Since the invention of commercial gunpowder, there has been one company that dominates the realm of poorly placed containers of high explosives. The ACME Exploding Barrel and Crate company produces a variety of such destructible commodities.
The Model 1 Red Barrel
A long time product, the Model 1 superficially resembles a 55 gallon steel barrel paighted with bright red paint. A logo and text of the consumer’s choice is available underneath dynamic bold lettering demonstrating the explosive power of the barrel. Scientists and engineers at the ACME company have spent countless hours creating a steel barrel that will explode 100% of the time when penetrated by a bullet. Not only do these barrels detonate in a reliable manner, they are also inexpensive and safe enoug to be handled by minions, henchmen, and mutants who are barely able to handle basic firearms or operate mechanical doors.
The Model 45 Yellow Barrel
Very much similar to the Model 1, the Model 45 contains alternate hazardous materials such as clouds of poisonous gas that causes rapid death, but also dissipates to harmlessness in a matter of seconds and requires no special ventilation of handling. The Model 45 comes with the same warranty as the Model, though do to the variety of chemicals involved is more expensive.
The WC-500 Wooden Crate
This wooden crate, handsomely emblazoned with words like Danger, High Explosives, and Ammo has a larger destructive capability than the standard red barrel. Unlike the barrels, this luxurious hand crafted craft cen be moved around to serve as impromptu stairs, triggers for traps, and ways to foil intrusion countermeasure systems. The WC-500 is also available in a bullet resistant, non-explosive model at signifigant discount.
Delivery and Customer Service
All ACME products are delivered in covered moving trucks staffed with able bodied and not quite intelligent goons who will efficiently offload your precious cargo of exploding barrels and or crates with a 100% gaurantee of non-exploding satisfaction. These barrels and or crates will be scientifically placed in optimal positions around your lair, warehouse, or military installation. Yes, after decades of Political Lobbying, the ACME company in associatin with OSHA no longer requires explosives to be handled only by trained personel, and hazmat rooms are no longer required for storage.
ACME…Because no other exploding barrel will do.
New Submissions



March 28, 2007, 17:00
Silly. Very Silly.
March 28, 2007, 17:05
March 30, 2007, 13:52
Unfortunately, my wife won't let me order anything new from ACME until I fix the damage from when I ordered an ACME Gyrocopter. It was a shame: It looked so good in the infomercial!
I guess that I should have been suspicious when they had Wile E. Coyote as their spokeman...
March 30, 2007, 13:54
March 28, 2007, 17:30
March 28, 2007, 17:39
March 28, 2007, 22:56
March 29, 2007, 2:27
Please use ACME products responcibly.
March 29, 2007, 6:44
Don't tell me you want to create a game featuring this - though it could be hilarious. :)
March 29, 2007, 7:18
Deprived of these defences half my imps were slaughtered before I could get the situation under control.
Can I please have my money back and compensation for my lost imps as well?
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Great stuff Scras – very silly indeed – 4/5
March 29, 2007, 11:35
:)
March 30, 2007, 12:34
Now correct me if I am wrong, but does this division of Acme also sells a line of brightly colored keys, with matching locks, and the mechanisms for sliding/ retracting doors (with camoflauged/ hidden versions) as well, or does some other division do that. If memory serves some models open when you bang into them while other require switches to be thrown).
The mock lava from the catalog, with the super pump to keep it hot and going, is something I can heartily recommend. The radioactive goo has an awful smell, but is still as effective.
I do miss the days when Acme sold those fun rocket powered rollerskates. My last pair finally exploded.
March 31, 2007, 15:49
August 6, 2009, 17:41
August 8, 2009, 3:16