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1.56

9 Votes

-6xp

ID: 185
Hits: 4107
Comments: 4
Ideas: 0
Rating: 1.5556
Condition: Normal
Submitted:
December 1, 2004, 6:26 pm
Updated:
January 15, 2006, 3:53 pm

HoH not available due to level or sub is not 10 days old
Journey of Magic
By: falcon_staff

A young girl, of fifteen, sets out to find the kingdom of her land after raiders burned down her house. Now she has met a wonderful friend who schools her in the ways of the land…

A young girl, of fifteen, sets out to find the kingdom of her land after raiders burned down her house. Soon, upon her leaving, she meets a mystical being who offers help and guidance.
Along the way, the girl meets many different creatures and learns of her land, which she knew little of before.  However, she finds herself captured by slave traders who take her to the palace.
Now she needs to escape and start her life anew, but can she reunite with her friend, with whom she was seperated from after the slave traders came, or is she doomed to serve the cruel king and queen and vain prince?



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Comments ( 4 )
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CaptainPenguin
2004-12-01 10:17 PM
0xp
How is this a plot? Maybe for a book, but it'd be a pretty boring or pretty juvenile book.
Who is this girl? Who is the mystical being she meets? What are the different creatures? What do the king and queen have to do with it?

1/5.
Ancient Gamer
2004-12-01 11:09 PM
0xp
If your target audience are small children it is a nice concept. you might want to colour it even stronger, more black and white, as children sometimes have problems understanding the more subtler nuances. (Like irony, shades of grey, etc...) (The raiders could be depicted more vividly for instance. Also: Put a note on your story, informing us about its intended audience)

If the target audience is adults you might want to heed the captains words, unless you are aiming for a naivistic and simplistic setting.
Voted axlerowes
2006-09-13 05:17 PM
0xp
This more of a NPC than a plot. Maybe if the girl had some special info. about her lost land or the nature of magic.

Maybe the girl herself can be a "map".
Murometz
2006-09-13 05:44 PM
0xp
mmm...I once had half a map tattooed on a pirates tongue. The other half? I cant say. Its a PG-13 site :D

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