*chops off Pirate's fingers and takes the One Pie, but is then shot full o' arrers by Orcs and dies in the River Blanduin, and the Pie falls into shadow for thousands of years, until a creature related to Hobbits fishes it up, is strangled, bobs yer' uncle, his murderer takes the One Pie down into a nasty little cave and fawns over it for a few thousand years, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.*