llamaenterhear

Author Topic: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence  (Read 724 times)

0 Members and 1 Lonely Barbarian are spying on this topic.

Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« on: August 07, 2016, 03:16:07 AM »
I need help on ironing out a fighting sequence in terms of logistics and logic holes. Below I will try to give a synopsis of everything occurs and what I enclose in {} are the specific areas where I need help but if you see any other bits that won't stand to close scrutiny, please do tell me. Also, if there're bits where you think further details are required, please tell me also. I need to get this sequence making sense within the next 2 weeks preferably or 3 weeks max.

Here we go:
  • The 4 characters (2 warriors: Yin Jiao the Capn and Meng the junior; 2 mages: Xun Zhen the protagonist and ex-mentor Zhang) are travelling in a small horse drawn carriage with 2 doors on either ends. The width of the carriage is such that only one person can board at a time.
  • They are ambushed which starts with arrows that nearly got Zhang killed but Yin Jiao (the elder warrior/the Captain) shouts a warning in time for  the party to be not harmed by the arrows
  • Yin Jiao determines that there are about eight or nine ‘bandits’ from their footsteps and that two of them seem to be beyond the level of mere bandits. Therefore, he is cautious. He also thinks that they won’t be able to out-run the bandits with the driver they hired. It’s also not very realistic that he or Meng take over the reins because: 1) the two of them are good riders but not good carriage drivers; 2) the horse pulling the carriage isn’t even a good horse in the first place so it is doubtful that a better driver than any of the party plus the four of them can outrun the bandits with such a horse. So he chose to defend his two mage charges from within the inside of the carriage. This will make it easier to them to protect their charges as opposed to going out to the open when they are outnumbered.
  • For this plan of his to work, he needs to get rid of the archer first.  He manages to slay the archer {not sure how or alternatively how can I introduce the shock of a sudden attack without an archer?}.
  • The party’s layout within the carriage is now as follows: Meng is guarding the front door while Captain guards the back. The two mages are in the middle. The quarters are not spacious but there are enough rooms for the warriors to not have to deal with hindered movement within the carriage.
  • The bandits rush to board the carriage and one of them gets killed by the horse’s kicking him in panic (before the horse is killed in turn) but the bandits make short work of the carriage driver and then start boarding
  • At the front, Meng makes short work of several bandits. Then he hears noises and deduces that the bandits are boarding the rear as well
  • Over at the rear, the Capn is having some difficulty facing off against someone he determines as being definitely not a bandit but rather an assassin sent to sabotage their mission for political reasons but with the help of Xun Zhen, he manages to conquer his foe
  • Back to Meng. He has been forced to step back a few steps and now he is against another of the planted ‘bandit’ who is really an assassin with another sneaky bandit behind the assassin who’s been seizing opportunities to try to sneak small cuts to him. {Is this even possible within the small space within the carriage I described?}
  • Meng makes a slip and in order to correct for it, he turns sideways. This allows the bandit to dart behind him and get a chance at the 2 mages.
  • Meng turns around in panic, exposing his entire back to his opponent
  • {Where would be the Capn be now in terms of physical position relative to the bandit who rushed past Meng and the 2 mages? This depends on how many bandits are now left.  As currently written, the assumption is that there are no more coming from the door that Capn is guarding now i.e. only the 2 that Meng was facing, one of the 2 assassins mixed in with the bandits and 1 bandit who had darted past Meng. Given this, the threat is already over from the entrance guarded by Capn but the Capn is cautious in nature so he still stands guarding his entrance but been keeping eyes on Meng. This setup feasible? }
  • Capn rushes forward and past Meng to take the fatal cut meant for Meng. He does this instead of rushing for the 2 mages in danger because exhaustion has overtaken him and at that moment he happened to be looking at Meng and saw the fatal danger for him so he just acted, didn’t really think.
  • The Capn gets fatally injured whilst clinging to Meng’s back and eventually traps the assassin’s broadsword within his own body {Is this realistic? Can one trap a broadsword within one’s body with repeated injury? Isn’t this only feasible with a dagger?}
  • Meng turns back around upon feeling weight of Capn sliding off his back and then kills assassin in rage
  • Over to the 2 mages. The bandit was about to kill Zhang with a slash but Xun Zhen pushed his mentor out of the way and got a cut on his hand instead.
  • Meng has now turned back towards the bandit who rushed past him and catching the last of the sequence detailed in dot point above, he rushes forward and slays the bandit.

« Last Edit: August 07, 2016, 07:09:56 PM by Moonlake »

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Mageek

  • Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Found the Profile Modification Page
  • Awards Dungeon Guild Elite Dungeon Guild Hall of Heroes
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #1 on: August 07, 2016, 10:17:40 PM »
I recommend making top-down thumbnails indicating where everyone is in each "frame" of the fight.  You can also include critical items (like dropped weapons, etc).
What do the horses do after the carriage driver is killed? Is everything moving the whole time?
Also - is this for a DnD game or a book or something else?
« Last Edit: August 07, 2016, 11:00:34 PM by Mageek »

Offline valadaar

  • Lord Ascendant of Typos
  • Emperor
  • ****
  • Posts: 3804
  • Awards Elite NPC Guild Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Lifeforms Guild Elite Locations Guild Elite Article Guild
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #2 on: August 08, 2016, 11:54:23 AM »
Personally if I were the bandits, the attack would have started with a booby trap/deadfall to stop the carriage, not a volley of arrows.  Chasing a carriage on foot without some means to hobble it would not be a sound plan.

Given I had at least one archer, I would have them pelt the now stopped carriage, perhaps with fire arrows to flush them out into the open where more arrows would be followed up by a ground attack.

The Volley is problematic as you mention The Archer - who, unless he is superhuman, is not going to be able unleash a volley of arrows.

Being able to fight at all within the confines of a carriage light enough to be managed by a single horse seems nearly impossible.
Maybe with daggers and martial arts, but swords - I don't think so.  I would expect the interior of a single horse cart to be as cramped as the backseat of a car.

eg. http://www.carriagemart.com/pictures/pic3850.jpg

Friendly fire with swords would be almost assured.

You get a little more leeway if you have a larger vehicle drawn by a larger team. E.g. Stagecoach. Even then, it is extremely close quarters. No one is going to be able to simply slip past anyone unless they have been drawn out of the vehicle and left several feet of space. Perhaps if Meng was in one of those blade-to-blade struggles which took all of his attention...

There is a scene in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon Sword of Destiny where there is a battle about a carriage, but virtually none of the combat occurs inside.  Its just too d**n small.  I don't have a you tube link to it sadly.

If you want a battle with a vehicle serving as a mini fortress of sorts, a boat might work better.







   
            Human Strolenati
              Ildus Amanitha- The Occult Brotherhood           
            Strolenati Guild
            DwarvenGuild - Dorak Stonehammer
            Weavers Guild
            Level 4
            STR: 5| END: 4| CON: 5| DEX: 5 | CHA: 4 | INT: 8
            Authentic Strolenite™©®
       
   
                   
           
               
           
                   
           

Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #3 on: August 08, 2016, 07:12:02 PM »
Thanks, guys, for the inputs. Strolen has given me a lot of pointers with this already through email (he was actually my first source of contact but I threw this out to the Citadel in case) cos he said he might not be available.

@Mageek, this is for a short story currently published as a serial for the Citadel epub for sale on Amazon (see link here: http://strolen.com/guild/index.php/board,124.0.html, just FYI)
@Val, Strolen has given much the same feedback and as of now, I'm compiling version 2 of the fighting sequence based on his feedback and one of the first changes would be that the bandits take out the carriage driver rather than hit the carriage with a volley of arrows and I'm also moving the fight scene outside of the carriage. Still trying to find a pic of an ancient Chinese carriage used by commoners for transportation usage though. Initial search was in English and got me nothing, new thinking is that maybe I should search in Chinese instead.

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline valadaar

  • Lord Ascendant of Typos
  • Emperor
  • ****
  • Posts: 3804
  • Awards Elite NPC Guild Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Lifeforms Guild Elite Locations Guild Elite Article Guild
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #4 on: August 08, 2016, 08:12:27 PM »
google the movie i mentioned - they use one and its set in ancientish china.
   
            Human Strolenati
              Ildus Amanitha- The Occult Brotherhood           
            Strolenati Guild
            DwarvenGuild - Dorak Stonehammer
            Weavers Guild
            Level 4
            STR: 5| END: 4| CON: 5| DEX: 5 | CHA: 4 | INT: 8
            Authentic Strolenite™©®
       
   
                   
           
               
           
                   
           

Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #5 on: August 08, 2016, 08:31:36 PM »
Okay, I shall, Val.

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #6 on: August 10, 2016, 08:10:40 PM »
Okay, here we go, version 2 here, again {} for specific areas that I'm unsure of and really need help on:

  • The 4 characters (2 warriors: Yin Jiao the Capn and Meng the junior; 2 mages: Xun Zhen the protagonist and ex-mentor Zhang) are travelling in a small horse drawn carriage with 2 doors on either ends (front and end). The width of the carriage is such that only one person can board at a time.
  • They are ambushed by bandits. In particular, there’s an archer amongst the bandits who takes out the driver and then another bandit seizes the reins. Yin Jiao notices the way the sudden lurch in the carriage and then thinks he hears a faint sound of a heavy object such as a human body falling off at the front.
  • Yin Jiao signals Meng about the ambush. Then, he arranges everybody in the best defensible position possible, with the 2 warriors guarding one door each and the 2 mages in the middle. 
  • The carriage lurches to a stop. 
  • From the footsteps outside, Yin Jiao determines that there are about eight or nine ‘bandits’ from their footsteps and that two of them seem to be beyond the level of mere bandits. Therefore, he opts to continue defending his two mage charges from within the inside of the carriage where the advantage in number is mostly nullifed by close range fighting. He also deduces that there might be an archer amongst the bandits else he thinks that Meng might have also picked on the attack on the driver. 
  • The bandits use smoke to try to roust the party out of the carriage.
  • Yin Jiao takes the risk of peeking out and sees that the bandits are separated between the 2 doors to the carriage. He gets Meng to help him remove the back door and the two of them use it as a temporary shield to push forward and safely get them all out in the open where they can use their skills with their back to the wagon.
  • At this side, there’re only 4 bandits. In the unexpectedness of what the party does or maybe using smoke as a cover {which of these seems more realistic?}, two bandits are already being chopped down.
  • Now, Capn signals Meng to go and protect their rear, still keeping the 2 mages in the middle all this time.
  • The Capn makes short work of one of the remaining bandits at the front but then he encounters difficulty facing off against someone he determines as being definitely not a bandit but rather an assassin sent to sabotage their mission for political reasons. With the help of Xun Zhen, he manages to conquer his foe. But he is winded now.
  • Back to Meng. He is now fighting against the last two bandits on his side: the other of the planted ‘bandit’ who is really an assassin and a sneaky bandit who’s been seizing opportunities to try to sneak small cuts to him.
  • {about here, I need to have Meng dispatch the archer but not sure how that occurs. Or maybe instead of the Capn taking the fatal cut for Meng later on, he takes the fatal arrow for Meng assuming that we are now down to last 2 bandits plus archer and so the archer gets a chance to put arrows to work?}
  • Meng makes a slip and in order to correct for it, he turns sideways. This allows the bandit to dart behind him and get a chance at the 2 mages.
  • Meng turns around in panic, exposing his entire back to his opponent
  • {Capn still too winded to actually help out Meng but he's having his eyes on things at Meng's end now. Not sure about his physical position though and not sure that it matters for my write-up.} Seeing Meng in danger, Capn reflexively rushes forward and past Meng to take the fatal cut meant for Meng.
  • The Capn gets fatally injured whilst pressing against Meng’s back (to protect him) and eventually traps the assassin’s broadsword within his own ribs
  • Meng turns back around upon feeling weight of Capn sliding off his back and then kills assassin in rage
  • Over to the 2 mages who are both holding a dagger in their hands. The bandit was about to slash at Zhang. Seeing that, Xun Zhen reflexively pushed his mentor out of the way but earned a cut on his hand instead. {Strolen commented that there’s one too many pushing-people-out-of-harm event in this sequence but I’m short of idea about how to make Xun Zhen earn the cut otherwise}
  • Meng has now turned back towards the bandit who rushed past him and catching the last of the sequence detailed in dot point above, he rushes forward and slays the bandit.

@ Chinese carriage, I finally found a bunch of pics on ancient Chinese carriages through Google image. Of those close to what I have in mind, none of them provide a close-up enough look to dispute my current description of the carriage the party is travelling in at the moment before the ambush.
« Last Edit: August 10, 2016, 08:13:42 PM by Moonlake »

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Mageek

  • Apprentice
  • *
  • Posts: 8
  • Found the Profile Modification Page
  • Awards Dungeon Guild Elite Dungeon Guild Hall of Heroes
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #7 on: August 11, 2016, 10:43:37 AM »
    • "Bandit siezes the reins" How did they get there - by jumping on board from a tree?
    • Why is the signaling required? Does the driver not call out? Has it been a stealthy takeover?
    • Is the carriage closed? Can they not see out of it?
    • As a bandit I would make demands first. Like "give us your money" or whatnot. If I am an assassin I would start stabbing through the sidewalls, not wait for smoke. Furthermore, if I knew there was a mage I would take extra precaution. Silence spells and the like.
    • Why remove the back door? Is that better than just opening it and jumping out?
    • What do the bandits fight with? Samurai swords?
    • The ending with Meng feeling the weight of the Captain is great.
    • A suggestion for second to last bullet - instead of a push-out-of-way you can include a tactical I-sacrifice-a-cut-to-my-hand-in-exchange-for-a-cut-to-their-throat. The mage can leave themselves "open" but get the surprise stab off just right.
    [/list

Offline valadaar

  • Lord Ascendant of Typos
  • Emperor
  • ****
  • Posts: 3804
  • Awards Elite NPC Guild Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Lifeforms Guild Elite Locations Guild Elite Article Guild
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #8 on: August 11, 2016, 11:21:44 AM »
Echo Mageeks questions.

Plus my own:

How does Yin Jiao tell by footsteps two of the bandits are special? Magic?
How is the smoke deployed? Smoke bombs? I think torches and fire a more likely and straightforward approach.
Removing a door in the heat of battle better be a simple smash, or while you are doing it you will be cut down. There are no allies outside to keep the bandits at bay while you are removing the door.  Also, the door bursting outwards and smashing into a bandit has a better visual to me :)

As for the mage's cut, have the bandit directly target Xun Zhen instead of the mentor. The Bandit attacks, catching Xun's hand and forcing him to drop his dagger. At that moment Meng saves the day.

Also, if they are mages, why no spells? :)





   
            Human Strolenati
              Ildus Amanitha- The Occult Brotherhood           
            Strolenati Guild
            DwarvenGuild - Dorak Stonehammer
            Weavers Guild
            Level 4
            STR: 5| END: 4| CON: 5| DEX: 5 | CHA: 4 | INT: 8
            Authentic Strolenite™©®
       
   
                   
           
               
           
                   
           

Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #9 on: August 11, 2016, 07:05:35 PM »
    • "Bandit siezes the reins" How did they get there - by jumping on board from a tree? Party is travelling on dilapidated track actually worn in by human traffic rather than a built road. Surrounding have heaps of dense foliage and boulders for ambushers to hide in. So the bandit who seizes the reins would most likely jump out from a bush rather than a tree.
    • Why is the signaling required? Does the driver not call out? Has it been a stealthy takeover? Yes, it's supposed to be a stealthy takeover.
    • Is the carriage closed? Can they not see out of it? Yes, the carriage is closed as they are actually moving. There are windows but they are the ones that you need to open to see out of.
    • As a bandit I would make demands first. Like "give us your money" or whatnot. If I am an assassin I would start stabbing through the sidewalls, not wait for smoke. Furthermore, if I knew there was a mage I would take extra precaution. Silence spells and the like. The current setup is that there are two assassins hiding amongst the bandits. The smoke thing is based on Strolen suggestion that I should move the fighting scene outside and that the party would basically only move outside under threat of fire/smoke. I chose smoke. I see your points though, any suggestions?
    • Why remove the back door? Is that better than just opening it and jumping out?To use the door as a shield cos there's an archer around.
    • What do the bandits fight with? Samurai swords?not sure about the actual bandits but the two assassins, one is a sword user and the other a broadsword user and this is ancient Chinese setting so would be ancient Chinese weaponry. I guess the bandits could mostly likely use broadswords since swords in ancient China is some kind of gentleman's weapon.
    • The ending with Meng feeling the weight of the Captain is great.Thanks.
    • A suggestion for second to last bullet - instead of a push-out-of-way you can include a tactical I-sacrifice-a-cut-to-my-hand-in-exchange-for-a-cut-to-their-throat. The mage can leave themselves "open" but get the surprise stab off just right.Thanks, great idea.

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #10 on: August 11, 2016, 07:15:17 PM »
Echo Mageeks questions.

Plus my own:

How does Yin Jiao tell by footsteps two of the bandits are special? Magic? Not magic, keen hearing plus experienced warrior move a certain way different from common people so Yin Jiao can distinguish between footstep of common people/low level warriors vs skilled warriors.
How is the smoke deployed? Smoke bombs? I think torches and fire a more likely and straightforward approach. yes, thinking a fire but the aim is to make lots of smoke cos presumably if the attackers are predominantly bandits, they don't want to harm any merchandise.
Removing a door in the heat of battle better be a simple smash, or while you are doing it you will be cut down. There are no allies outside to keep the bandits at bay while you are removing the door.  Also, the door bursting outwards and smashing into a bandit has a better visual to me Presumption is that when the party is removing the door, the bandits haven't gotten through to the inside of the carriage yet. Okay then, then I shall have the door smashing into a bandit and then another one being cut down amidst the surprise of the door bursting outwards. :)

As for the mage's cut, have the bandit directly target Xun Zhen instead of the mentor. The Bandit attacks, catching Xun's hand and forcing him to drop his dagger. At that moment Meng saves the day.Need to think about this, cos the bit with Xun Zhen saving mentor is supposed to connect up with the plot involving his reconciliation with mentor (he had been holding a grudge with his mentor over his abrupt departure which Xun Zhen took as abandonement)

Also, if they are mages, why no spells? There is a spell cast by Xun Zhen that boosts the defence of the 2 warriors and links them up so that they share injury/stamina. But I'm mainly stuck on the actual fighting bits so I glossed over this spell. The mentor, on the other hand, isn't useful for battle at all, his domain is in divination/fortune-telling. :)

And thanks, Mageek and Val, for the questions and suggestions.
« Last Edit: August 11, 2016, 11:05:05 PM by Moonlake »

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #11 on: August 13, 2016, 03:17:30 AM »
Okay, think I ironed out most of the stuff except for one: how do I get rid of the archer during this fight? Basically, there are 9 bandits (2 assassins hidden among them). They come at the party from 2 sides. The archer is coming at Meng's side (the group that had to circle around the wagon to come at the party). Areas to work out include:
  • The archer would normally hang back and therefore should be the last to be killed amongst the bandits i.e. after Capn takes the fatal cut for Meng?
  • But if archer hangs back, then doesn't it make sense for Meng to kill the archer next after avenging the Capn while he knows that a bandit has darted past him to the 2 mages?

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline valadaar

  • Lord Ascendant of Typos
  • Emperor
  • ****
  • Posts: 3804
  • Awards Elite NPC Guild Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Lifeforms Guild Elite Locations Guild Elite Article Guild
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #12 on: August 13, 2016, 10:32:38 PM »
Bowstring snapped, and closes since nothing else better to do...?
   
            Human Strolenati
              Ildus Amanitha- The Occult Brotherhood           
            Strolenati Guild
            DwarvenGuild - Dorak Stonehammer
            Weavers Guild
            Level 4
            STR: 5| END: 4| CON: 5| DEX: 5 | CHA: 4 | INT: 8
            Authentic Strolenite™©®
       
   
                   
           
               
           
                   
           

Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #13 on: August 14, 2016, 12:47:17 AM »
@Val, wouldn't that be a bit anti-climatic, like I'm writing in the bowstring snapping for the sake of getting rid of the archer though in the previous version, I think I completely glossed over the archer and didn't even mention how he gets killed. I picked it up as a potential oversight this time around but now not sure where to insert about his demise. But maybe what you suggest is the more feasible route in terms of how things played out. Else the archer could have gotten open shot at anyone once bandits get trimmed down enough and then I have to worry about writing in an event with the warriors trying to deflect arrows and really I just want to redesign this fight scene to get rid of any logical loop-holes and otherwise just make it short and snappy.

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #14 on: August 14, 2016, 08:39:25 PM »
I still don't know where to insert the bits about the archer's bowstring snapping and where he gets killed (or it would be good if someone can suggest alternative ways of getting the archer killed, just ideas would do but try to aim for credibility and logic). Can I get specific input as to in between which the dot points should I insert these two events. The actual sequence for the fight scene is now the following:

•The 4 characters (2 warriors: Yin Jiao the Capn and Meng the junior; 2 mages: Xun Zhen the protagonist and ex-mentor Zhang) are travelling in a small horse drawn carriage with 2 doors on either ends (front and back). The width of the carriage is such that only one person can board at a time. They are travelling on a dilapidated track worn in by human traffic as opposed to an actual built road. There are dense foliage and boulders lining both sides providing ample opportunity for ambush.
•They are ambushed by bandits hiding among the foliage/boulders. In particular, there’s an archer amongst the bandits who takes out the driver and then another bandit seizes the reins. Yin Jiao notices the way the sudden lurch in the carriage and then thinks he hears a faint sound of a heavy object such as a human body falling off at the front.
•Yin Jiao signals Meng about the ambush. Then, he arranges everybody in the best defensible position possible, with the 2 warriors guarding one door each and the 2 mages in the middle.
•The carriage lurches to a stop.
•From the footsteps outside, Yin Jiao determines that there are about eight or nine ‘bandits’ from their footsteps and that two of them seem to be beyond the level of mere bandits. Therefore, he opts to continue defending his two mage charges from within the inside of the carriage where the advantage in number is mostly nullifed by close range fighting. He also deduces that there might be an archer amongst the bandits else he thinks that Meng might have also picked on the attack on the driver.
•The bandits call for the party to surrender the valuables they are carrying but Yin Jiao say they are not carrying goods. Not believing the party, the bandits decide to use smoke to roust the party out of the carriage.
•Yin Jiao takes the risk of peeking out and sees that the bandits are separated between the 2 doors to the carriage. He gets Meng to help him remove the back door and the two of them use it as a temporary shield to push forward and safely get them all out in the open where they can use their skills with their back to the wagon. 
•At this side, there’re only 4 bandits. When the door unexpectedly burst outwards, one bandit is slammed to death/fatal injury while another is cut down amidst surprise of the door. Capn feels an inexplicable link to Meng but too busy to ponder this more (actually, this is spell cast by Xun Zhen).
•Now, Capn signals Meng to watch out for their rear,  thus keeping the 2 mages in the middle between the two of them.
•The Capn makes short work of one of the remaining bandits at the front but then he encounters difficulty facing off against someone he determines as being definitely not a bandit but rather an assassin sent to sabotage their mission for political reasons. During this fight, Capn notices a boost in his defense (again this is effect of the spell by Xun Zhen). With the help of Xun Zhen, he manages to conquer his foe.
•Back to Meng. He is now fighting against the last two bandits on his side: the other of the planted ‘bandit’ who is really an assassin and a sneaky bandit who’s been seizing opportunities to try to sneak small cuts to him.
•{about here, I need to have Meng dispatch the archer or but later, I don't even know about proper placement of this bit with the archer. Val mentioned about bowstring snapping and that seems the most feasible approach to go for now but not sure how things actually transpire in terms of the archer but obviously I need him out of the way of the party at some point during this fight.}
•Meng makes a slip and in order to correct for it, he turns sideways. This allows the bandit to dart behind him and get a chance at the 2 mages.
•Meng turns around in panic, exposing his entire back to his opponent
•At the same time, Capn still too winded to actually help out Meng but he's having his eyes on things at Meng's end now. {Not sure about his physical position though and not sure that it matters for my write-up.} Seeing Meng in danger, Capn reflexively rushes forward and past Meng to take the fatal cut meant for Meng.
•The Capn gets fatally injured whilst pressing against Meng’s back (to protect him)  and eventually traps the assassin’s broadsword amongst his own ribs.
•Meng turns back around upon feeling weight of Capn sliding off his back and then kills assassin in rage
•Over to the 2 mages who are both holding a dagger in their hands. The bandit was about to slash at Zhang. Xun Zhen sees an opportunity to kill this bandit but in doing so, gets cut on his hand.
•Meng has now turned back towards the bandit who rushed past him and catching the last of the sequence detailed in dot point above, he rushes forward and slays the bandit.


« Last Edit: August 14, 2016, 08:43:30 PM by Moonlake »

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Wulfhere

  • Intimidator of Insolent Upstarts
  • Strolenati
  • Grand Master
  • *
  • Posts: 714
  • Awards Golden Creator Locations Guild Item Guild Lifeforms Guild Hall of Heroes 10 Lifeforms Guild Elite
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #15 on: August 14, 2016, 11:14:36 PM »
•They are ambushed by bandits hiding among the foliage/boulders. In particular, there’s an archer amongst the bandits who takes out the driver and then another bandit seizes the reins. Yin Jiao notices the way the sudden lurch in the carriage and then thinks he hears a faint sound of a heavy object such as a human body falling off at the front.  The driver might well cry out:  An arrow wound could induce shock immediately, but not kill instantly.  The archer would be within 25-30 feet of the carriage to reduce the chance that his arrow would be stopped by the driver's armor.  The people in the carriage would hear the bandit leader shouting orders to grab the reins.  A carriage on a bad road wouldn't have been moving faster than a man on foot could.
•Yin Jiao signals Meng about the ambush. Then, he arranges everybody in the best defensible position possible, with the 2 warriors guarding one door each and the 2 mages in the middle.
•The carriage lurches to a stop.
•From the footsteps outside, Yin Jiao determines that there are about eight or nine ‘bandits’ from their footsteps and that two of them seem to be beyond the level of mere bandits. Glimpses of their gear could show that two leaders are wearing better harness. Therefore, he opts to continue defending his two mage charges from within the inside of the carriage where the advantage in number is mostly nullifed by close range fighting. He also deduces that there might be an archer amongst the bandits else he thinks that Meng might have also picked on the attack on the driver.
•The bandits call for the party to surrender the valuables they are carrying but Yin Jiao say they are not carrying goods. Not believing the party, the bandits decide to use smoke to roust the party out of the carriage. Bandits would also value the passengers as hostages.  There might be friction between them and the assassin, who could cost them a valuable ransom.  
•At this side, there’re only 4 bandits. When the door unexpectedly burst outwards, one bandit is slammed to death/fatal injury while another is cut down amidst surprise of the door. Capn feels an inexplicable link to Meng but too busy to ponder this more (actually, this is spell cast by Xun Zhen). Killed by a door?  Better knocked down, then kicked in the head.
•Now, Capn signals Meng to watch out for their rear,  thus keeping the 2 mages in the middle between the two of them.
•The Capn makes short work of one of the remaining bandits at the front but then he encounters difficulty facing off against someone he determines as being definitely not a bandit but rather an assassin sent to sabotage their mission for political reasons. During this fight, Capn notices a boost in his defense (again this is effect of the spell by Xun Zhen). With the help of Xun Zhen, he manages to conquer his foe. Charging multiple spearmen is a &^%$@:  As you rush one, the others try to spear you.
•Back to Meng. He is now fighting against the last two bandits on his side: the other of the planted ‘bandit’ who is really an assassin and a sneaky bandit who’s been seizing opportunities to try to sneak small cuts to him.
•{about here, I need to have Meng dispatch the archer or but later, I don't even know about proper placement of this bit with the archer. Val mentioned about bowstring snapping and that seems the most feasible approach to go for now but not sure how things actually transpire in terms of the archer but obviously I need him out of the way of the party at some point during this fight.} A snapped bowstring seems awfully convenient.  Let him shoot the Capt., but fail to inflict a disabling wound.  Place him nearby, where one of the fallen bandits' spears can be heaved at him to take him out of the fight.
•Meng makes a slip and in order to correct for it, he turns sideways. This allows the bandit to dart behind him and get a chance at the 2 mages.
•Meng turns around in panic, exposing his entire back to his opponent
•At the same time, Capn still too winded to actually help out Meng but he's having his eyes on things at Meng's end now. {Not sure about his physical position though and not sure that it matters for my write-up.} Seeing Meng in danger, Capn reflexively rushes forward and past Meng to take the fatal cut meant for Meng.
•The Capn gets fatally injured whilst pressing against Meng’s back (to protect him)  and eventually traps the assassin’s broadsword amongst his own ribs.  He could twist as he tries to stab the swordsman, pulling the sword from his opponent's grasp.
•Meng turns back around upon feeling weight of Capn sliding off his back and then kills assassin in rage
•Over to the 2 mages who are both holding a dagger in their hands. The bandit was about to slash at Zhang. Xun Zhen sees an opportunity to kill this bandit but in doing so, gets cut on his hand.
•Meng has now turned back towards the bandit who rushed past him and catching the last of the sequence detailed in dot point above, he rushes forward and slays the bandit.
« Last Edit: August 14, 2016, 11:23:50 PM by Wulfhere »
"Nothing real can defeat us:  Nothing unreal exists."
- Buckaroo Banzai

Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #16 on: August 14, 2016, 11:22:06 PM »
Thanks, Wulf.  :thumbup:

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #17 on: August 16, 2016, 07:27:27 PM »
Okay, new plea for help based on the fact that I've actually gone into actual writing as opposed to just planning:
How do I get the party to remove the back door of the carriage promptly when they are all inside the carriage (they need to get out quick cos ambushed and the ambushers are using smoke to roust them out)? Relevant info are:
  • Available PCs: 2 high level warriors- one a sword user and another broadsword user (Chinese story btw so adjust the weapons for being Chinese for anyone who needs to think in terms of such practical aspects which is mainly why I need help, I have no idea about these stuff); 2 high level mages- one whose power is mainly related to reflection, meditation etc. (no fireballs) but has a few spells that can be used in battle mainly to assist fighters rather than useful for assault directly and another whose power is mainly divination. Both mages armed with daggers.
  • The Carriage- small carriage used for transporting goods by villagers with front and back door. Back door is basically pine board nailed to the walls
  • More context- party needs to remove back door because there is an archer amongst the bandits/ambushers and so the back door is supposed to be their cover so that they can safely move outside to fight. But the whole party is currently trapped inside so the removal of the door obviously needs to be quick cos no allies outside to help.

Any more info needed, just give a shout.
« Last Edit: August 16, 2016, 09:18:10 PM by Moonlake »

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #18 on: August 17, 2016, 09:15:22 PM »
All sorted now, don't worry about this.  :D

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #19 on: August 20, 2016, 02:12:08 AM »
Ergh... new questions. Stuck on the following details:
  • If you are a bunch of bandits and you are surrounding a wagon to rob, roughly how far would you choose to be standing away from it? This is after one of the bandits has seized the reins and then dismounted again.
  • Instead of bashing the back door down as a shield, I'm now going to have the one using the broadsword run out as decoy to attract attention while the sword user sneaks out and circles around to eliminate the archer. But problem is if the bandits are standing quite close, how would they not be alerted when the 2 warriors get out? The fire the bandits started to roust party out would just be made from torches and I don't think it would be really producing smoke real quick or in large amounts. Could be wrong though cos I'm not an outdoors girl and never did camping.

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire


Offline Moonlake

  • Strolenati
  • King
  • *
  • Posts: 907
  • Awards Article Guild Golden Creator Master Questor Hall of Heroes 10 Elite Article Guild Item Guild
    • Moonlake's Fiction Space
    • Awards
Re: urgent help needed on a fighing sequence
« Reply #20 on: August 22, 2016, 07:14:02 PM »
Again, all sorted from help off-site.  :)

Human (Level 2)
Crysilis Embroider -  Apprentice Weaver
Moonlake Ku - Apprentice Strolenati
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 4| CHA: 2 | INT: 3
"Crazy woman devoted to 2 Worlds, 2 Guilds and randomness"
Visiting beloved Dragon Empire