llamaenterhear
Username: Password:

Author Topic: New Liberty- stuck!  (Read 804 times)

0 Members and 1 Lonely Barbarian are spying on this topic.

Offline CaptainPenguin

  • Bastardo!
  • Squirrel Strolenati
  • Emperor
  • *
  • Posts: 5869
  • Awards Questor Hall of Heroes 10
    • Awards
New Liberty- stuck!
« on: May 22, 2007, 02:54:58 PM »
http://www.strolen.com/content.php?node=3922

Anybody have any great ideas what to do with this?
Currently Reading: "Kafka On The Shore" by Haruki Murakami

Currently Listening To: "Piece Of Time" by Atheist

Offline dark_dragon

  • Strolenati
  • Lord
  • *
  • Posts: 401
  • Awards Hall of Heroes 5 2011 Sub of the Year
    • Awards
Re: New Liberty- stuck!
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2007, 04:13:15 PM »
Maybe you could add a couple of dark streaks running beneath the seeming facade of the world. It seems like they all settled happily into the union once it was there.

Maybe what could help would be a couple of reasons why the players would get to here. plot hooks, like remaining insurgents needing supplies, or having to reinstate the goverment after a coup by the same insurgents.

The background is nice! What you might want to  and highlight a few of the important personalities and organisation on the world. otherwise, I think its pretty good and could be posted right now (the end sentence isn't finished, though) even if it does read a bit like an encyclopedia entry.

hope this helps a bit!
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away."-Philip K. Dick

Offline MoonHunter

  • Waunderer
  • Emperor
  • ****
  • Posts: 3506
  • Awards Systems Guild Society Guild Locations Guild Questor Item Guild Lifeforms Guild
    • Awards
Re: New Liberty- stuck!
« Reply #2 on: May 24, 2007, 11:12:46 PM »
This submissions suffers from the problem most sci-fi subs have, there are no default tropes to easily insert things in. All the fantasy pieces fit nicely into generic fantasy worlds, and with tweaking can fit into other worlds. Sci-Fi subs need more background material, as there are no default tropes for them. That is why writing for

You have all this wonderful background.. so much that the post is drowning.

There is almost too much backstory and history for this world. It might be better served in creating a "Setting" giving the big picture historical and the few big players (the church, the government, etc) and the technology available as scroll entries.

Then you can edit this one to fit under that. You can even write up organizations and such.  That way it will all start making sense. They will all be linked by the end links, probably a free-text, and hyperlinks in the text.

This organizational change would make the post more significant. That way you can highlight the history by itself and focus on just the planet.

Now you need a bit more description of the planet itself, (size, temp, etc). What the cities look like (Do they look like colonial buildings? Is everything brick? Hightech prefab? Glistening cities of tall buildings with mirrored windows?) and what is available in terms of tech and resources (Is this a world set back in the 1860s like in Firefly?). These should be the nuts and bolts of what the world is like.
MoonHunter
Sage, Gamer, Mystic, Wit
"The road less traveled is less traveled for a reason."
"The world needs dreamers to give it a soul."
"And it needs realists to keep it alive."
Authentic Strolenite ®©