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Author Topic: The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure  (Read 2383 times)

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Offline CaptainPenguin

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« on: August 28, 2004, 10:53:41 PM »
Mork-pork, Lord of the Seventh Dimensional Vortex, killed four-hundred bunnies today, and the pelts hung from him and his musket like a bloody cloak of rabbits and vomit. He entered the nearest Denny's, and ordered the Bacon-Mushroom Melt, from Wendy's. When told that Wendy's food was not served at Denny's, he transformed into bunnies and devoured them. Then he drop-kicked the nearest whore, and jumped down a manhole to fight a giraffe.
After finishing off the giraffe, he leapt into his invisible jet, much like Wonder Woman's (only he's a she-thing), and crashed into Buddy Holly, who was also in an invisible jet made of Cheddar, thus ending the life of that American legend who was Buddy Holly. Lightbulbs. Ibuprofen.
I like Buddy Holly. I met him once at a kegger. Then I killed him with my Cheddar-cheese-and-Ben-and-Jerry's-Chunky-Monkey invisible jet, right after leaving the Denny's. Then I went on a scalping spree, scalping every orangutan in a three-mile radius, using only a sodering iron.
Then, I returned to my vortex and ate a sandwich. Mmmm... Sandwich. Then I drop-kicked the nearest whore. Tonya Harding.
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Offline Scrasamax

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #1 on: August 29, 2004, 06:58:03 AM »
Sham-Ham, Prince of the Eighth Dimensional vortex concurrently departed his woodland demense upon his fire spewing steed named Foruk Ord Relshab Dreek, or F.O.R.D. and came upon many woodland animals on his way to senseless violence.

Four score and seven rodents, rabbits, and loose chickens were dealt painful quick death in the crushing feet of F.O.R.D. and Sham-Ham rejoiced, though not so much for his four score and seven was a far cry from the four hundred accrued by the Lord of the 7th vortex.

Bitter, Sham-Ham continued on unto the human settlement and came upon it in the night, and the peasants were sore afraid for the roar of F.O.R.D. and quivered in fear. Many of them too were smitten and smited by the crushing feet.

The Dennys is gone, and Wendies is too far away, and thus Sham-Ham declines a culinary conquering, and instead deigns to dine upon a package of soylent green pop-tarts, and a Coke C2YOUAREALLGOINGTODIE

After pillaging through the night, Sham-Ham returned to the safetly of his woodland lair and designed to spy upon Mork-Pork, and was filled with mirth. Was it funny? No. After working the night shift for 12 hours, everything has a bit of humor.


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Offline CaptainPenguin

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #2 on: August 29, 2004, 10:30:15 AM »
Mork-Pork was very miffed indeed, for he found that that blasted Sham-Ham and his F.O.R.D. had leveled a settlement of mortals. Having also discovered that all the employees of Wendy's had been destroyed.
Mork-Pork, intoxicated by a strange mixture of Vanilla Coke, Red Bull, ether, certain bizarre alchemical raegents of uncertain design, the blood of the innocent, and malice, decided that pigs did, indeed, spy for Sham-Ham, that despised Prince of the 8th Dimensional Vortex, to which his Dimensional Vortex was but a sublunary and 1/7th portion. Soon, soon he would have that 8th Dimensional Vortex, and all said tributary vorteces over which it held sway. Law office.
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Offline Luke Lavin

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #3 on: August 29, 2004, 04:38:00 PM »
Yum-Yakka the First Prime of the First Dimensional vortex relished the blood that ran down his hand.  In a pet shop he stood now with amphistaff clutched in one hand.  His day was good he set upon the pets with unabided mirth.  

Three rabits, five dogs, six cats, a score of birds, rodents, two salamanders, and one lazy pet shop owner. Yum-yakka, roared with lively rage. Slain blood spilled around him, he feasted on the guts and heart of his prey.  Tonight was his haunting time, let the Season of Nightmares be know to all! His voduun grab armor hugged him in a living grasp.  Yum-Yakka ascended to his other worldly home on the moon he marked his trail with the blood of a warren of cute fuzzy happy bunnies!

Offline Scrasamax

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #4 on: August 30, 2004, 07:16:46 AM »
Sham-Ham ground his many teeth, all three rows, as sharp as sharks teeth, and halitosis foul enough to gag a vulture. The second evenings venture of F.O.R.D. went well, but Sham-Ham was disgruntled.

The pandimensional fiend Mork-Pork had discovered the porcine spies, so much for sending the pork rind bomb to eliminate the effacious slayer of bunnies. Sham-Ham would have to find another way, another path to pan-vortex domination.

The plan to replace Mork-Porks eyes with rolo chocolate candies fell through since it would be too hard to keep the candy from melting in pan-vortex travel. At least a score of rogue roosters would have to die for that debacle.

Sham-Ham had one last back-up plan, to deploy the Pan-Vortex Mechanized Assault brigade, also known as the 'County Road Commision' to the unenlightened. Sham-Ham prepared his assault with a dump truck, F.O.R.D., a gooseneck trailer, a load of steel road culverts, and a pair of front end loader/back hoes.

There would be savagry.


Stout Lagerale of the Dwarven Guild
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Offline Pengilly

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2005, 12:40:50 AM »
(OOC) This is hilarious! I wish there were more posts like this! But there is, for serious, an awful lot of cheddar stuffage and whore drop-kicking going on.

Yorrick Yodel  killed thirteen rabbits, five ducks, and a swarm of pidgeons. He bludgeoned Mork Pork over the head with Rosie O'Donnell, and stuffed him with cheddar until his stomach exploded. He then proceeded to pluck out Sham Ham's eyes, tape them onto springs, and make googly eye glasses with them. And as for that other one, lets just say he's got a Spicy Green Chile Pepper of DEATH with is name on it.
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Offline Scrasamax

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2005, 03:44:16 PM »
Sham Ham sat back and was curious. The newcomer into the game of the Pan dimensional vortices was interesting. The violation of Mork-Pork with a rotund lesbian was worth a laugh, but the subsequent damage done to a cardboard cut-out of his own likeness was unbearable. Many small animals would have to pay, F.O.R.D.  required the spilt blood of innocents.

Mounting his steed, wreathed in flame, and well stocked with provisions of fresh sliced peaches, an ecclectic mix of contemporary jazz, and an electric weedeater, Sham-Ham departed the 8th dimensional vortex, careful to turn the OPEN neon lights off, and hang a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the pan dimensional doorknob. If any tried to enter, they would either be blasted into the second pan-dimensional vortex, a realm of immense pain and protracted suffering known as Cincinnati, or would be instantly transmogrified into a small carnivorus chipmunk with deep soulfull eyes.

This Yorrick Yodel would be dealt with. Sham Ham preparred for battle by ritualistically eviscerating sixteen and twenty hamsters, and two score of woodchucks with beady eyes...of evil


Stout Lagerale of the Dwarven Guild
STR: 4 | END: 4 | CON: 4 | DEX: 2 | CHA: 2 | INT: 4

Tentacle Tentacle Sanity Schmanity

Offline Pengilly

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2005, 04:32:49 PM »
d**n that conniving Sham-Ham! Always one step ahead! Oh, but he shall pay for his cleverness, and his little pigs too. Yorrick was very displeased with the route that things had taken, (stupid Sham-Ham and his cardboard cutouts!) and to top it off, Sham-Ham had also caused a small shortage of goldfish chipmunks, Yorrick's favourite, at the pet store. Yorrick had a diabolical scheme in mind. Let's just say that good old Sham-Ham was going to have one hell of a time finding an alternative fuel source for his F.O.R.D.......
Bob Saget!

Offline Pengilly

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The Fantastic Fantabulous Bunny-Slaying Adventure
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2005, 10:31:23 PM »
Apparently, Sham-Ham has left the building.....FOREVER.
Bob Saget!