Author Topic: Help needed with an Ocean submission  (Read 2079 times)

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Offline Cheka Man

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Help needed with an Ocean submission
« on: May 08, 2009, 07:14:16 PM »
http://www.strolen.com/content.php?node=5763 (the link)

I spent two days on it, it certainly is Quest-worthy, but it's also a huge mess. But I like the idea of it.

Offline Moonlake

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Re: Help needed with an Ocean submission
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2009, 09:59:12 PM »
I second Val in that I think the sub needs section headings. While on the whole I find the sub not hard to read in that each paragraph is short, it really needs sub-headings so you can separate out different content and make the piece flow. My suggestion is to break it up into the following sections: Description; Offense Capabilities- Man Power (I can't think of a better term but basically I mean fighting b/w marines); Offense apabilities- Cannons; Engagement/Communication with other ships; the Navy and its Fighting History.

Hope that helps.

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Offline papy2000

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Re: Help needed with an Ocean submission
« Reply #2 on: July 13, 2009, 08:06:57 AM »
yes what moonlake says is right and i agree with him... my inner felling always says this

« Last Edit: July 13, 2009, 08:16:21 AM by valadaar »