Author Topic: Interesting Writing Links  (Read 304 times)

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Offline valadaar

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Interesting Writing Links
« on: October 26, 2015, 10:10:23 AM »
I tripped over the hemingway editor.  As a test, I used it to redo my Tohm's Bones submission.


It's one of my older submissions, and I'm not entirely sure what to think about the result.  The original was rated 'ok' with a grade 11 level and lots and lots of colored blocks - pretty much the entire submission was off in some manner.

My revision below comes in at grade 8 level (good), only objecting to the adverb Mysteriously.

I would have never had thought one could come to like a rattling pile of walking bones, but Tohm grew on me.  I found his checker games with Formuo amusing. Whenever Thom took one of Formuro’s pieces he would rattle his jaw in joy..  From the diary of Professor Ethric, faculty of Divination.


An articulated skeleton with small leather and metal joints holding the bones together.  Sometimes he wears discarded clothing and hats, often in bizarre combinations.


Tohms bones once belonged to a condemned criminal. They were willed to the Royal Academy which assembled and animated them by magic. The skeleton was for use in anatomy classes to show common movements.

 The students adopted the skeleton as a mascot  - it  became a fixture at many social events. Mysteriously, Thom became more self-directed, starting to do basic tasks and tricks unprompted. It is not known exactly when a spirit decided to occupy Tohm Bones.  Some suggest he was possessed by the spirit of a student killed in an odd laboratory accident. Others think someone performed an unauthorized ritual  to invest the skeleton with intelligence.  Tohm Bones now shows a level of intelligence far above what one would expect of a simple construct.  An investigation by the faculty found that Tohm was not undead,. Instead they reported that Tohm is a smart bone construct with no clear evil or malicious intent.

Tohm still plays his part demonstrating in anatomy classes, and as a mascot.  He goes to classes and watches with empty sockets, scribbling unreadable notes on slates.  Unable to speak, none believe he will ever cast spells, but nothing is for certain with Tohm.

He manages to communicate a bit  through gestures and pantomime.

He has  been spending a great deal of time in the company of Formuo and they have established a fast friendship.  Formuo understands Tohms gestures and jaw-clacking and they 'chat' for hours.
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Offline Strolen

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Re: Interesting Writing Links
« Reply #1 on: October 26, 2015, 05:59:52 PM »
I should replace our editor with that. :)

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