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Freeform Roleplaying / Re: Cytherean Cycle, the
« Last post by valadaar on October 30, 2015, 07:18:16 AM »
And he did. He _was_ kind of tired...  He expected someone to run up and make sure his makeup was good...

Rolled 4d6, but I expect this is a 'spirit' roll, 2d6 in my case... So, 5

(08:14:36) Minion: valadaar rolls 4d6 and gets 4,1,1,5.
Freeform Roleplaying / Re: Cytherean Cycle, the
« Last post by EchoMirage on October 30, 2015, 04:15:52 AM »
Cytherea was not too different from Terra in regard to everybody wanting to take advantage of everybody else. Except for a few selfless idealists - and the rest took enthusiastically advantage of those.

As the translator blabbered "calibrating", Luna thought "let's give it something to calibrate with. The lizard's attention focused on Derek in an almost enamoured fashion. Good. "Whatever you have going on there, boys, keep it up." The Lemurian used the opportunity to stealthily shift between the rocks to approach the slaver from the rear. Withdrawing the knife from her belt, she dashed forward, to swing into the saddle behind him and place the blade just right under the chin, where the scales were soft and likely ticklish.
Sneaky 22! I am the night. (09:14:23) Minion: EchoMirage rolls 5d6 and gets 6,1,6,5,4.
Freeform Roleplaying / Re: Cytherean Cycle, the
« Last post by Murometz on October 29, 2015, 10:45:48 PM »
A shrill hiss from Derek's plasma blaster shot in the ashen-scaled lizard's things direction, aimed at the chain holding the boy, tethered to the shaggy beast. The chain dropped limp in two directions, disintegrated in the spot where the plasma met the metal. The boy was free.

The lizard thing said "Czsiszuk'k" but Derek's translawatsa thingy just then announced, "calibrating", in its tinny cold voice, missing the translation.

The lizard then pierced Derek with an intense glare, its suddenly color-shifting reptilian slit eyes fixated on Skyrider.   

Derek's head clouded. Something told him that maybe the best thing to do would be to stand perfectly still and do nothing for a while.

The lizard-thing withdrew another throwing chain from the folds of its robe-like rags. A collar was attached to one end. It took aim at Skyrider.

Derek needs to roll some d6s to "save" vs the lizard thing's hypnotic stare.
Sagely Advice / Re: Be Needing Writing Tips
« Last post by Gossamer on October 29, 2015, 04:49:45 AM »
Haven't read Agatha Christie, though I have watched Poirot the tv series. And Miss Marple. I think at least one of those was written by her if not both. So I'm assuming there was a lot of characters? So far I've got 7.

Me personnally, I get bored really quickly by longwinded descriptions, I would rather something happen. But since it's a transition scene and there's a lot to be said...

Sagely Advice / Re: Be Needing Writing Tips
« Last post by Murometz on October 28, 2015, 06:50:08 PM »
You can try an Agatha Christie style approach. Your last line reminded me of it. And of course the train-car being the perfect setting for just such an approach. Every character gets a quick description, focusing on what stands out about them physically/first look. Then come back with more detail on each, as they begin their conversations around the table.
Sagely Advice / Re: Be Needing Writing Tips
« Last post by Gossamer on October 28, 2015, 06:18:01 AM »
Well it's a flashback scene, third person past tense, e.g. "Bob picked up the glass of milk and drank it." The observing narrative enters into the scene when everyone is gathered. It's a train car, so I suppose I could have at least one or two person(s) entering from another carriage, but it wouldn't make sense if everyone was spread out throughout the train.

And like I said, there's quite a few characters with very strange features that would warrant immediate attention, since it's also close to the first time the protagonist is introduced to them (right before they got onto the train) as well as when the narrative first includes them.

I plan to show a bit about their personalities through how they interact with eachother, since they are already acquainted between themselves, but as for the visual cues... I don't want it to drone on, but I have a lot of information I want/need/feel inclined to dish out about each individual case.
Sagely Advice / Re: Be Needing Writing Tips
« Last post by Chaosmark on October 27, 2015, 11:15:33 AM »
Do they all need to be introduced immediately? One of the better ways I've seen things like that handled was to have everyone around a conference table, and while you mention that there are lots of people there when the POV character moves into the room, you don't go into detail at all until they draw the attention of the POV character for some reason (either as an introduction, or through the flow of conversation).

Most of the time, unless you're writing third-person omniscient, what the POV character notices is also when and what the audience notices and/or is introduced to. That's somewhat the point of having a POV character in the first place.
Sagely Advice / Be Needing Writing Tips
« Last post by Gossamer on October 27, 2015, 10:58:28 AM »
How would you go about introducing a large group of diverse and hopefully distinct and interesting people all in the same paragraph/chapter of text?

I get that A) Keep it simple, and B) Don't use too many adjectives/adverbs and/or big words.

But how does one portray people in a way that just hits home without using a lot of words to flesh them out?

Worse yet, I chose to introduce them in a passive enviroment so it's not a whole lot of SHOW, only tell. Choice of sitting positions or standing up, leaning against walls etc. But even if it was say a fight scene, how does one make an introduction snappy and telling without droning on?

For instance, I think it would be a mistake to gloss over descriptions when there are things that really stand out about a lot of them. Like how would you go about introducing the avengers or the x-men in writing only? You can only maintain disbelief for so long after all, but when everyone sitting there except yourself visibly seem like a freak?
Links / Re: Interesting Writing Links
« Last post by Strolen on October 26, 2015, 05:59:52 PM »
I should replace our editor with that. :)
Links / Interesting Writing Links
« Last post by valadaar on October 26, 2015, 10:10:23 AM »
I tripped over the hemingway editor.  As a test, I used it to redo my Tohm's Bones submission.


It's one of my older submissions, and I'm not entirely sure what to think about the result.  The original was rated 'ok' with a grade 11 level and lots and lots of colored blocks - pretty much the entire submission was off in some manner.

My revision below comes in at grade 8 level (good), only objecting to the adverb Mysteriously.

I would have never had thought one could come to like a rattling pile of walking bones, but Tohm grew on me.  I found his checker games with Formuo amusing. Whenever Thom took one of Formuro‚Äôs pieces he would rattle his jaw in joy..  From the diary of Professor Ethric, faculty of Divination.


An articulated skeleton with small leather and metal joints holding the bones together.  Sometimes he wears discarded clothing and hats, often in bizarre combinations.


Tohms bones once belonged to a condemned criminal. They were willed to the Royal Academy which assembled and animated them by magic. The skeleton was for use in anatomy classes to show common movements.

 The students adopted the skeleton as a mascot  - it  became a fixture at many social events. Mysteriously, Thom became more self-directed, starting to do basic tasks and tricks unprompted. It is not known exactly when a spirit decided to occupy Tohm Bones.  Some suggest he was possessed by the spirit of a student killed in an odd laboratory accident. Others think someone performed an unauthorized ritual  to invest the skeleton with intelligence.  Tohm Bones now shows a level of intelligence far above what one would expect of a simple construct.  An investigation by the faculty found that Tohm was not undead,. Instead they reported that Tohm is a smart bone construct with no clear evil or malicious intent.

Tohm still plays his part demonstrating in anatomy classes, and as a mascot.  He goes to classes and watches with empty sockets, scribbling unreadable notes on slates.  Unable to speak, none believe he will ever cast spells, but nothing is for certain with Tohm.

He manages to communicate a bit  through gestures and pantomime.

He has  been spending a great deal of time in the company of Formuo and they have established a fast friendship.  Formuo understands Tohms gestures and jaw-clacking and they 'chat' for hours.
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