This submissions suffers from the problem most sci-fi subs have, there are no default tropes to easily insert things in. All the fantasy pieces fit nicely into generic fantasy worlds, and with tweaking can fit into other worlds. Sci-Fi subs need more background material, as there are no default tropes for them. That is why writing for
You have all this wonderful background.. so much that the post is drowning.
There is almost too much backstory and history for this world. It might be better served in creating a "Setting" giving the big picture historical and the few big players (the church, the government, etc) and the technology available as scroll entries.
Then you can edit this one to fit under that. You can even write up organizations and such. That way it will all start making sense. They will all be linked by the end links, probably a free-text, and hyperlinks in the text.
This organizational change would make the post more significant. That way you can highlight the history by itself and focus on just the planet.
Now you need a bit more description of the planet itself, (size, temp, etc). What the cities look like (Do they look like colonial buildings? Is everything brick? Hightech prefab? Glistening cities of tall buildings with mirrored windows?) and what is available in terms of tech and resources (Is this a world set back in the 1860s like in Firefly?). These should be the nuts and bolts of what the world is like.