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What would you like to be slapped with today?

A halibut.
3 (17.6%)
A wombat toting a flamethrower.
7 (41.2%)
A gaggle of geese.
1 (5.9%)
A rubber chicken.
3 (17.6%)
A chicken's rubber.
3 (17.6%)

Total Members Voted: 16

Author Topic: Approach me if ye dare!!!  (Read 7765 times)

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Offline Agar

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Approach me if ye dare!!!
« on: December 21, 2003, 12:53:55 AM »
I hereby challenge all takers to a duel! Marquis of Queensbury rules! Many of you I have seen wishing for a fight and now you find a war brought to your footsteps!

All who dare approach me will be assaulted with a variety of objects that amuse me! No one will be spared, no quarter will be given as I have no coin!

Don't make me turn this car around or I'll find a tofu stand with a view and a really nice juice bar and shackle you to a comfy chair, stranded, left with nothing to sustain you, but a whole tofurkey and a carfe of carrot juice with a sprig of lemon while you endure your pastel flower print wallpapered hell!
After a brief retirement while I got married and traveled the country, I'm back. Just getting back into the swing of things for now, but gearing up to hit things up like I used to.

Offline Shadoweagle

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« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2003, 02:00:27 AM »
*Explodes*
 
Gah! Killed by gibberish!
Lazarus Lightward, Elite Diabolist of the Brotherhood - Level 3 Occultist
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Offline Shadoweagle

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« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2003, 02:04:25 AM »
And incidentally... A wombat is deadly enough without a flamethrower - take this from an Australian.

Wombats have left towns in nothing more than smoldering ruins.
Lazarus Lightward, Elite Diabolist of the Brotherhood - Level 3 Occultist
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Offline Strolen

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« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2003, 02:44:33 AM »
Quote from: "Shadoweagle"
*Explodes*
 
Gah! Killed by gibberish!


Looks like you have already been slapped down Agar. LOL  <-aaahhh chatspeak

"You have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. In what world could you possibly beat" anybody?

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Offline Strolen

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« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2003, 02:45:32 AM »
What's a chhicken?

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Offline Shadoweagle

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« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2003, 03:13:00 AM »
*Blinks* Uuh... er... Yes...
Lazarus Lightward, Elite Diabolist of the Brotherhood - Level 3 Occultist
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Offline Ria Hawk

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« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2003, 11:23:37 PM »
I will rain down an unholy DOOM of gibberish upon your DOOMED heads!  For I know the mighty secrets of... THE HAPPY NOODLE BOY RANT! *dun dun dun*  The Happy Noodle Boy Rant is nothing like you have ever seen!  Unless of course you were around when Citizised SlickFace was, in which case you may have some idea.  The sheer gibberish will make your very spleens implode!  Your SPLEENS, do you hear me?
Sometimes angels fall from grace, and sometimes heroes die.

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Offline Agar

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« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2003, 03:01:50 PM »
---Strolen---
*An iridescent chicken with a stutter charges at Strolen with blinding speed.* "B-B-B-Bwak Bwak!!!"

---Ria---
I shall defeat your Happy Noodle Boy Rant *dun dun dun* with my Bi-polar Chopsticks of Asexual Persuasion! *Boom-chicka-bow-bow* It.
too, is unlike anything you've ever seen, because it only exists in the dimension the lives behind your back. It's there, really, just turn around and you'll see it. ... Nope, it's still behind you. ... No, the other way. ... Turn around! Faster! ... You almost saw it that time!

...

No, wait, never mind, I was thinking about the dimension behind my back. But only I can see thatone.

---Shadoweagle---
*Rewinds tape of Shadoweagle exploding* This is so cool. *rewind* Hahaha. *rewind* Look at his face. HAHAhaaa. *rewind* You can see right where he thinks he starts to get it. *pause* Yhea, right there. HA! *rewind* Does he know he can't blink after his head has exploded? *fast forward to eyelids fluttering to the ground* I guess not...
After a brief retirement while I got married and traveled the country, I'm back. Just getting back into the swing of things for now, but gearing up to hit things up like I used to.

Offline Strolen

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« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2003, 10:40:40 PM »
I lethargically remove a piece of gum, insert it into my mouth while yawning, and crumple the shiny wrapper into a wad and toss it aside which the *shiny thing* should immediately attract even an irridescent stuttering chicken.

The chicken flies right by it, the only reason being that its blinding speed has indeed blinded it.

The irridescent stuttering chicken has indeed blinded itself and I take a step to the side pull out a revolving door out of my left pocket and place it directly in the chickens path.

The chicken spinning the door provides a nice breeze before it starts barreling back towards Agar.

With a leap of stunning ability I jump on top of it, place two corn cob holders into each side of the chicken's head and use the corn cob holders to steer the runaway chicken.

"Agar! What is that behind you?"

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Offline Agar

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« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2003, 10:50:28 PM »
*Strolen and the iridesent stuttering chicken disappear into the dimesion behind me and now only Ican see them.*

Mwa-ha-ha-haaaaaa!
After a brief retirement while I got married and traveled the country, I'm back. Just getting back into the swing of things for now, but gearing up to hit things up like I used to.

Offline Strolen

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« Reply #10 on: December 22, 2003, 11:15:56 PM »
Wha....

Hu....

Ahhhhhh.....

What a second....that's not a dimension, it is just dirty hair that looks like another dimension!

You thought what you kept feeling on your hair was an extradimensional beast but it was just a family of robins that nested in your hair. Did you really think their chirps was the sound of space and time warping?

Flying Squirrel – Strolenati Guild
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Lord Zargoth

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« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2003, 01:50:27 AM »
The mysterious Lord Zargoth pops in for a quick bite to eat and chops apart several interdimensional squigs with his ten-foot sword, Balmung Dude.

Offline Agar

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« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2003, 02:29:24 AM »
---Strolen---
But it is the sound of space warping. You see, you can't see, only I can see it. All you see is hair while I can see the whole of it's wonders. The strawberry skys filled with creamy clouds, the deep blue fields filled with fish, all the crops out in the rolling green sea, tending the ripe farmers. *sigh* I don't expect the unenlightened to understand. Here, I'll light you.

*Sets a pack of flamethrower toting wombats loose on Strolen*

---Lord Zargoth---
I know of you, Lord, and your 'Mysterious' ways. I know why you hide your past and cloak you dealings. PARKING TICKETS! Ah Ha, you fiend! Parking the wrong way on the wrong side of the road in front of an expired meter! Have you no shame! VARLET! All because you just had to get a new bucket of Shiney Sword (R) for your ten foot blade.

I know what the crumpets do in the middle of the night, the dancing, the singing; oh the singing, enought to make a man mad with the singing! The soft voices, chorus so gentle the words are whispers lost to the slightest sound, an errant heart beat drowns out the sounds of thier music, I know.
After a brief retirement while I got married and traveled the country, I'm back. Just getting back into the swing of things for now, but gearing up to hit things up like I used to.

Offline CaptainPenguin

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« Reply #13 on: December 24, 2003, 06:00:23 PM »
*Descends in a gigantic swirling tornado of blue and green fire*

POWER ZAD!
The ball is in my court, now!

*Tosses a severed hand clutching a fish at Agar*
Currently Reading: "Kafka On The Shore" by Haruki Murakami

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Offline Agar

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« Reply #14 on: December 24, 2003, 09:13:21 PM »
*A swirling ring of blue and green fire circles above my head, then decends ina cone to suck me up into the air while I look stunned*

Wha-aaa-aaa-aaa-aaa!

*A severed hand clutching a fish falls from the sky*

*squish*
After a brief retirement while I got married and traveled the country, I'm back. Just getting back into the swing of things for now, but gearing up to hit things up like I used to.

Offline Strolen

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« Reply #15 on: December 24, 2003, 10:03:39 PM »
*Falls off the speeding chicken in a swirling pile of dust*

A chant rises from the fallen one.

Oh la la your shoes untied.
Oh da do you stepped in poo
Taza nog, laza frog, let you be immersed in grog
Grode ne dower, give me the power of voodoo. Who do? You do? Do what? Remind me of the baaaaabe. leave me alone I am busy
Shiggle de be, shiggle de zee you now have an uncontrollable urge to pee

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Offline CaptainPenguin

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« Reply #16 on: December 24, 2003, 10:07:46 PM »
Confronted with such a giant amount of fruit juice, we just have to ask ourselves:

WWJD: WHAT WOULD JECHT DO?
Currently Reading: "Kafka On The Shore" by Haruki Murakami

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Offline CaptainPenguin

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« Reply #17 on: December 24, 2003, 10:12:01 PM »
KERBLOOP-ZAP!
PAZ-POOLBREK!
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Offline CaptainPenguin

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« Reply #18 on: December 24, 2003, 10:13:02 PM »
ATTENTION, RUFFIANS! UNCLE SAM IS DEAD! I REPEAT, UNCLE SAM IS DEAD!
Currently Reading: "Kafka On The Shore" by Haruki Murakami

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Offline CaptainPenguin

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« Reply #19 on: December 24, 2003, 10:13:37 PM »
Or is he?

DUM-DUM-DUMMMMMM!

TO BE CONTINUED!
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Offline Strolen

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« Reply #20 on: December 24, 2003, 11:23:02 PM »
He's not dead. I just bought a pack of gum and two comics from him at the corner market.

Flying Squirrel – Strolenati Guild
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Offline CaptainPenguin

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« Reply #21 on: December 24, 2003, 11:45:02 PM »
Oh. Well, say hello for me.
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Offline Agar

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« Reply #22 on: December 25, 2003, 03:19:58 AM »
*The severed hand holding the fish shakes and lands lip first on the ground. The fish slides across the ground towards Captain Penguin and starts shaking and rising into the air. The shaking's source is revealed as a pair of clown shoes protruding from the fish's mouth. As the fish and severed hand get closer, more and more of the legs appear out of the fish's mouth, growing taller and larger as they close the distance. Oversized checkered pant's emerge, held up by rainbow suspenders over a polka-dotted shirt. A pinwheel for a tie grows out of the fish's mouth, followed by Agar's face, painted up as a clown. His arms are revealed to be above his head as the fish floats higher into the air. Hands clutching a neon pink nerf (R) bat grow out of the mouth, then further into air as the bat reaches the ridiculous proportions of twelve feet long and a foot wide, with the fish and severed hand fixed to the tip.*

Swing, batta batta, swing!

*Whoosh. Fish and severed hand meets Capt's cheek at mach speeds*
After a brief retirement while I got married and traveled the country, I'm back. Just getting back into the swing of things for now, but gearing up to hit things up like I used to.

Offline Strolen

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« Reply #23 on: December 25, 2003, 04:47:38 PM »
FREEZE FRAME -- FREEZE FRAME

Something fishy is going on!
The evil clown/fish/thingy is about to clock our hero!?

BAM CRASH BOOM

Will the smack of a fish be the end of our hero?
Will the fishy clown have the last laugh?
Will our hero be ruined in the bass-O-matic?

Stayed tuned till next time.

Same Fishy place
Same Fish time.
Same Fish channel.

ROLL COMMERCIAL

Flying Squirrel – Strolenati Guild
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Offline Ria Hawk

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« Reply #24 on: December 25, 2003, 07:05:40 PM »
Gaaaah!   CLOWNS!!
*Ria pulls out the Overly Large Mallet of Pain, and swings it wildly at the clown.  She inadvertently hits the fish and severed hand, knocking them into the next duchy.  (They land in a millpond, understandably traumatizing the miller's son, but that is another story.)
I *%^&$ hate clowns!  *Starts swinging wildly*
I'll show YOU!  For none can stand against the horror that is the HAPPY NOODLE RANT!
"The squirrles plot!  Goobers!  Goobers!  Give me Goobers, pinata!  Be free, little sausage!  The rats compel you!  Therz gold in that thar hamster!  Fear the wedgie of doom!  TacktacktackDING!  REJECTED!  Soy un banan!  Did the dog send you?!  No Brain Freezy for you on this night!  I see da monkey, da monkey no see me!  I am lawyer what punches heads!  The vacuums plot!  Oh dear lord, the dustbunnies!  Run for your lives!  Auntie Em, Auntie Em!  Roll dat flashback, Bob!  Foo!  Qu'est-ce que?  I made mashed potatoes!  Must obey taco man!  Where's my squeaky moose?!  Hail Il Palazzo!  Love and peace!  Daylight come, and I smash your toes!  Hey, y'all, watch this, FOOM!  Flibbity Blimmisy Skool!  Blap."
Sometimes angels fall from grace, and sometimes heroes die.

Regina Raptorum, Benevolent Mad Scientist, Writer of Psychos, Guild Mistress of Esoteric Lore, Losers' Club Alumna, and Authentic Wacko