The Cult of the Penguin

[Ancient Gamer]

All ye who post in this thread acknowledge that nefarious power, that dread arch-penguin that walked this citadel in ancient times as yer unhoooly goood!

All bow before the Penguin!

The CaptainPenguin!

*Waddles around, face down in the mud, like a reverent penguin*

[EchoMirage]

  The dreaded Captain-Penguin, scourge of the Seven Boards? Yes, he was nefarious indeed.

All who call me edgy and confronting would fall before the fffuuury that was the Penguin-Captain. Ha, the youngsters know not the meaning of true critique and uncompromising inspection if they ne'er were under his Pingu-eyed scrutiny.

Merciless is the penguin.
Dark as Stygian night in his dreaming.
His beak cuts deep, to the very center of pride.

Do not fall to complacence, for you'd weep bloody tears if he were unexpectedly to return.

[Scrasamax]

I am preparing a mighty sacrifice, untouched virgins with hair like cornsilk, submissions with poor punctuation, grammar, and poor core ideas, and a dump truck load of herring

[Michael Jotne Slayer]

"Nor is it to be thought ... that Penguin is either the oldest or the last of earth's masters, or than the common bulk of life and substance walks alone. The Penguin were, the Penguin are, and the Penguin shall be. Not in the spaces we know, but between them, he walketh serene and primal, undimensioned and to us unseen. Captain Penguin knows the gate. Captain penguin is the gate. Captain Penguin is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Captain Penguin. He knows where the penguin broke through of old, and when they shall break through again..."

[Dossta]

"Nor is it to be thought ... that Penguin is either the oldest or the last of earth's masters, or than the common bulk of life and substance walks alone. The Penguin were, the Penguin are, and the Penguin shall be. Not in the spaces we know, but between them, he walketh serene and primal, undimensioned and to us unseen. Captain Penguin knows the gate. Captain penguin is the gate. Captain Penguin is the key and guardian of the gate. Past, present, future, all are one in Captain Penguin. He knows where the penguin broke through of old, and when they shall break through again..."

(Off topic, but you should totally add this to the 30 Prophecies sub. )

[Ancient Gamer]

You've done it now, Dossta. You've inadvertently become a Penguin Cultist by accidentally posting in this thread. Quick, I suggest you sacrifice something to the Curved Beak, before he devoures thy very soul!

[MysticMoon]

What dark rituals must we perform? What craven astrologers and whisperers with dark forces must we consort with? How do those of us who have only heard rumors of this Great Captain come to understand the mysteries of the Penguin?

[Ancient Gamer]

It is something that I alone cannot tell you, for it takes at least three times three Strolenites to teach that unholy knowledge to you.

What I can do is but to tell you the first part:

To Invoke the Glorious Attention of the Dark Penguin you must renounce all ties to whatever roleplaying preferences you had before, and acknowledge that Sword & Sorcery is the finest roleplaying genre of them all.

Only by acknowledging that have you gained enough penguin karma to be taught the second principle of the Penguin!

[Pariah]

Ia Ia CP fhtagn; Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh CP Inte'rneth wgah'nagl fhtagn.

[Scrasamax]

Ia Ia CP fhtagn; Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh CP Inte'rneth wgah'nagl fhtagn.

That sounded terrible, do you need a tissue?

[EchoMirage]

Ia Ia CP fhtagn; Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh CP Inte'rneth wgah'nagl fhtagn.

That sounded terrible, do you need a tissue?

Do Penguins use tissues?

No they don't! Tissues are heresy!

[Ancient Gamer]

*Bows humbly in servitude to the Curved Beak of Idaho*

[ScorpionJinx]

Ia Ia CP fhtagn; Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh CP Inte'rneth wgah'nagl fhtagn.

Something about "In his internet dead CP waits dreaming"
That first part was a bit garbled.

That cult would never die till the stars came right again, and the secret priests would take great Captain Penguin from His tomb to revive His subjects and resume His rule of The Citadel. The time would be easy to know, for then mankind would have become as the Great Old Ones; free and wild and beyond good and evil, with laws and morals thrown aside and all men shouting and killing and revelling in joy. Then the liberated Old Ones would teach them new ways to shout and kill and revel and enjoy themselves, and all the earth would flame with a holocaust of ecstasy and freedom. Meanwhile the cult, by appropriate rites, must keep alive the memory of those ancient ways and shadow forth the prophecy of their return.

So say the Penguinati.