Author Topic: Personal Ad (Read 9686 times)

MoonHunter · « **on:** December 20, 2003, 03:24:34 AM »

Personal Ad:
SDE (Single Diabolical Entity) seeks SHF (Single Human Female) 20-24 for long term companionship. Must enjoy long walks on the beach, bowling, ice cream socials (suggestive wink), and ocasionally "lending" me small amounts of your essence. All serious replies considered. Please send photograph.

Strolen · « **Reply #1 on:** December 20, 2003, 05:46:49 AM »

Ria Hawk · « **Reply #2 on:** December 21, 2003, 10:52:20 PM »

penguin · « **Reply #3 on:** December 22, 2003, 09:51:38 PM »

EEP!

CaptainPenguin · « **Reply #4 on:** December 24, 2003, 05:47:21 PM »

*High five*
All right!

Siren no Orakio · « **Reply #5 on:** December 28, 2003, 04:00:12 PM »

Oh the fun this could be.

SPF (Single Pixie Female) seeks lonely Tentacle Beast for long nights. Must be slimey, not scaley!

MoonHunter · « **Reply #6 on:** December 29, 2003, 12:37:24 AM »

So very, very hentai. (Or is there another name for the tenticle sex fetish?)

nitouken · « **Reply #7 on:** December 29, 2003, 09:53:29 AM »

Echhi, maybe

CaptainPenguin · « **Reply #8 on:** December 29, 2003, 02:53:56 PM »

Echi is the whole tentacle thing.
Hentai just means pervert, and refers to anime porn in general.

Strolen · « **Reply #9 on:** December 30, 2003, 01:58:22 AM »

Blech.

CaptainPenguin · « **Reply #10 on:** December 30, 2003, 02:07:17 AM »

Your personal ad reminds me of the message you get when you click on a Pit Lord for a while in Warcraft III: Frozen Throne.

"Welcome back to the Tanya Show. With us today we have Malinjeroth, Hunter of the Night, and his girlfriend, Kim. Now, Kim, you were told that you two were coming for a makeover, right?"
"Right, Tanya."
"Well, I think Malinjeroth has something to tell you."
"Uuh...Kimmy...Uh..You know I love you and...Uh..."
"Yes? What is it?"
"I'm a demon."
(Audience gasps and boos)
"But..But...You told me you worked at the post office!"
"Yeah...I'm really more of a Pit Lord, to tell you the truth..."

Exit · « **Reply #11 on:** January 01, 2004, 09:52:34 AM »

What? They seriously had that? And you get it by clicking the Pit Lord multiple times?

Coooooollllll. I'm going to go check that right now!

MoonHunter · « **Reply #12 on:** March 15, 2004, 03:34:55 AM »

SEF (Single Elven Female) looking for SHM (Single Human Male) for an Elven Fling. Must like to walk in the forest in the pale moon light, Elven cooking, fighting Orc hordes, and shopping. Not being afraid of heights a big plus, as I live in a generational tree. Elven fling should last all your human lifespan. I Promise to remember you and morn your passing with deep melancholy for the rest of time. Send Photo.

Ylorea · « **Reply #13 on:** March 15, 2004, 03:40:48 AM »

Would a painting do? The photo-taking-thing stil needs to be invented as far as I know..

Luke Lavin · « **Reply #14 on:** March 15, 2004, 06:03:14 PM »

SMT (Single Male Teen) with apocltpyic destiny looking for SFT (Single Female Teen). Likes hiking, biking, the occasional computer or video game frenzy, and everyonece and a while being caught in some mystical adventure. Must put up with bad timing and do not expect him to be punctual, apoclyptic destiny has a way of needing him at the worst time.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #15 on:** August 25, 2004, 01:47:26 AM »

SEG (Single Evil Genius) seeks female of compatable allignment. Must like walking in the graveyard, torturing foes, and defending SEG from heroic interference. Must not have "good" sister or brother, had a bad experience previously. Only applicants with serious weapons skill should apply.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #16 on:** October 21, 2004, 03:14:23 PM »

SHM (single heroic male) looking for a forbidden tryst with female SESV (Single Evil Villian) or SEH (Single Evil Henchman). Looking for secret one or two time relationship with or without future dramatic entanglements. Females with a snake or green motiff are special turn ons. Please send mugshots/ wanted posters.

Kinslayer · « **Reply #17 on:** January 07, 2005, 01:38:26 AM »

There's a whole "classifieds section" on the Midian site like this. Personal ads from characters, in-game adverts, games looking for players, and even real-world type classified ads. Most of them are plot-hook type job offers. I didn't make any of these up, these are player/fan posts.

Personal ads include:

Quote

Drackonius

Single Gaijin Male seeks Single Female (race not important:)

Hi my name is Drackonius, I am a redskinned gaijin male with blond hair and green eyes. I am 8' tall and weigh 350lbs. I like killing stuff, long walks on the beach, and......triangles. I am a marine in the Formorian military and plan on moving up. I am looking for a woman who likes the same things, is fit and has a wild streak.

Please contact me I am in the Byzant empire 4 days south of Vridtown with the Iron Man guild run by Agonn.

And

Quote

Absitian Granitsol

SBZD looking for some AWFB for a cassual dinner and random conversation, for brains are slowly liquifying. Hurry if this interrests you, you have little time to respond. (SBZD = Single Brown Zombiefied Dwarf) (AWFB = Anyone With Fresh Brains)

My personal favourite:

Quote

Gareth Strongbow

SEEKING: Soldiers for hire to help rightful heir regain lands in Byzant. Experience not necessary, but loyalty and dedication a must. Pay is very good and commensurate with experience. ALSO SELLING FISHING BOAT

And this pair of ads, one in reply to the other:

Quote

Drackonius

Baby for SALE!!! I found a baby in a cave and am looking to sell her. I was going to have my family take care of her but they don't want her. And seeing as how I travel a lot in the military, I would not be able to provide a happy home for her. Not sure what her name was but I call her Lucinda. If you want to buy her please contact me. I can be found in the Byzant empire about 4 days south of Vridtown. "Caveat Emptor, Caveat Canem"

~~~

Lucius

Regards the purchasing of certain soylent products, if you would have more of these biologicals, I would be willing to purchase them for 3 bezants per little head.

The Latin quotes were due to the players' suspicion that the baby in question was a werewolf. I must confess that this particular orphaned child was from my own campaign. Drackonius turned out to be a good father after all, and Lucinda is now a teenager, and doing just fine.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #18 on:** March 24, 2005, 04:06:11 PM »

In the Seeking Friends section

Slightly used sidekick type looking for a hero to worship and follow around. Well travelled, versed in a number of skills, and willing to handle all the "funny parts" of the heroic job. Please send me clipping of your exploits and I will share mine.

Cheka Man · « **Reply #19 on:** April 04, 2005, 11:51:50 AM »

SMK (Single Male Kraken) looking for SFK (Single Female Kraken) for possible loving relationship.SFK must have all her tentacles intact and an unscarred body.

CaptainPenguin · « **Reply #20 on:** April 04, 2005, 05:45:39 PM »

SGLEBDTTS (Single Genderless Entity Beyond Description To The Sane) seeks SFS (Single Female Sacrafice) to scream and rave, and eventually transcend sanity into a lightless region of consciousness that most cannot even imagine. Must not be averse to endless mad vistas of unreality beyond the ken of man, or seafood. Nice eyes a plus!

Pieh · « **Reply #21 on:** June 09, 2005, 10:43:50 AM »

SCG (Single Crazy Gnome) seeks FTS (Female Test Subject), must enjoy being poked and prodded with all sorts of wierd devices and drinking potions for unexplained reasons. Short hair is a plus, as is a high constitution score and not minding sitting in a cage for prolonged periods of time. I have room for two, bring a friend. - Wit Gignal, SCG.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #22 on:** December 17, 2005, 02:28:01 PM »

SHM (Single Heroic Male) looking for cause and a SDF (Single Dedicated Female) attached to said cause. Charismatic, good looking, and has serious combat skills. Willing to oppose any evil cause. Call me and we will have coffee.

The_Warlock · « **Reply #23 on:** March 02, 2006, 05:02:32 PM »

SDL (Single Deformed Lich) looking for a SHF (Single Human Female) that doens't mind boiling water, sitting in it, letting me cut off body parts, fetid smells, fungus, puss dripping, or parts of my skull showing through missing skin in the facial area. Experienced screamers and applicants with a long history of being violently possessed a huge plus...send me a finger...or two...if interested.

Druid_Wiking · « **Reply #24 on:** March 13, 2006, 03:31:25 PM »

edsnipapc(extradimesional supernatural immortal polygamist avatar of pure chaos) seeks mlphf (multi limbed psychotic human female) to add to herd.
must be willing to be killed and then ressurected in the name of convenience of use and kludged immortality as concubine.