Quickfoot Quagmire the Queer
Quagmire is an average looking man most of the time, and he likes it that way. Sometimes he is an average looking woman. He comes in many guises, always with the same goal: To deliver alcohol where it is needed, but only for the right price. He has a taste for the distasteful, an eye for coin, and is very athletic and fortuitous.
History
Quagmire used to be a Rumrunner during the war times, smuggling alchohol from wherever there was some to wherever there wasn’t, for a price. He was ingenious in his smuggling. He has even gone as far as to dress up as a women with a baby carriage, except the carriage was full of bootleg booze. His favorite method was to hide bottles of rum in his boots.
Now that the war is over, and the booze ban is lifted, he is running out of bootlegging work. He has turned to running rare liquors and dangerous substances.
The Old Life…
When he isn’t on the job, he is usually drinking with his boots in a chair next to him. His favorite drink is straight up spiced rum, which he is sometimes seen pouring into his reeking boots. He never slurs when drunk, but it’s obvious from his breath that he isn’t on his first drink.
When he is on the job you probably wont recognize him, since he usually has some sort of brilliant disguise on or is simply keeping the lowest profile possible.
His Current Life…
These days Old Quag runs The Drunken Boot, a small barroom typically open only at the end of the week.
The reason The Drunken Boot isn’t open very often is because Quag is often out trying to score some exotic alcohol for his own shelves or it is being used to house a criminal friend of Quag’s (He has many).
Special Equipment Notes
He has his "gift from the gods of booze" known as the the Rumrunners, he carries no weapons but is deadly accurate with a broken bottle and always has an ace of hearts card up his sleeve (for emergencies).
From 30 Barkeeps The Rebel
The moonshiner and bootlegger, who sells contraband orcish ale and euphoria enducing elvin fey wine. d**n’s the man while making his money. Sympathetic to those on the wrong side of the law.
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Herein are listed 30 Barkeeps, Bartenders, or proprietary owners of the drinking and sleeping establishments so frequented by adventurers and their loyal henchmen.
The Visionary
This barkeep has a dream, to one day leave behind the tedium of wiping down the bar and pouring beer all day. He aspires to become an adventurer in his own rite. He asks the PCs about hints and tips to being a hero on the go. He is young and entusiastic.
The Joker
This beerman is always ready with a quick joke. Finding a free joke website, or the joke page out of playboy ought to supply plenty of jokes. He gets a quick laugh, he’s not a stand-up man.
The Traditionalist
The third generation owner/operator of the tavern/inn. He will not tolerate changes from the ways things used to be ran, when the barkeep knew everyones name. Cheers.
The Thrill-Seeker
Lives vicariously through his patrons, offering them shots of hard liquor along with plentiful ale. The atmosphere is boisterous and the berkeep isnt afraid of wading into a bar brawl with his own two fists.
The Survivor
One time adventurer who was maimed and can no longer travel. Working a bar is a better life than begging in the streets and a good shot better than most war and adventure veterans. Lives out his old war stories with the patrons who range from the incedulous to the absolutely enthralled.
The Rogue
This barkeep is slightly oily, and offers games of chance to patrons, in secret if it is illegal, cards and dice for the most part.
The Rebel
The moonshiner and bootlegger, who sells contraband orcish ale and euphoria enducing elvin fey wine. d**n’s the man while making his money. Sympathetic to those on the wrong side of the law.
The Perfectionist
Demands the best from his employees. Frequently berates the serving wenches for spills and incorrect orders, and the rooms are always immaculte. No sawdust on the floor here.
The Penitent
Works the bar and pours the beer, but also offers quotes from the scripture and admonishes the drunkanrds and the bellicose. Well known for beerbarrel sermons and cries for moderation.
The Pedagogue
This barkeep has been there, done that. Knows a few low level spells and can pick a lock, can swing a sword, but would rather tell others how to do it, or how they did it wrong rather than do something himself. Often patronizing and always pedantic.
The Monster
This man is more beast, beating wenches for the least infraction and starts tavern brawls when he suspects patrons of cheating (beating him in cards) A violent man who buys his way out of the gaol on a regular basis. Claims to be a good king’s man.
The Masochist
Workaholic, pours the beer, and serves it since his tavern is woefully understaffed. Anything done is done by the single owner operator, dont expect speedy room service.
The Martyr
The barkeep is obviously barely able to keep up with his tasks, and is obviouly suffering and in pain. If inquired about, he claims to be working to make sure his two daughters can have new clothing this year. Any offer of extra funds is almost as offensive as shorting him on his due. “Dont need yer d**n pity money!”
The Loner
Doesnt talk other than in as few words as possible. inhospitable and surly.
The Leader
Not only is he the barkeep, but he is the local man with a plan. A sworn lord’s man, he is responcible for the safebeing of the village and is accounted as the lords appointed mayor, as well as beerman.
The Judge
Serves double duty as an arbiter in the area, and squabbling locals will interrupt meals and such with complaints for the barkeep to arbitrate. A good man who works hard, but is often overtaxed by the incessant demands of the populace.
The Gallant
The life of the tavern, this barkeep knows all of the great stories, and can play a musical instrument and sometimes even cast about a small bit of cantrippy magic. Perhaps once aspired to be a bard but settled for the beerman’s stage.
The Fanatic
The only thing that matters is the joust, how the local baron performed at the last tourney to wagering bets on the next meeting at the list. This beerman knows everything from the local champions preferred drink to the type of wood used in his favored lance. just dont talk bad about the home team.
The Director
Micromanages the work of the wenches, scolding them for being inefficient and slow. Sometimes steps in and shows them how to do things, albeint in a cold technical manner that leaves the patrons more inclined to their slightly inept hostess. Often spills beer when serving patrons himself.
The Deviant
The tavern is a strip club, with the wenches going about topless and serving watered down ale. The barkeep keeps the taps flowing while the patrons dole about coin after coin to the gyrating women. The barkeep gets a hefty share of the wealth.
The Curmudgeon
The tavern is a great place, to everyone but the owner. He sees the warped boards in the floor and every sour note the bard hits. Complains constantly, but in a fashion that makes the place seem more comfortable than decrepid.
The Conniver
Sits in the corner of the tavern while the serving wenches tap their own beer. laughs as the world does his work for him, and pays him to boot. A gambling man, snake oil sellsman, and used horse dealer.
The Conformist
Runs his tavern just like the tavern down the road/in the next town. Takes positive comparisons as the greatest praise, but ignores anything that is different from his idolized tavern.
The Competitor
Here the best looking wenches, and the lowest priced rooms, and the biggest tavern and the biggest inn with the best hunting hounds and the best frock coat. Aspires to be a merchant prince and local hero.
The Child
Inexperienced and overwhelmed. This barkeep whines of the workload, screws up orders, and couldnt function without the assistance of his irritated staffmembers. Cold beer in your lap?
The Celebrant
Festival of the Vine, Pennons, All Saint’s Day, this barkeep has the best parties and the most cheap alcohol. raise up your glass and sing along with the drinking song or you’ll be forever branded a pansy.
The Caregiver
Always has an open ear for anyone who needs to let out their sob story, and usually has some coin for those really down on their luck. Will let patrons work off their debt, but wont let the broke drink beer, they get water.
The Bravo
Armwrestle for a free beer, tossing wenches for distance, and powerlifting anvils with handles, strength is this barkeeps greatest attribute, and he likes to show it off, especially to the lay-dies.
The Bon Vivant
Taverns are for fun, so drink and be merry, lord knows the barkeep is two drinks away from the floor himself.
The Architect
This barkeep has a plan, and a goal. He is going to build a bigger and better tavern, one made out of stone and mortar, and he is going to have his own brewery. Fields to grow the grain and the hops, and workers to grind grain and stir the vats of beer. The PCs have already seen the foundations of the new stone tavern and the fields are producing their first yields of grain, to finance the brewery to come.
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Full Item Description
A pair of tall brown leather boots. They reek of rum and foot odor. They can be found on the feet of Quickfoot Quagmire the Queer, an odd old man with a spring in his step and a flask in his pocket.
History
Quagmire used to be a Rumrunner during the war times, smuggling alchohol from wherever there was some to wherever there wasn’t, for a price. He was ingenious in his smuggling. He has even gone as far as to dress up as a women with a baby carriage, except the carriage was full of bootleg booze. His favorite method was to hide bottles of rum in his boots. This worked well, until he accepted something he was told was rum, but turned out to be a little different…
It was Magius Haggous’s Rum o’ Thinkin’ and it didn’t like being stuffed in a smelly old boot. So, it escaped into the boot, it shattered the bottle and cut into Quagmire’s leg. Now we have magical boots (They absorbed the magical Rum). Drawing on some of Quagmire Quickfoot’s essence (from the blood) the boots can now grant bursts of speed, and the ability to leap great distances.
Magic/Cursed Properties
These boots are fueled by Rum! The more rum you pour into/onto them, the more agile and swift your feet become. But, as with any alchohol dependant: There are limits. Two limits, actually.
The first one is Drinking Too Much; this causes the wearer’s steps to falter and stumble, their entire body will become clumsy and they will not be able to remove the boots without a lot of help… If they can sit still.
The Second is this: The Hangover. After the boots have drunk their fill and the effects start to wear off, this drawback comes into play. The wearer’s feet will hurt, like a headache, but in their feet. Stepping too hard can cause severe pain and even feelings of vertigo. The wearer will feel too tired to do anything, and will most likely not be able to think straight enough to realize to take the boots off.
Bonus!
Magius Haggous’s Rum o’ Thinkin’
This rare liquid is actually a magical potion with animal intelligence, and a moody disposition. It must be kept comfortable until the owner decides to drink it, or else it might turn violent.
It is extremely hard to drink, since it will resist being swallowed, and cause quite an uproar in your stomach for a while. The Liquid looking for a means of escape is a possibility, you may want to vomit or urinate. In extreme circumstances you may suffer internal bruising.
However, once sucessfully consumed the drinker undergoes a slight animal transformation. Gaining some animal instincts and intuition. As well as adopting a pack mindset, territorial behaviours, and a slight bit of grumpiness.
The rum can also be used to create magical items by adding the blood of any naturally occuring creature (None of your magical freaks will work, in fact: That might have some dangerous alternate effects) and soaking the item in the rum. This results are rather random and not usually worth the hefty cost of the rum, but usually use characteristics of the person or animal the blood came from.
Plot Hooks
- The PCs are hired to find out who is supplying alchohol to a small "dry" town. Then end up chasing down Quickfoot Quagmire the Queer in an epic game of cat and mouse.
- Quickfoot is retiring due to an ailing liver and sore feet, he is offering his smelly old boots (hinting at great magical power) to the winner of a drinking contest.
- The Party witnessed Quagmire "refueling" his boots in an alley. It could be a fun interaction.
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February 4, 2009, 22:13
February 4, 2009, 22:17
February 4, 2009, 23:39
February 5, 2009, 3:04
February 5, 2009, 3:17
February 6, 2009, 10:41
February 7, 2009, 17:59
Good one! :)
February 11, 2009, 10:23
February 12, 2009, 4:51
September 23, 2012, 13:14