Worst movies ever

[Ancient Gamer]

This thread is for whining about those movies that were so bad, you will remain traumatized for the rest of your life:

1. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. -What a piece of crap
2. Strictly Ballroom -Spare me.
3. Dungeons and Dragons -No comment.

[Pariah]

I'm gonna have to agree with you on the Hitchhiker's Guide.  That was a real let down.

[Scrasamax]

Queen of the d**ned
The ONLY reason this movie made even a ripple as if fell into the Hollywood toilet was that Aaliyah, who played the title role, died during the final stages of filming. The book, third in the series following Interview with a Vampire, was gothy, angsty, and about as vampire munchkin as you can get, and the movie was only worse. At least the novel had a strong sense of cohesion to it, and the characters had strong, somewhat believable motivations. The movie tends to be a phantasmagoria of vampire angst.

Mortal Kombat:Annihilation
While I cannot place the original Mortal Kombat in the list of greatest movies, it was entertaining and not all that bad. The sequel however tried to cover entirely too many characters and ended up more strung out that a junkie three days past his last fix.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
I read the books years ago, and loved them. Unfortunately the movie tries to hard, and rather than coming off as deadpan, its just dead. Anything that acted ended up being over the top rather than just absurd.

Battlefield Earth
Because flying a 1000 year old AV-8B Harrier is really just like breaking a horse, I swear. At least Tom Cruise and the Scientology Brouhaha drew attention away from this almost endless crap-fest. I read the book, and it was quite interesting, but the movie does it no justice.

Land of the Dead
I have the utmost respect for George Romero and the grand franxhise of the zombie movie. However, this movie lacked so many of the vital parts of the zombie movie, and the evolutionary thinking of the zombies was just ridiculous. I am sure there are plenty of people who will disagree on that point, but the movie sucked.

[Maggot]

Spanglish

Almost two hours of never-ending melo-drama cloying enough to make you gag. I've never seen Adam Sandler at his least likable. And his co-star Vega, or whatever her name is, was just plain annoying.

[Dozus]

Grilled

A comedy about door-to-door meat salesmen starring Ray Romano and Kevin James.  How could you screw it up?  They managed to.  The plot is stupid, the writing is half-assed and, in an attempt to be noir and cutting-edge, they forget to be funny.  Really disappointing.

[Ria Hawk]

Scream and Scream Again It tries hard to be a horror movie, but the plot was so badly written and had so many holes that even Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, AND Peter Lorre couldn't save it.

The Nun Interesting concept, but the main character is every single bad horror movie heroine rolled into one.  You spend the entire movie hoping she dies.  The only two characters that I had any empathy for at all had far too little screen time, and it's possible to pinpoint the exact moment when the people who made it realized the plot sucked.

[Ancient Gamer]

Dobermann
As a european I watch american movies, chinese movies, french movies, english movies, australian and new zealand movies, german movies, h*** I even watch norwegian movies. So when I rented the movie Dobermann, with my two favourite european actors Vincent Cassel and Monica Bellucci, I was hoping for some fun.

Not so. A weak and unrealistic story and some utterly uncharismatic personalities made this entire action-fest a flop of dimensions. It might just be me getting old, but watching 40 year olds dress up as teenagers and killing cops in the most grotesque ways just does not do it for me anymore.

I want a plot.

[MoonHunter]

We are on the movie theme.  This should probably be moved to the media section, but oh well. 

[Ria Hawk]

Manos, The Hands of Fate  Oh gods.  Run away from this movie.  Not even seeing it on Mystery Science Theatre 3000 could make it bearable.  Only one character had any actual characterization, and he was just creepy.  I've seen rocking chairs that were less wooden than the rest of the cast.  The villian wasn't menacing, and I just wanted the "heroes" to die.  There was absolutely no resolution (or real plot, for that matter), and there is the distinct feeling that the entire budget was spent on two not terribly impressive effects.  The cinematographer was either blind or dead.  Oh, and there's a badly-choreographed fifteen minute (at least) catfight between several women that seems like a very pathetic attempt at eroticism, even for the fifties.

[MoonHunter]

She Wins.  You can't beat that.  Though, Plan 9 from Outer Space comes close.

[Murometz]

Lady Ninja Kaede 2
Erotica and martial arts are a powerful pair of skills used by Kaede, a ninja nun put under a sex spell by the religious cult she tries to infiltrate.

[Moonlake]

I don't know about traumatised but the following are top waste-of-money movies on my list:
Shadow Recruit: Jack Ryan (or some name like it): can remember nothing memorable about the plot or character
Ocean 12: only memorable scene was the bad guy only a kind of Spanish dance while trying to evade the infra-red security guard thingy. Otherwise, just too many ppl running around such that I can only recognise George Clooney, Julia Roberts and the black guy. At one point, I even mixed up Brad Pitts and Matt Damon.
Hobbit 2: major disappointment after anticipation I had for it, I quite like Hobbit 1 but 2 was just like thin plot dragged out by adding bits of stuff here and there not in the original book that do not particularly add value
Hobbit 3: better than no. 2 and okay tie up of loose ends and allusion to LoR but too much dragged out scene with sidekick of the Major for Dale. Added element not in the book decent but I neither really like it nor dislike it.

Then there are these that I wouldn't really call complete waste of money cos still has a plot but quite sub par for me:
Newest James Bond: can only remember the bad guy telling a weird story about mice and an island (although had action packed intro), otherwise plot is like a blur with James Bond travelling across different cities
Jack Reacher: feels to me like the scriptwriter has not done a successful adaptation of the book somehow, at one point a surprise crops up in the plot but there's no hints dropped along the way to point to it so instead of being a pleasant surprise or an aha moment, it's more like a huh?
A Hollywood movie whose name I had forgotten but basic premise was that there are a bunch of ppl with special power of 'jumping' across locations and there's this bunch of religious fanatics trying to eradicate them, a movie made up 80% by the protagonist making these 'jumps'
Wanted: has a memorable thrilling scene on the train and the turning bullet thing but otherwise, long dragged out scenes with the protagonist getting hit and then soaking in whatever white liquid/cream and the turning bullet shots are way too many in my opinion, also didn't get the ending nor why in the medieval days this bunch of ppl interpreted names appearing in this loom as ppl they should kill as opposed to protect?

There's also Dead Letter Office that's on my curriculum for English in Year 12 (last year of secondary in AUS) which is way worse than Strictly Ballroom. But then I actually liked Strictly Ballroom so far as a compulsory viewed movie goes (English curriculum for Year 10).

[Aramax]

The worst movie ever made is "Red Zone Cuba" it was on MST3K and it is just horrible it is unwatchable and even Misted it is truely the worst

[axlerowes]

I own red zone cuba on VHS. I have never watched it.  I bought it at this really ambitious video store in Bloomington Indiana back in the 90s.

Some the truly bad movies this place thought to preserve
were

Keiko Mask: (japanesse school girl who fights crime using her vagina. The conceit is her is the most beautiful vagnia in the world and too look upon it means death)

The Secret Sex Lives of Romeo and Juliet: Kind of like Laugh-in with bare breasts and everyone speaking in verse

Shriek of the Mutilated: Worst Yeti Costume Ever

Loot: Starring Sir Richard Attenborough and Lee Remick.  No idea what was going in this movie

The Terror of Tiny Town: All Midget western!  They walk in under the salon doors and ride around on shetland ponies.  They also sing.

A bunch of East German and Turkish movies from the 70s that should be above judgement.  Examples: Apache, In the Dust of Stars, The Man Who Saves The World,

But while those movies are bad, they can at least claim amateur  status, a winking self-knowing acknowledge of poor taste, or differing cultural demands and tastes. 

What is the worst movie and that is just unforgivably bad.  The movie that set a bar, gathered enough resources and talent but couldn't clear the hurdle. 


Some thoughts:
Water for Elephants

All the Pretty Horses

Blade 3

Metro

Dungeons and Dragons

Zardoz

Mutant Chronicles

Batman and Robin (low hanging fruit I know)

The Expendibles...any of em
 

[axlerowes]

and for this crowd

Clive Owen's "King Arthur"

[axlerowes]

Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever

[MysticMoon]

Wait... Zardoz!? You put Zardoz on the bad movie list? Oh, horror of horrors, axle. That movie is Epic!

[axlerowes]

what was Zardoz about?

who was the main character?

how did it end?

[MysticMoon]

what was Zardoz about?

who was the main character?

how did it end?

1. Civilization vs barbarism is like asking if a pig is no longer a pig once you've applied the lipstick
2. Mr Connery was the central point who provided us with the perspective necessary for putting everything else in context.
3. In an LSD-induced haze. Oh, wait, you were asking about the movie, not whoever wrote it. I'll have to go with death and destruction and a leveling of the playing field.

[Wulfhere]

I recently got the chance to watch Sin City.  What an utter waste of time.  Badasses so tough they could shrug off  a four-story fall followed by a  9 mm slug to the chest, a population of females who are strippers if they're not prostitutes, and dialogue so dated and wooden that you could have aged whiskey in it.

[MysticMoon]

I like Vern's breakdown of Sin City: http://www.outlawvern.com/2005/04/01/sin-city/

Personally, I enjoyed it for what it was, but it certainly has its flaws. I will say that Elijah Wood's character was about the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

[axlerowes]

I really enjoyed Sin City for the most part (Clive Owen story I could pass on) , I remember a lot of laughter in the theater.  I thought it was hilarious in part because it was an absurd expression of the extremes seen in american tough guy movies. It was cartoonish, but was intended to be cartoonish. The dialog and acting were over the top again as intention to make the character archetypal genre characters shocking and surprising.  I think the movie hit its mark.  So even you didn't like it, I would not call it the worst movie ever.  Because the movie had a consistent tone, internal logic, and compressible and comprehensible narrative..

Sin City, you may have hate it cause it is cartoonish and sophomoric, but it was intended to be.  And Sin City was an excellent at being cartoonish and sophomoric.


Was Zardoz succssessful at being a morality tale about an upper class 1st world nation living off the labors of the third world? Did we need an end message of all you need is love? As much as I enjoyed Zardoz for both its ambition and weirdness, it missed its mark.  Though I would totally go to either Zardoz or Sin City themed parties.

[Murometz]

Sin City rocked! Stylish, innovative, original, gritty!! And MARV!!!!!!!!

 This thread is dead to me now.

[Scrasamax]

The only thing I took from Sin City was the titular Basin City, and made it a seedy east coast version of Vegas, otherwise it was neither great nor terrible. It was very stylistic, but not to the point that I was kicked in the pants to go see the sequel.

[MysticMoon]

Was Zardoz succssessful at being a morality tale about an upper class 1st world nation living off the labors of the third world? Did we need an end message of all you need is love? As much as I enjoyed Zardoz for both its ambition and weirdness, it missed its mark.  Though I would totally go to either Zardoz or Sin City themed parties.

All you need is love? I musta missed that message. I thought all they needed was to overthrow the spoiled brats in their little protected corner of the world

Also, totally worth having seen it to get the reference on that random Community episode

Sin City rocked! Stylish, innovative, original, gritty!! And MARV!!!!!!!!

 This thread is dead to me now.

Yes.