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The Quest to Eliminate Pumpkin Scat

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MysticMoon:
I make this journal to log my journey on The Quest To Eliminate Pumpkin Scat (from my lawn.)


--- Quote ---Conversations from chat explaining my quest:
Dozus: Suzod turns into a pumpkin after midnight, so chatting beyond then is impossible/filled with pumpkin talk.
Strolen: Pumpkin scat?
Dozus: So much of it. Just so much.
MysticMoon: Any tips on keeping pumpkins out of the yard? My neighbor's pumpkin keeps leaving scat on mine while I'm at work. Stringy seeds all over the place. It's disgusting.
Dozus: On the midnight of a new moon, put a chicken in a burlap sack and strangle it. Bury the sack for three days. After the third day, dig up the sack. When you next see your neighbor, beat him with the sack and tell him to keep his d**n pumpkins in his own d**n yard.
MysticMoon: Choke the chicken on the 13th, beat neighbor to death on the 16th. Got it.
valadaar: lol
Murometz: you can speak things up by doing those in reverse
Murometz: speed things up
Chaosmark: And the bonus is, if you do it in reverse, you don't even have to dig up the chicken.
MysticMoon: Wait, I'm confused. How do I dig up the chicken before it's been buried?
Murometz: with Zen
Dozus: Find the tomb of Xbalanque, the legendary hero god of the Maya. Fashion a spade from his glorious skull.
Dozus: I'm also told a shovel will work.
MysticMoon: Just to be sure, I'll go for the skull of Xbalanque. I have a flight scheduled for Saturday morning and a map some guy off the internet sold me.
MysticMoon: If I get it and get back by late Monday, I can dig up the chicken, kill the neighbor and then bury it three days later on the new moon.
Chaosmark: Just remember, the tomb is non-Euclidean. It'll take you three circles around the central pillar before you find the true door to the inner sanctum.
MysticMoon: Hmm, I'd better print up those non-Euclidean subs to take with me. I can study them in more detail on the flight.
Murometz: and if you round enough corners, you'll meet yourself
Murometz: welcome aboard, Friendly Airlines, fight 666 to Xbalanque's Tomb. Please turn off your cell phones and laptops and keep any non-eucllidean reading material in an upright position, as the captain starts his chant.
MysticMoon: Meet myself?! I'd never survive!
MysticMoon: Can't stand that guy
MysticMoon: Wait, did those subs print up on non-euclidean paper? Dammit, how am I supposed to read it now?
Dozus: You need 5-dimensional toner.
MysticMoon: I think they sell some of that in that strange shop at the end of that alley in the bad part of town. I try to stay away from there because of all that strange chanting they do. Something like "Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn."
Wulfhere: 5-dimensional toner? My Office Supply place can't keep the stuff I already need instock!
MysticMoon: I just hope I can find some before my flight
Dozus: Office Depot sells a knock-off that's 4-dimensional.
MysticMoon: Think it'll work?
Dozus: Dunno. How do you feel about endless wailing madness?
MysticMoon: Pretty comfortable with it, actually
Dozus: I think you'll be good, then.
MysticMoon: Excellent

--- End quote ---

I shall document my journey as I am able.

Dozus:
May fortune smile upon your journeys! Be sure to heed the dire warnings of the ghost jaguar when you arrive, and do not pay the extra five bucks for those headphones that only work on the plane!

MysticMoon:
I went looking for 5 (or at least 4) dimensional toner at the local Office Depot on my way home from work. It wasn't clearly visible and after wandering the store a bit, I finally asked one of the kids at the desk for directions. He was reticent at first until I mentioned Suzod's name and then he quickly showed me to a back corner I had somehow missed (I thought at first he had forgotten where it was because he walked in a curiously circuitous route a few times.)

They don't carry the 5-dimensional brand but they did have 4-dimensional toner. He said I could get the 4+ Premium for only $20 extra and that the screaming would subside quicker than with the regular 4.

Having made my purchase I left the store and went home. I don't recall what I ate for dinner as I was terribly excited to see if the new toner would work better than the last. I printed up parts 1 & 2 of the non-Euclidean geometry subs.

I don't remember reading them. Apparently I screamed and ranted about tentacles and how "it's so dark and cold" for about an hour (I usually only do that for a half-hour after a  typical workday, so I didn't mind so much.)

Toner and documents, check!

Almost forgot to mention: my neighbor got another pumpkin today and laughed when he saw me cursing at the mess on the lawn. He won't be laughing in another week!

MysticMoon:

--- Quote from: Dozus on December 05, 2012, 07:53:15 PM ---May fortune smile upon your journeys! Be sure to heed the dire warnings of the ghost jaguar when you arrive, and do not pay the extra five bucks for those headphones that only work on the plane!

--- End quote ---

Thank you for the jaguar warning. I've never poked through Mayan ruins before so I'm more than a little nervous!

Dossta:
Don't worry about it, MM -- it's not as hard as a lot of the so-called "industry experts" would have you believe.  Once you've desecrated one ancient site of power, it actually becomes pretty routine.   If you're still worried about it, I would recommend A Field Guide to Desecrating Ancient Mayan Ruins: 101 Rules, Guidelines, and Best Practices.  If I recall correctly (the blackouts make it kinda difficult), it has a special section dedicated to common pitfalls with non-Euclidean geometry, as well.  Can't remember the author's name off the top of my head, but I'm pretty sure you can find it in the "special" section of Amazon.

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