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Readers and Writers First: Quest 1, Cheka man's novel

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Cheka Man:
If three or more of you vote to Challange shall it be. I won't try and influence anyone either way in the matter.

Cheka Man:
Ok...I've been asked to say stuff.

Reasons for removing it-what Dossta said.
Reasons against removing it...I put a lot of time into making it, it certainly has good individual parts within it, and noone complained about my only other sub of that type, "The Mad Queen and her Daughter" which is indeed my only 5/5 submission so far on

(Will add more later when real life lets me.)

Please let it be known that I am not just trying to be a dick to Cheka.  I think that his work is valuable, and I am glad that he is an author on this site.  I have left my full argument on the submission itself, found here: Replacing A Traitor.  More people should read it and judge for themselves.

Cheka, this is not a bad story.  I just question whether or not it belongs on this site.  Thank you for being so mature in your responses my concerns, and I apologize for both my bluntness and for hijacking axle's thread.  I will gladly remove my comments at either author's request -- both from this thread, and from the submission itself if necessary.

i am glad you posted on this thread, that is why I am threading that a thing...threading on the internet...oh well....

I am doing this thread in part to encourage more specific discussion of content and I think you may be right after all.

Chapter 6:

Summary:  Delilah and the Queen are served a feast, yet despite the Queen's attempts to lash attention and affection on Delilah she is still suffering from the immense physical and emotional trauma she has suffered in the past day (maybe it is two days now).  The details of the food are lacking save that the meal seems to be very northern european in it is conception.  Although the meal appears to lack any bread.  I bring up the lack of information about the food because much the story thus far seems to be about the details of day to day to life in this setting.  During the dinner the Queen outlines the planets and the make up of the solar system and Delilah's inner dialog outlines her suffering and desires, but she seems to be at a loss as to how to cope with this situation.  At this point Delilah is an unimaginative blank, before being kidnapped she was a hopeful blank-a girl about to happen.  Delilah's inner dialog reviews the central conflict and the playing pieces.  We are reminded of the hidden picture of Corday, the Queens failure to remember what Corday looked and so on.  Delilah is also begining, she liked the kiss, to have mixed feelings about the Queen's affection.

Delilah and the Queen retire to separate rooms. Delilah takes a bath, there is a lot of preoccupation with her  wounds, then she starts reading Sarah's journal.  Sarah's journal at least denotes a love for the queen, but it mentions her secrets.   Then the next morning the Queen and Delilah reveiw the journal together, which graphicly describes the Queen's and Sarah's sexual encounters, all the while Delilah gets dressed in some precisely described underwear and then gets dressed in some sort of 19th century style inspired halloween costume for naught girls (not literally a halloween costume, but is an absurd outfit).       The Queen then conforms that she knows the difference between Delilah and Sarah, but Delilah is going to have to play the role anyway.  Finally they go to a meeting of the Queen's privy council, a lot of men and we are told how the rioters were executed.

In story Thoughts:  Delilah is coming around to the Queen's way of thinking.  Perhaps Delilah was really a poorly developed personality and maybe at her heart a lesbian.  I wonder if the Queen hadn't used violence if still would have been able to seduce Delilah away from Corday.  You also have to wonder if Sarah was really betraying the queen or if the queen is just paranoid.  This contridiction of love and devotion in the journal and the Queen's view of Sarah actions cause you to either doubt the authenticity of Sarah's journal or the accuracy of the Queen's perception of Sarah. 

Out of story thoughts:  This is not going well.  The story seems to be primarly focused on sex and outfits.  In this chapter we have another pointless costume change and a graphic description of sex.  Also I am not longer sure where this is set.  It appears to be some place that has beach balls and Scottish music but the description of the planets do not fit our planets.  There is a lot of pointless stuff in this chapters, we don't need to know the planets do we, Delilah's outfit doesn't need to be described in details particularly since the queen's outfit was not described.  If you are setting a scene, than you failed to set it. The prose is getting repetitive and it is getting harder and harder to relate to the characters. Take away the sexual relationship and would be these characters you would want to write about other wise cheka?


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