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Author Topic: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)  (Read 1989 times)

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Offline Murometz

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30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« on: October 05, 2010, 04:50:02 PM »
Pieh's Baby.

Lets do 30! Strike while the iron is hot!

1. Bowl of Ticks. One must understand the orcish culture to comprehend this “gift”. Orcs are riddled with ticks, it is a way of life for the unclean, but they feel quite differently about the parasites than we do. Orcs will often give out these stone bowls, filled with a hundred or more of the tiny blood-suckers, as house-warming gifts or birthday presents among their own kind. The orcs believe that ticks suck out all the “bad-blood” from the flesh, “purifying” the host, so to speak.

As all know, once a tick has had its fill of blood, the bloated critters simply detach and fall from the host, lazily digesting. The peculiar magic of the orcish tick bowl however, somehow urges all of the ticks to return to the bowl after feedings. In essence one can travel around with a bowl of ticks, and never lose the suckers.

2. Bitumen Mine Map

The orcs gift the PCs a crude, orcish map showing the location of a naturally occurring, long-abandoned bitumen mine deposit, somewhere in the Klawbash Mountains. For Bitumen properties and uses, see Wikipedia. The orcs may or may not forget to mention, that the mine was abandoned for a very specific reason, a sudden infestation of cantankerous dwarves.

3. Sword-Breaker

This old broadsword, fashioned in the orcish style with a wide blade, serrated edges and countless knicks, is a formidable weapon. A great service indeed would have had to be rendered on their behalf, for the orcs to gift such a sword to PCs. The weapon has no magical attack or defense bonuses or abilities of any kind, except one. Any non-magical sword this weapon strikes, shatters upon contact with Sword-Breaker. Magical swords are thankfully unaffected.

4. The Talking Toad.

A mundane appearing creature, the size of a man’s fist, this warty, grayish toad can utter/croak several words and phrases in the Orcish tongue!  How the bloody hell this toad acquired these capabilities is unknown, and the orcs aren’t talking. Suffice it to say, the PCs now own a toad, that can say the following, and the following only, in the orcish tongue:

Nresh-shart’graak-ulv—A painful death to you elf.
Gla’Brugdugyesh—I am hungrier than an ettin.
Hu’lish, Raz’Bash’Avooo?—You smell good. May I taste?
Hu-Treg! Gla’hasdummat—Quiet you! I am defecating.



« Last Edit: October 05, 2010, 04:58:53 PM by Murometz »
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Offline Pieh

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2010, 05:35:12 PM »
Here it is, we are up to 7: Let me know if you want in.

http://strolen.com/viewing/30_Orcish_Gifts_For_Services_Rendered
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Offline Michael Jotne Slayer

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2010, 07:09:01 PM »
Count me in! I think it is important to join as many community efforts I can! :up: Good idea Pieh!

The Cleaver

A great orc cleaver of black steel. The cleaver resembles an oversized square-bladed hatchet meant for cutting and chrushing bones. It has an especially tough edge meant to withstand repeated blows against meat, bone and even metal. This is accomplished by using soft steel and a really thick blade. Orc carry these cleavers into battle smashing whatever is infront of them. The craftmanship is crude and simplistic. It is unfortunately way to big and clumsy for a normal sized human to use.

Stolen Cattle
Orcs love to eat meat and hate to hunt. Stealing stupid cattle from pink weaklings is much easier than running around in the woods hunting game. Stolen cattle is a great gift indeed and orcs regard it as a walking feast. If the PCs try to explain that they can not accept the herd of cattle because they will be too much trouble to travel with, and that they can not eat them all, the orcs will laugh their guts out and help the puny humans getting rid of a few before they depart. Should the PCs mention that they can not accept stolen cattle because it is wrong the orcs will first stare disbelieving at the PCs and then start laughing even more.

The Slave

Orcs can be lazy. Having a slave is a sign of great status. Slaves are often mistreated badly and are the bottom filth of orc hierarchy. If a slave is given as a gift it is a great honour, especially if the orc tribe is not too wealthy. The first thing the PCs are expected to do when they receive this great gift is to abuse and beat the slave so it will understand who its new masters are.
« Last Edit: October 05, 2010, 07:17:39 PM by Michael Jotne Slayer »
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Offline Pieh

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2010, 07:14:02 PM »
Added you MJS. I gotta get to a game soon, so keep adding to the list. I'll add more myself when I get home.
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Offline Michael Jotne Slayer

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2010, 07:15:42 PM »
Copy that, I will try to think of some more!
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A skeleton walks into a bar and ask the Bartender: “Do you serve skeletons here?”

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Offline Michael Jotne Slayer

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2010, 08:22:20 PM »
Humaluma
A great orc totem staff dangling with bone fetishes, raven feathers, boar teeth, bat wings and much more. The Humaluma is one of the rarest and greatest honours a orcish clan can bestow upon outsiders. The Humaluma basicly says that that those carrying it are protected and can not be harmed. The tradition of the Humaluma is an ancient one in orcish standards and most clans respect it. There are clans that will go so far as to protect whoever carry a Humaluma, even against other orcs. But there are always some that ignore traditions.

The Hill of Many Heads
This is where the orcs bring back the heads of enemies after raids or battles. They throw them on the hill, hang them from the limbs of the trees, or from wooden spikes placed along the sides of the hill. This is a very holy place, and the PCs can pick a head as a good luck charm for their next battle. The orcs believe that the clans success will then rub of on the PCs.

Tattoo
Orcs use blood to paint symbols on their bodies before entering combat. They believe that this gives them strenght, courage and other attributes depending on the symbols. This task is performed by the Shaman. The painted magical symbols are fairly simple shapes, with clear, bold lines and slightly jagged, rough edges. The more powerful shapes are more complex than the basic ones, which can be applied quickly. Some orcs that are destined for greatness or has accomplished a major feat are given permanent paint, namely tattoos. What will the PCs say when this gift presented to them?

Authentic Strolenite™©®

A skeleton walks into a bar and ask the Bartender: “Do you serve skeletons here?”

Times being what they are the wily Bartender replies: “sure, we serve anyone.”

The skeleton hands the man a silver and says: “Fine, I’ll have a pitcher of beer…and a mop”

Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2010, 08:24:41 PM »
go, Mike, go!! Will join you as soon as kids pass out
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Offline Michael Jotne Slayer

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2010, 08:57:30 PM »
Strenght Potion

The Strenght Potion of the orcs has two main uses. They smear the foul liquid on wounds and drink it to boost their stamina. Wounds healed this way however will leave horrible scars. The Strenght Potion also have side effects when drinking it. Vision will go hazy and body control will feel remote. Movements and actions will be driven more by bestial instinct than the mind. The Strenght Potion of the orcs is composed of a very strong alcohol mixed with blood, liver and a special sort of underground mushroom. It is also sweetened with honey, so much that it tastes much too sweet for a human.
Authentic Strolenite™©®

A skeleton walks into a bar and ask the Bartender: “Do you serve skeletons here?”

Times being what they are the wily Bartender replies: “sure, we serve anyone.”

The skeleton hands the man a silver and says: “Fine, I’ll have a pitcher of beer…and a mop”

Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2010, 09:20:09 PM »
Wand of KABOOM(!)

The orcs have kept this slim, almost effeminate magician’s wand safe under lock and key for years. The one time the tribe’s shaman experimented with the wand years ago, he blew the village saloon sky-high, burning alive a handful of his fellow orcs. The shaman was soon after roasted himself by the villagers, albeit more slowly, and over a crackling campfire.
 
Since that inauspicious day, the orcs have kept the wand hidden. But since the PCs deserve it, the orcs bequeath it to the adventurers for a job well-done.
The wand is indeed a wand of fireballs, and a powerful one at that, but with one major drawback. It is out of charges.

Head-Butting Hat

This sewed, patchy, leather skull-cap with flaps, looks a little like an old-style, early twentieth century, American football helmet. Unassuming in every way, and in fact unflattering head-gear, it does have one major boon. If used for head-butting the hat becomes a formidable weapon. A hit from this leather helm carries the same wallop, as if a steel-helm was used instead. Great damage can be done to the heads and faces of adversaries, broken noses, concussions, and cracked jaws. The wearer of the helm, meanwhile, feels no pain from the hits.
« Last Edit: October 05, 2010, 09:22:57 PM by Murometz »
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Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2010, 09:32:51 PM »
Iron Likeness

In honor of the PCs success, the grateful orcs decide to commemorate the PCs “for all time”. They plan to erect great iron statues of the PCs, in their likeness. Thousands of iron coins and shards (nearly valueless), are smelted down and orcish sculptors begin the laborious effort of constructing statues. They insist the adventurers remain in the village as honored guests, until the masterworks are complete. At first the PCs will be flattered and more than happy to “pose and preen” for the orcish sculptors and metal-workers. But soon all becomes apparent. The orcs are talentless ironmongers (much less sculptors) and weeks turn into months, as they struggle to erect featureless, vaguely humanoid, and cigar-shaped statues, while the PCs suffer from dysentery, as “guests” of the orcs.
« Last Edit: October 05, 2010, 10:08:23 PM by Murometz »
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Offline Michael Jotne Slayer

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #10 on: October 05, 2010, 09:46:30 PM »
I added them for you Muro! Iron Likeness! LOL :up: We now have 19, yay!
« Last Edit: October 05, 2010, 09:48:11 PM by Michael Jotne Slayer »
Authentic Strolenite™©®

A skeleton walks into a bar and ask the Bartender: “Do you serve skeletons here?”

Times being what they are the wily Bartender replies: “sure, we serve anyone.”

The skeleton hands the man a silver and says: “Fine, I’ll have a pitcher of beer…and a mop”

Offline valadaar

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #11 on: October 06, 2010, 11:46:21 AM »
I should reserve a number or two to force me to do it :)
   
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Offline axlerowes

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #12 on: October 06, 2010, 04:24:01 PM »
A Good Ole’ Fashion Fist Fight

Even Orcs can get emotional, complacent or relaxed, and when they do an allied Orc will help them by punching them in the face.  While time consuming and possibly deadly, a good fist fight (without weapons) can bring an Orc back down to earth and also be sign of status if the fight is particularly long or bloody.  If the PCs seem to have had a rough time or maybe seem a little down, the Orcs will feel a lot social pressure to do the right thing and punch them in the face.

A Pile of Composte (the perfect gift for the expecting mother)

Orcs don’t reproduce like most mammals, a pregnant she Orc only carries the child for about three months and that time she deposits the tiny fetal like in nutrient rich dirt, such as grave or a pile of composting material. The she Orc then has to keep this spot (nest) warm by sitting on it, placeing warm rocks in, by hobbling a large land mammal and letting die on top or by making her nest near a hot spring.  So while all of those would make great gifts, the surest best is to get the expecting mother a pile of rotting nutrient rich material.

A Fertile Human Woman

As much as Orc’s may love their Sisters of the Snout, no male Orc can deny the convenience and advantage of a fertile human woman.  If you place your seed in her in six months she will give birth to your child. You can take that woman a viking with you, you can move camps, and all you have to do is feed her.  Plus if you have ten fertile human women you can have ten children in six months.  Even the best Orc mother would have trouble tending ten nests.  It will be a half orc yes, but as the Orc saying goes “Most children weak, but not as weak as elves”. 

A Great Axe

After all these years, still nothing else says “class” to Orcs like the gift of a great ax.  As far as the Orc’s are concerned, it is never out of style, it sends a message that you respect the strength of their arm and if they don’t like it they can always hit you with it.
« Last Edit: October 06, 2010, 06:18:59 PM by axlerowes »

Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #13 on: October 06, 2010, 04:31:30 PM »
Welcome to the Dark-Side axle!  :up:

Awesome! I laugh out loud. Fertile human woman, sisters of the snout, composte, fists, and classic axe.

Terrific!  :lol:
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Offline Cheka Man

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #14 on: October 06, 2010, 09:29:29 PM »
I added a few.

Offline Murometz

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #15 on: October 06, 2010, 09:33:27 PM »
Excellent!
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Offline Michael Jotne Slayer

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Re: 30 Orcish Gifts (For Services Rendered)
« Reply #16 on: October 07, 2010, 07:58:04 AM »
Great Cheka, do you think you could add bold and clean up the text a little so it shines even better?  :)
Authentic Strolenite™©®

A skeleton walks into a bar and ask the Bartender: “Do you serve skeletons here?”

Times being what they are the wily Bartender replies: “sure, we serve anyone.”

The skeleton hands the man a silver and says: “Fine, I’ll have a pitcher of beer…and a mop”