Author Topic: Classified Ad (Read 5455 times)

Artemis495 · « **on:** December 09, 2004, 03:55:11 PM »

FOR SALE:

One slightly used cloak of invulnerability. Remains of previous owner can be cleaned from lining with fat and ashes. Otherwise in good condition. Will take any offer.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #1 on:** June 02, 2005, 12:41:26 PM »

For Trade
Three cursed magic items of your choice for one real map to a dungeon.

Kinslayer · « **Reply #2 on:** June 04, 2005, 02:08:32 AM »

Midian Classifieds (Linking better than a copy-paste of someone else's work. There's some funny stuff in here.)

Psalmanazar · « **Reply #3 on:** October 15, 2005, 10:48:08 AM »

Single green female, seeking same. Must love kids and be ready for commitment. I'm tired of playing games.

WANTED: Adventurers; must be willing to travel. Pay negotiable. Little chance of slow, painful death at the hands of the the lich-king of Nuggathoi.

LOST? CONFUSED? The Ichor God Ixcthaggua has the answer! Free coffee and Grimoire study every wednesday at seven!
"Our doors are always open!"

It's an old joke, but someone has to make it...

MISSING: one cloak of invisibility. If found, please return to Forwen Mallecius, care of the Dancing Goblin Inn. REWARD.

Druid_Wiking · « **Reply #4 on:** February 03, 2006, 03:34:23 PM »

For sale: goblet of infinite replenishing. leaks slightly. five gold

Strolen · « **Reply #5 on:** February 03, 2006, 04:16:16 PM »

Normally I don't post when I don't have something to say but...

I found the slight leak out loud funny.

Druid_Wiking · « **Reply #6 on:** February 10, 2006, 03:05:09 PM »

~~Help wanted: Attempting to evict six orcish squatters. No weapons allowed on premises.~~

already completed by a blind paraplegic halfling.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #7 on:** October 12, 2006, 09:04:34 AM »

Found on the wall of a cave in an ancient tongue:

"Single male into hunting and making arrows seeks female with gathering skills"

manfred · « **Reply #8 on:** October 12, 2006, 09:23:33 AM »

Shouldn't that be pictograms?

OK... now I have to add one, too.

"Gibbering mouther seeks a good listener. Interested in a platonic relationship only, suffering from a depression of having eaten last love interest by chance."

Wulfhere · « **Reply #9 on:** October 12, 2006, 10:41:30 AM »

Lost your motivation? Feeling empty and lifeless? Assertive necromantic firm looking for fresh faces. This is your chance to feel alive again! We are an Equal-Opportunity employer with a unique program for helping the handicapped.

Scrasamax · « **Reply #10 on:** October 12, 2006, 11:35:42 AM »

...and handicapping those we help!

MoonHunter · « **Reply #11 on:** October 27, 2006, 09:03:45 AM »

Dark Side meeting in the basement under old Crowly mansion. Unleash your true inner self and grasp for power. Cookies to be provided.

Wulfhere · « **Reply #12 on:** October 28, 2006, 09:51:09 PM »

Plate Armor for sale, Size XL. Excellent condition, black enameled finish. A must-see with custom detailing, embossed skulls and incantations of doom, and new leather straps and accents. Call Fortress of Despair and ask for Bunny.

Dozus · « **Reply #13 on:** October 29, 2006, 08:10:24 PM »

WANTED: Backstory to +2 bastard sword. Lost loves and an ancient secret preferred. Demons need not apply.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #14 on:** November 02, 2006, 10:30:52 AM »

Surplus Ammo for sale. Several used firearms. All in Good condition. Getting out of adventuring business, everything must go. Contact at Mercenary2158@yahoo2.comnet

Ancient Gamer · « **Reply #15 on:** December 16, 2006, 09:14:29 AM »

Quote from: Dozus on October 29, 2006, 08:10:24 PM

WANTED: Backstory to +2 bastard sword. Lost loves and an ancient secret preferred. Demons need not apply.

Dang! That was a good one!

Strolen · « **Reply #16 on:** December 16, 2006, 10:19:24 AM »

An old one recently rediscovered:

http://www.strolen.com/guild/index.php?topic=1032.0

MoonHunter · « **Reply #17 on:** July 30, 2007, 03:24:58 PM »

Modrus Magic item removal:
Donate those unwanted magical things. We will take those unwanted magic items and cursed items off your hands. we will find said items a good home with a needy, but loving, dungeon. And the best news is the donation is a tax deduction. Picking up in your area this month, send a messenger to us today for pick up.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #18 on:** August 27, 2007, 12:25:01 PM »

One Ancient Evil looking to mentor a new generation of Evil. Learn from my experience, as I have nearly succeeded nearly a dozen times. Become enthralled by my Evil. Contact me by viewing globe.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #19 on:** March 04, 2008, 02:47:06 PM »

Wanted Spellbooks
Will also accept spell scrolls and tablets. Latin, Hebrew, and Arameaic prefered, others at a reduced price.

Kuseru Satsujin · « **Reply #20 on:** March 04, 2008, 05:25:49 PM »

For sale: 40,000 FAMAS assault rifles, never fired, only dropped once.

For sale: 10 AMX-30 Main Battle Tanks, slight design problem, only available in five speed reverse and one speed forward.

For sale: 40,000 used military issue white flags.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #21 on:** September 18, 2008, 11:52:21 PM »

Looking for outdoorsman and experience tomb raiders for an upcomming expedition to the sunny southern continient. Base Pay plus possible reward in exchanged artifacts. Send resume to the Geographic Society Box 37.

Now this is an adventure waiting to happen.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #22 on:** June 01, 2009, 04:03:24 PM »

Universe for sale. Many dramatic plots still useful. Just needs to be touched up a little and some new Heroes need to be added. Contact me at Diety@Diety.Net

Cheka Man · « **Reply #23 on:** June 02, 2009, 05:18:12 PM »

Are you a girl aged 25-30 who has allways longed to be a princess, with the pretty dresses, the servants and the money? It could be you. E-mail Yocasta@aol.com for details.

MoonHunter · « **Reply #24 on:** July 03, 2009, 10:18:51 PM »

Pig Headed but ultimately loyal fighter needed to complete rag tag gang of misfits turned crime fighting team. Aversion to authority, gruff voice, and murky troubled past prefered, as are roof jumping and hand to hand combat skills. Must b ring own weapons. Sweing skills also a bonus, as we need uniforms. Send photo to ........