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Ziraniths charge.

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[Edited by Strolen: Added paragraphs. Elfkin, split up these long ones to make them easier to read]

Ziranith sat mounted on the ridge, the air was crisply cool, he could see his breath, any moment now the the sun would rise, Ziranth loved the sunrise, the golden orb slowly lifted, gracing this cold earth with the heavenly warmth.

Then Ziranith found the irony of it all, his favourite part of the day was soon to be his tool for a massacre.  He turned his elven steed so that he could view his camp, Five thousand elves made up his host of elven cavaliers, one half on the unimithian cavalry, he needed this force with him today, today was the last day, he was to meet with Prince Ranfral and the knights of Halero, an equally numbered and powerfull force, and attack the black castle of Vlame, to meet vlames legions.  They would charge their mounts into glorious battle, though their force was dwarfed by the Undengrolk army.  

The elves were waking, it was nearly time, Ziranith knew.  He took one last look at the sunrise that was now apparent, could this be his last? he thought, He thought of his lover Valasinel, waiting for him in Ellivanor, upon his return they were to be wed.  Ziranith smiled at the thought, his days of fighting would end, he would live a long and love filled life with Valasinel, should he survive.  He thought of the last thing he said to her before he left.  "I leave my heart here with you, I shall return for it." He had said.  "If not, look to the sunrise, for i will make it one you have never seen, my spirit will grace it."  

He shook away the thought of death, he was no longer the tender hearted, loving kind Ziranith of Uni-mith, he was now the brave, supreme cavalier leader of  whom vorgul feared and the elves, men and dwarves respected.  Dwarves, he scoffed at the thought, here like in middle-earth, (home of their kin to the west) the dwarves hid away in the mountains, avoided participation in this war, could they not see? should the elves and men lose this battle, they would easily sucumb to the dark menace.  

It was time Ziranith knew.  He trotted his horse into the camp, all the elves were up, as they were trained to be, tending their horses and putting on their armor, as he entered the camp, the elves hurried, his horse had taken its ninth step in to the camp, all the elves were mounted, armored armed and ready for his orders.  

"Today."  He yelled, beginning his pep speech.  "We make history, we create glory.  Yet glory is not the reason we give our lives today, we fight for our families, our children and wives, our comrades and this fair earth.  Think of them, waiting for you.  I bring each of you home to them, none will be truly lost, those who will die,  do not be troubled, you will find peace beside Quehach in heaven.  Though, let us not dwell on fear and death!! Let us raise the banners of Uni-mith and Conqaz upon Vlames fortress, let us turn his wretched death whole into a pure livng habitat only to snipe his spirit after we extinguish his wretched life.  I will not see the white fountain of Uni-mith, become an Iron statue of Vlame, dripping blood instead of water, I will not see my love become a servant to Vlames twisted pleasures!!"

His voice quivering, creating rage from his most recent words.  "We will turn the hell of Vlame away.  Now we will do so.  Follow me to your destiny.  For the grace in us all." his last word was answered by a roar from his troops, that was call to arms. He turned his steed and headed dead east, towards a gathering black cloud, his army followed closely behind.  His heart pounding, he was afraid, like they should be.  Though Ziranith did not fear death, but what would come of his death, what would happen should he fail, then he replaced that fear with adrenaline, let them fear his wrath.


Two hours had passed, they were on the outskirts of undengrolk.  Ziranith looked to the south, to the sea, he saw them coming, nearly fifty boats, carrying men.  Ziranith smiled his approval of their numbers, yet they still seemed a small force compared to what was to come.  

As they landed, Ziranith wanted to go salut the mighty new king, Ranfral, who had claimed lordship over Conqaz at the death of his father.  Yet Ziranith knew that they must do their work alone, they were men, their allies.  
Then he saw them, a black wave came down the mountain ridges that serounded Undengrolk, the force was massive!! it streched fron ziranith to the human landing point, nearly four miles!!  The reached the earth and were coming, it would be a matterof moments now.   Ziranith could see that the humans had already engaged the enemy.  Now it was his turn.  

"HEVILIAS QUENCO SWEA!!!!" shouted Ziranith, raising Ouvulailio into thr air,  the war cry, ride to destiny.  th resounding  cries from his wariiors shook the mountain side.  He spurred his horse into a gallop, his army, lowered their lances and followed closely.  They charged into the very bowells of hell, the horror that awaited them, ziranith charged, this was his charge.  To destiny, death life, all became one.  Ziranith charged on, to meet his fate and the fate of Hamset, wich was to be decided now.


Tell me what you guys think.

Interesting story and a good start. Once I read it though I find myself asking why? You tell of the battle and of the prefight, which is fine, but without background it doesn't really give anything to work with.

We are just waiting it to be finished and explained, so please continue the story and explain why it is all happening.

Alright, I will start from scratch.  Two thousand years ago, the golden age, turned to the dark age, Vlame came to power in Undengrolk, he had united the bickering orc, ogre and troll clans under himiself in a common goal, to create chaos amongst the free peoples, Vlame was insane, he wanted death to all, there was no purpose behind his campaign, only to suffice his bloodlust.  So, in gaining the service of the orcs, ogres and the other dark creatures, he lauched his campagne of doom.  There was no treaties, no peace making, no way to try to change his will, not even an explanation for his attack, his minions could not be turned, for as you know, orcs are bloodthirst brutes who, care not for the aftermath of their actions.  All that mattered to them was they would destroy the inhabitants of Hamset through Vlame.  Though, the good folk of Hamset did not  sit idle and await there doom, they formed an alliance, men elves and dwarves, joined together against Vlames attack.  The war was fierce, T'ill the goodly force pushed back the enemy to the mountainridge of Undengrolk, thats where Vlame himself made an appearance, wielding the staff of Dragoonias.  He  called forth hundreds of Dragons and griffins to engage the goodly army. All seemed lost t'ill the wizard Leviadan came, he wielded Dragoonias' nemesis, the staff of Leviadan, though, he had not enough energie to summon enough power to exterminate Vlames army, thats when the elf and human kings came to the rescue, Winilith for the elves, and Halero for the men, the dwaven king had already fallen, through Leviadans magic, they channeled their energie into the staff, then, the staff quivering qwith power, unleashed a blast so power full, all were blinded.  Vlame stood alone, his army had been obliterated, he fled into undengrolk, where he was protected by dark forces, stronger than leviadan.  The mage left, returned to his lonely Isle, noone knows where the isle lies, it is said he still dwells there.  When the good kings asked if ever they should need him, and where he should be found, he answered in a riddle:
                                      If thy heart be as pure as gold,
                                         wanting truth not lies be told,
                                           the look ti the north,
                                             walk many a mile,
                                              Lo there lies my enchanted isle.

Two thousand years later, Vlame is reforming his army, A hero is called to find this isle and retrieve the staff of Leviadan for it will be needed before the end.........

Don't have to start from scratch scratch, but you have to lead us into something as epic as what you started with. With no history to draw us in we are not involved enough with it.

Not everything has to be on such a grand scale either. I can honestly say I have only played one game where we had a huge scale battle, and that was on dragons as avatars of a god and we bypassed the battle allowing others to fight while we followed another course to do something in the fortress.

Epic battles are good for history and for reading about and such, but not so good for actually roleplaying....from my opinion anyway.

So you should present something like this as a story, and as a story give us everything we need to get involved with it.

Vlame. Oh, Vlame.

Well, let me tell you what I think of Vlame.
He's terrible. Terrible.
The reason is that he is what is often called a "one-sided villain".
You probably know what I mean, but in case you don't I will explain it.

--- Quote ---he had united the bickering orc, ogre and troll clans under himiself in a common goal, to create chaos amongst the free peoples, Vlame was insane, he wanted death to all, there was no purpose behind his campaign, only to suffice his bloodlust
--- End quote ---

Okay. Vlame united the orcs, ogres, and trolls. Why? To create chaos. Why would you want to create chaos? Well, elfkin, unfortunately, you fell back on a classic fantasy fallacy: "He's insane". Wow. That's original. So original, I think I've seen thousands of times before! It's so original that everybody uses it! "He wanted death to all". Why? He has no reason, except, uh-oh, "He's insane".

Let's go on, though. Why is he insane? In the Real Life, people don't just go crazy for no reason. There are personal problems that lie behind all psychosises (sp?). Why does he want to bring death to all and have bloodlust?
Some thoughts on why Vlame may really be carrying out his campaign:

-Thanophilia. Perhaps he learned in his childhood that death is like a "long sleep". He sees that there is so much turmoil in the world, and so much hatred and bad feeling, that he wants to give everybody peace by giving them the "long sleep" of death.

-Racism. Perhaps he believes that the orcs, trolls, and ogres are "superior" in some way to other peoples. He gathers his force together to do a Hitleresque Holocaust on all other races.

-When an elf looks at an orc, they see a monster. When an orc looks in the mirror, they see a normal, good orc. Vlame is probably a hero to these orcs, trolls, and ogres. They see him as a messiah, who will lead them out of centuries of oppresion, bring them prosperity and peace. Vlame may be warty, green, and horrible, but to an orc, that's normal.

Do you understand why Vlame is a one-sided villain?
Oh, and by the way, don't be offended by my critique. After all, if it hurts your feelings or something, you have only yourself to blame. You wanted us to tell you what we thought.


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