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Items
Melee Weapons
Magical
2.5
4 Votes

4xp


Hits: 2069
Comments: 8
Ideas: 0
Rating: 2.5
Condition: Normal
ID: 5448

Submitted:

Updated:
November 24, 2008, 6:06 pm

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Ragnarok

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Ragnarok; An ancient flameblade hidden in a crumbling dwarven crypt

Full Item Description
The glittering red greatsword seems to be forged entirely of ruby, although it appears to be stronger than steel. An obsidian gem sparkles in the hilt of the blade which is made of darkwood. Energy flickers like a fire along the blades core.

History
In a war centuries ago the famed dwarven craftsman Ragnarok Steelsoul was called upon by worshippers of Moradin to create a vicious blade capable of decimating entire armies. He immediately set upon his task as his fervent devotion to Moradin was stronger than his curiosity. He then decided a mortal blade was much too weak and immediately sought a priest to bless his blade with the divine fire of the heavens, he traveled the Holy City of Moradesh and pleaded with the high priest to grant his blade a fire never before gazed upon by mortals. The high priest took up his offer and placed a black gem of power upon the blade calling on his god. Rumor has it that Moradin himself appeared and blew fire into the blade, a black dangerous fire that consumed the souls of the living. Moradin warned that the blade must never be used to harm another living dwarf or their clans will be cursed for eternity. Alas on his journey home the joyous smithy was set upon by brigands and perished. But the blacksmiths spirit rose again and regained the blade, and took it to hide it from the world so its mighty power would never fall to evil. The blade is said to be guarded by the dead, the poor blacksmith himself and all who have come to claim it. One day the rightful owner will come to take up the blade and wield its might but that day has yet to come.

Magic/Cursed Properties
The blade can be called upon to summon fire wreathing its wielder and the sword in a curtain of translucent black flame. This flame is dangerous and deals fire damage and negative energy damage to all who encounter it. The blade is said to be able to conjure columns of fire and emit fireballs ultimately destroying all in its way. One of true dwarven blood wielding it is said to be able to call upon the soul of Ragnarok to destroy his foes.

His Soul
Ragnarok whilst a great blacksmith wasn’t much of a fighter himself. He knew things about weapons most experts don’t even know, but in combat he was usually outmatched. He was an extremely passionate fellow so his soul houses all of that power. So,while he may have been weak in life in death he is ever stronger.

Moradin
Moradin is the great god of the dwarves, he is hailed as the creator and protector of the race and he takes this job very seriously. As the god of dwarves he is also affiliated with smithing, metalworking, engineering and war.



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Comments ( 8 )
Commenters gain extra XP from Author votes.

Voted Pieh
November 18, 2008, 21:14
0xp
First off: Welcome to Strolen's Citadel

Now, this isn't bad. It is clear and well-written with no obvious spelling errors to detract from the idea. So, that and the fact that the item is not a blatant rip-off of anything is good enough for a 2.

However, overall it needs work. For one, there should be a reason for it being a sword. Or a reason why a legendary Dwarven weapon would be a sword, and not an axe or a hammer. But, that's just a little flavor issue. Certainly not too big of a deal.

OK, now the key part. When creating a submission you need to think of adaptability and power. This is very powerful, and a legendary item, therefore not-so-easily used in someone's game. So it is bound to be voted lower. Then there is the "able to conjure columns of fire and emit fireballs ultimately destroying all in its way" statement. That is a problem. Combine that with the summoning of the Soul of Ragnarok, and you have an item that is just too powerful for an average game.

Lastly, I assume Ragnarok is a very powerful Dwarven spirit. But, i cant be sure since it only says he was a famed Dwarven craftsmith, we need more details on him.

Final note: I like the image this blade conjures in my mind, but i feel like you could go into more detail with the sub overall. Did I miss anything? Anyone?
Voted Drackler
November 19, 2008, 16:34
0xp
For the most part I agree with Pieh. Also, you mention Moradin. I know who that is since I play DnD 3.5, but not everyone necessarily does, so a brief description of him would be nice (e.g. Moradin, the god of dwarves and smithies).
Voted manfred
November 19, 2008, 17:08
0xp
Pieh has said it well.

As such, using the item in a game seems a bit problematic, but it can be a nice little carrot to hold in front of some PC's noses, reminding them of the legend every time they find some minor sword with fire-related powers. :)

Not all bad, not my cup of tea.
The Spiritborn
November 19, 2008, 21:46
0xp
Pieh, you make a good point because the sword is extremely powerful, but I had intended to use as a sort of lure the entire campaign. I have placed a flame sword in my campaign with rumors swirling around that it is Ragnarok but that was just to get characters excited about the dungeon. I will eventually use the real sword in my game but that will come later when all the players are at much higher levels. I understand what you mean about the hammer and axe thing but it just didn't feel right to house that sort of power. If you are going to make it so powerful why not a mighty greatsword instead of a normally simple hammer. Lastly I do need to add more on Ragnaroks soul I will need to update my submission shortly. I do appreciate everyones imput and I will try hard to please in the near future.
Kassil
November 20, 2008, 2:04
0xp
In this case, the usage would be more 'campaign defining' than it would be 'magical'.

A key question to ask is, if you were a GM or a writer dealing in this genre, would this be something you'd be able to readily include? For example, take Ouroborus's recent Conversion Warhead. You'll never expect to see it used in a game, ever. But it can be mixed into any fantastic-steampunk setting fairly easily; the Great City of (Name, not necessarily Locastus) is known to have three of these incredibly deadly weapons left after using one in a previous war. It's great; both as background color and as a plot hook (Hey, what's this ticking sphere in this old dirigible wreck? What do you mean everyone's after us now?)

Also, everyone uses swords. That's a good reason in and of itself not to use them.
Voted Kassil
November 20, 2008, 2:20
0xp
My chief dislikes have already largely been covered, but I do have a few nitpicks; one, you're using D&D-specific terminology. I know that it's a handy framework; I've accidentally done it myself on more than one occasion. It isn't helpful in disseminating ideas, however. 'soul-burning flames' is concise and more evocative than 'deals fire damage and negative energy damage', which could help it fit in systems or games which don't have specific categories of energy, or where the energy types are significantly different.

Second, if the blacksmith had this all-powerful blade which was personally blessed by the god, shouldn't he have been more than able to deal with a few brigands? Particularly if the blade itself wreathes the wielder in destructive energy, as it is described in the properties. Indeed, one so faithful to the god, carrying a relic blessed personally by said god, should have been quite a challenge for a motley pack of brigands. I could see the rivals of the church learning of it and bringing their own forces, bolstered by the might of their deity, down to deal with the blacksmith; I could see a powerful creature sensing the power of the weapon and wanting it for itself. I just can't see brigands being the ones to kill the smith off in this case.

Last, why a sword? Swords are overdone. There are a positively ludicrous number of magic swords. Yes, they're fantasy-stereotyped as The Weapon of Choice, but they've become two-dimensional by now. Where is the hammer that commands the fire of the forge? The axe that has the might of the mountains? If it's soul-searing, why not a scythe to play off of the association with death?

It isn't really bad; I'm certain that for your specific setting, it works great. But it doesn't translate too well, and it just seems less than three-dimensional to me.
The Spiritborn
November 24, 2008, 18:06
0xp
Updated: Updated: I added in a little background on the god Moradin and the power of Ragnarok's soul.
Shriss
March 7, 2010, 23:11
0xp
I think a sword is a great idea, actually, I'm on here looking or a magical sword made for a dwarf. It's hammers and axes that make the cliche for dwarves, not swords.


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