I liked this one. It provides a very nice rough sketch of what I need to use the creature. The narrative was capturing, though a little disjointed, as noted, and really gave me just enough detail for my mind to wander around and fill in a picture. I think this is a very good submission, because each reader will walk away from it with a slightly different impression of the events leading up to, and concluding, the feeding process

Again, good work.

Voted Cheka Man
February 22, 2011, 20:38
0xp

Use them at your peril.

MysticMoon
February 22, 2011, 23:10
1xp
Update: I cleaned up the overall narrative. Hopefully it is clearer and less disjointed. I also deepened the motivations, included the demons in the main text, and added a couple of plot hooks.
Voted Strolen
February 22, 2011, 23:46
1xp

That made a huge difference! It all falls together very nicely and the narrative compliments and enhanced the nature of the demons to make them more useable. Great addition of a few hooks as well. PCs often make plenty of enemies so could see this coming into play. Solid sub!

Voted EchoMirage
February 23, 2011, 3:32
2xp

It does not feel like revenge - after all, the girl did nothing to actually wrong Sean the Failure.

Also, this kind of petty envious hatred is so common that likewise the Skrelleth demons would inadvertently be an everyday problem.

Also, the >curse< thing is unfitting for such petty critters - I see them rather physically switching bottles, spilling poison ivy extracts into a bath, or carrying a diseased cloth to their victim.

MysticMoon
February 23, 2011, 19:37
0xp
Of course, in reality, Sean was not actually wronged. My intent was to make him appear petty and miserable rather than someone to identify with. He would fully believe that he was the victim of a cruel injustice and that what happened to Kylara was in fact revenge.

I don't think that most individuals would be susceptible to the dreams and whispers of the Skrelleth because most people are able to get over themselves. But there are those who will go to no end of effort to blame other people for their own shortcomings and those are the people that inspired me to write this.

I can certainly see a variation of the Skrelleth making their mischief on a physical level, as you suggest. I had envisioned them being unable to directly touch things on the physical plane, which is why I went with a curse.
Voted Drackler
February 25, 2011, 20:18
0xp

 It's good, it's usable, and I liked the narrative introduction. I especially liked the image of the demons warming themselves on Sean's hatred.



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