The Dark Ranger
Drizzzt, Hizzzt, Sfizzzt,
Boil and bubble, add some newt and an elven boot
I need a new Dark Ranger!
Twin scimitars be’gone. This one will wield a tracking gun
I need a new Dark Ranger!
No tigers, no panthers, no deadly pets. This one will hate animals, children, and vets
I need a new Dark Ranger!
No pointy ears this one will sport. No ears at all, is my retort!
I need a new Dark Ranger!
He’ll hate the woods, he’ll love the smog, he won’t heal cubs, he’ll slaughter hogs.
I need a new Dark Ranger!
He won’t join your party, he won’t track the villain, he’ll sit in his cave just plottin’ and chillin’
I need a new Dark Ranger!
Above all else, he’ll avoid clichés, and revel in his evil ways.
I need a new Dark Ranger!