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Author Topic: 30 Dwarven gifts  (Read 1911 times)

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Offline Pariah

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30 Dwarven gifts
« on: October 08, 2010, 02:43:38 PM »
That just leaves dwarves I guess.  :)

Yeah, me and AG were chatting about this one so here goes:
1) 100 bottles of beer
2) Extra heavy stone pillar
3) Jewel Encrusted Goblin Skull Drinking Mug (w/ relatives that want it back "Ghdklafdi won't go to goblin heaven if he isn't buried in one piece")
4) Masterwork Sword of Pointiness

More to come...
They were immediately and absolutely recognizable as adventurers... They were hardy and dangerous, lawless, stripped of allegiance or morality, living off their wits, stealing and killing, hiring themselves out to whoever and whatever came. They were inspired by dubious virtues.  China Mieville - Perdido Street Station

Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #1 on: October 08, 2010, 02:55:52 PM »
Quote
1) 100 bottles of beer

If one of those bottles should happen to fall?  :P
« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 02:57:32 PM by Murometz »
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Offline Pariah

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #2 on: October 08, 2010, 03:06:08 PM »
But good sir, they weren't on the wall...
They were immediately and absolutely recognizable as adventurers... They were hardy and dangerous, lawless, stripped of allegiance or morality, living off their wits, stealing and killing, hiring themselves out to whoever and whatever came. They were inspired by dubious virtues.  China Mieville - Perdido Street Station

Offline Chaosmark

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #3 on: October 08, 2010, 03:24:35 PM »
"99 bottles of beer in the cave, 99 bottles of beer, take one out, maybe a stout, 98 bottles of ale in the cave..."
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Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #4 on: October 08, 2010, 03:38:30 PM »
98 bottles of beer as I roam, 98 bottles of beer, shake one up, open 'er up, 97 bottles of beer and some foam
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Offline Pieh

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #5 on: October 08, 2010, 05:24:11 PM »
97 bottles of beer, o'er here lass, 97 bottles of beer, pour me a glass, I'll pinch yer ass, 96 bottles o' beer and a slap 'cause I'm crass.

But Seriously, I have a number of submissions that make excellent dwarven gifts.

http://strolen.com/viewing/Dugfars_Dangerous_Dwarven_Drilling_Dirigible

Anything from here: http://strolen.com/viewing/BARFIGHT

http://strolen.com/viewing/Cloak_of_Pebbles

http://strolen.com/viewing/Golem_Grip_Stone_Gloves

Just a few off the top of my head.
« Last Edit: October 08, 2010, 05:30:20 PM by Pieh »
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Offline Cheka Man

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #6 on: October 08, 2010, 09:10:00 PM »
5-A Glowstick that won't set underground gas alight
6-A pickaxe
7-A golden chain
8-A metal sheild
9-A drawven tomb for the use of his whole family when they die
10-Something to keep beards clean
11-Dwarf bread

Offline EchoMirage

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #7 on: October 09, 2010, 06:06:30 AM »
Dwarf Battle Bread, you mean :D

12 - A pet rock. Dwarven pet rocks are actually quite smart, can move, can warm your bed and make people you don't like stub their toes on them. They can be thrown and come back, they can guard you while you sleep and wake you up with something lovingly (and flatteringly) called 'rock music' (disharmonic yelling that could wake the dead!).

13 - A Battlegaard and Choppensmacker brand axe of the finest quality. It comes with a service kit, a guarantee, a certificate and an agent of the company will come, perform your last rites and bury the axe with you when you die. Also, it deals 1 point of damage more than any (non-magical) weapon in its class.

14 - A stout woman. Dwarven lasses are the most precious treasure any clan has. To be awarded one as wife is the greatest honor the dwarvs can bestow. Hildegard has breasts that could wean an army, a behind where you could serve a dinner for four, never tires in bed, will make you Dwarven bread sandwiches when you go off adventuring, and forge you a new suit of armor every time you're gone.
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Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #8 on: October 09, 2010, 10:21:38 AM »
15. Stonebeard Clasps
How do dwarves keep their beards and braids from being chopped off in battle by orc glaives and goblin scimitars? Stonebeard Clasps, that’s how.  These uncommonly given items are prized by dwarves and by extension deemed worthy gifts. The clasps magic is simple and effective. Once clasped around a hanging beard, or hair braid, the clasp infuses the hair with the supposed ‘strength of stone’.  Thus bladed weapons glance off harmlessly from the wearer’s beard and locks in the heat of battle.
« Last Edit: October 09, 2010, 11:37:33 AM by Murometz »
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Offline EchoMirage

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #9 on: October 09, 2010, 06:30:29 PM »
16 - A humble home
My home, my castle - as the saying goes. With dwarves, it's literal. After all, a dwarf needs a safe home before he can consider getting himself a nice lass and some wee dwarflings. Thus the value of this gift.
The dwarves build you a solid house that could withstand the apocalypse - or half a dozen of them. Complete with  siege engines on the rampart and in the tower, of course - what good is a house that can only take punishment, and dish out none?

17 - A delver buddy
Actually a miniature metal golem, the delver buddy is indispensable below the earth. He can watch your back while you dig, crawl where you cannot go, measure time without fail, store your gold nuggets for you and watch out for dangerous gasses and tremors. He also passes you tools upon request, and holds one small flask of brandy, one torch and a piece of deep mole jerky in case of emergencies.

18 - The funny tome
Dwarves value good humor, they just differ from other races in the definition of "funny". This pocket-sized booklet holds scores of dwarven jokes, tried and true. For example: "Why aren't you ining for gold today, Hrangwulf?" "Ah, I think I already have enough." is an oldie but goldie.

19 - Boomsticks
Dwarvs like fire and loud entertainment. Fireworks exactly fit the bill. You get handed a huge box with crackers, rockets and flares sufficient for a lifetime of Silvesters, or blowing up a medium-sized city.

20 - A reliable ride
You get a faithful mountain pony. They can subsist on a handful of oats, resist temperatures near absolute zero, can drink more vodka than you, and handle any terrain, whether tunnel, decris or near-vertical slopes. Also, when faced with greenskins, they're of more use than an average human militia.

21 - The Ring of Friendship
A subtle steel band with dwarvish writing, the ring bears a subtle enchantment. Any dwarf will know what you did for its creator. Even dwarves born away from their home holds, in the lands of man, will recognize and honor the ring.
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Offline EchoMirage

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #10 on: October 09, 2010, 06:33:24 PM »
22 - Pimp my Ride!
Do you have a ship? A wagon? A submarine? A dragon? The dwarves will add cannons, armor, brass adornments and lots of spikes.
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Offline Ancient Gamer

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #11 on: October 09, 2010, 08:01:04 PM »
23. A mighty dwarven estate
Thankful for the PCs help, the dwarves bestow upon them the highest honor they could think of, a mighty estate in their home province. Unfortunately, the underground province was overrun by orcs and their kin some four centuries ago, but as soon as it is back in their hands, the PCs will get their rightful reward! The dwarves ceremonially enter the PC names into a huge, leather and iron bound ledger, gulfing down a goblet of beer when done.

The dwarves will hint nicely that they could use some help reclaiming their province.
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Offline Dossta

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #12 on: October 13, 2010, 12:19:46 PM »
24.  A well-used drinking horn.  This drinking horn is lined with silver and inscribed with runes proclaiming its lineage and blessing the health of the bearer.  When filled with water, the horn cleanses it and suffuses it with the taste of a clear, mountain stream.  When filled with alcohol, the liquor is infused with the constitution of the dwarves, fortifying the imbiber and strengthening their arm.  This horn has been passed from father to son for generations of dwarves, and receiving it is a deep mark of respect.  The dwarf considers you to be as good as adopted kin.

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Offline Cheka Man

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #13 on: October 13, 2010, 04:50:13 PM »
25) A [Hair Beast]
« Last Edit: October 13, 2010, 08:19:09 PM by Strolen »

Offline EchoMirage

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #14 on: October 20, 2010, 03:58:19 PM »
26 - An evening of culture
You get invited to a dwarven opera, a cultural happening of utmost significance. The thing takes several hours, features lots of busty dwarven women in shining plate and men in heraldry-encrusted armor, an ornate plot and music that is a cross between Wagner's Ring der Nibelungen, Hans Zimmer and power metal.

27 - Pie
Exactly that. A dwarven steynkrust-schmaus pie holds mountain goat cheese, assorted meat from the finest moles and rats, and the most fragrant mushrooms their subterranean realms can offer, all baked in a crispy crust.
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Offline EchoMirage

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #15 on: October 20, 2010, 04:03:38 PM »
28 - A body of iron! (1)
In three months, the dwarven Iron Man competition takes place, and this old dwarf you aided will run you through his training regime so that you're fit enough to compete. Compete, not win, as no surfacer could ever match the toughness of the dwarfiest dwarves.

29 - A body of iron! (2)
Your PC was grievously injured, but the dwarves can fix him, they've got the technology! Enjoy your new golem arm or enchanted eye; and if they cannot help you, they can still build an armored steam-driven wheelchair with 120mm cannons and a martini dispenser.
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Offline EchoMirage

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #16 on: October 20, 2010, 04:05:36 PM »
Dudes, flesh out some of the gifts so we can push this live....
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Offline axlerowes

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #17 on: October 20, 2010, 04:17:51 PM »
30- A Clan Name:

You and all your heirs shall be listed in the dwarven chronicle from now until ragnarok (2012, we run out of ink...a long time).  The name shall be a combination of the elements you mastered or endured and the means in which you mastered them.  For example clan Goldenseal is credited with inventing the gold coin.  Clan Oxpull relieved the siege of at Formidable Pass by taking wagons of supplies over the peak. You shall be known as (____________)

"Drink up my long legged friends, may your daughter's beards be full and your sons bent by their labor.  For you now enjoy all the right of dwarven nobility."
« Last Edit: October 20, 2010, 04:25:21 PM by axlerowes »

Offline EchoMirage

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Re: 30 Dwarven gifts
« Reply #18 on: October 20, 2010, 04:19:51 PM »
31 - A job
In his enterprise, a dwarven industrialist offers you the same position his very own children started in. Which means at the very bottom. While it may seem meager, one has to consider that young dwarves line up in queues hundreds long whenever he has an open spot. Really, all he does is offer a chance to learn a craft along with the very best.

32 - Ride the thunder
You get a lifetime pass for dwarven ironclad, railroad and steam carriage transport.

33 - Relaxation
What is better than an evening at the spa, with sauna, scented candles, warm stones, thermal springs and Gudrun, who can massage so well with those stocky hands of hers? Aaaah, that's the spot!

34 - Excitement!
As honorary guests, you may take part in dwarven sports and win awesome prizes! Of course, dwarven sports are usually full contact, such as "Carry-the-pigskin-to-the-hole" and "battle royale" where dwarves beat each other senseless with stuffed leather bats.
"Captain, the buttocks are moving from the pink into the red and purple spectrum! We cannot maintain this rate of spanking any longer!"

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