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Items
Tools
Magical
3.2
5 Votes

11xp


Hits: 549
Comments: 7
Ideas: 0
Rating: 3.2
Condition: Normal
ID: 6612

Submitted:

Updated:
February 4, 2012, 8:08 pm

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Ruby Heart

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100 word magic item

 

The Ruby Heart is the fastest way to get home. A heart-shaped charm is carved from a ruby and several smaller silver hearts are made with the pieces. The Ruby Heart is then placed on any door and becomes magically stuck. This is the Home door. By placing one of the silver hearts on any other door, that door opens as if it were the other side of the home door. The portal between the doors looks like a normal two-way doorway that remains open until the door is closed. Once closed, the silver heart burns out and becomes useless.



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Comments ( 7 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

axlerowes
February 4, 2012, 17:25
5xp

Could you use a similiar supernatural technology or technique to make slippers?  

I think you could/should cut some words out of the first four sentences and then describe what happens when the magic is employed in a little more detail.

Does the silver heart burning out mean you only use it once?  Does the enchanted distant door look like the ruby door, how many people can pass through it, how long can it stay open and what can you see through the open door?  If the magic isn't too obvious: clever players would trick people into passing through it or drop ex-wvies or monsters into the rooms of the unpopular or evil. 

OmegaDraco
February 4, 2012, 20:15
0xp
Thanks for the feedback. I made some changes to explain the way it works in greater detail.

I wanted to create a fun utility item that has many uses. I really like the ideas you've come up with so far.
Voted axlerowes
February 4, 2012, 20:49
0xp

Nice conservation of language now, and this a very useful item. 

Voted Chaosmark
February 5, 2012, 7:40
Only voted
Voted Roack
February 10, 2012, 19:11
0xp

Great, functional transportation item. I wonder, though, if the ruby heart is magically stuck to the door, how does the user retrieve it? After closing the door, the heart could be thousands of miles away. That might make for some interesting twistiness.

I'm enamored of the first sentence. "The Ruby Heart is the fastest way to get home," is perfectly succicinct, and has that folksy fairy-tale ring to it that I love.

Voted chilled
June 9, 2012, 16:23
Only voted
Voted valadaar
December 5, 2012, 13:43
0xp
A good 100-word item. Clear and usable.


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