Well, I think Dossta offers up some good advice in your submission. There is nothing wrong with your character write-up. Its lean, yet covers the basics. You also answer your own question with this--
I understand that you would like to see a fully described character and not just a handful of statistics with a bit of additional, puzzling, text thrown in at will.
We tend to enjoy the full write-ups, as opposed to "character sheets", but there are bare-bone style character posts here as well aplenty. So i guess what I'm saying is, write up submissions however you like, but for meatier comments/votes, we like the story behind the framework.
Hope that helps a little, if it didn't, it wouldn't be the first time i didn't help someone, while trying to help