"Welcome, ah, Internet Help Desk...it's a tough gig, yea, I figure you got your four basic essential services in our society. You got your police, your fire, ambulance...Internet help desk. You know, Air traffic controllers claim they have the most stressful job...ha! But I'll tell you man, there is nothing that beats the adrenaline buzz of configuring some idiots adsl modem, even though he's running windows 3.1 on a 386 with 4 megs of ram man!"
"Thank you for calling the internet help desk, one of our trained technichians will be with you shortly, please hold..." "Okay..so that's the first thing, the hold button is your best friend, okay? Always put the customer on hold right off the bat, shows 'em who's boss." "Thank you for holding, your call is very important to us, please hold." "Take some of the fight out of 'em you know? Which is important, because when they start telling you they don't know how to use a mouse, or that they've been putting their coffee cup in their cd-rom trey, and they start to realize what an idiot they are, they are gonna be venting all over you my friend. But don't worry,I'm here, I'm a vet, I'm a pro, hell, I've been here eight months." "Okay, thank you for holding, my name's wess, how can I help you?...Un-huh, you can't get your e-mail...oh, that does sound serious, can you be more specific?...You can't, okay, please hold." *Insert long pause* "Thanks for holding, okay, I'm going to need to find out if your running Microsoft outlook express or netscape communicator...No, you don't, okay...Well, look in the top right corner of your screen, do you see a big blue E or a big green N....big black nothing, okay, I'm really sorry, that's totally my fault. Okay, what your gonna need to do, listen to me very carefully, your gonna have to turn your computer on, yea, un-huh, okay I'll wait." "Guys got 10,000 times the power of the computer we used to land on the moon, and he needs me to turn it on." "Okay, good, you got it all booted up? No, sir, please stop kicking it, no, is it turned on? Good, great, okay, what I'm gonna need you to do is read from the big t.v. part, your gonna need to read me the name of the picture you click on the get your e-mail normally...Microsoft Outlook, okay great, goahead and click on that...Up at the top theirs file, view, blah, blah, tools. Click up there, bring it down, click on accounts, okay when the window comes up click on the mail tab, click on the blue text, click on pro...no, tools, tools, tools sir, Microsoft office?..No, no, your not running office, your running the wrong program...No, no It's my fault entirely, just...no...illegal instruction, well, I'm sorry your copy of office must be pooched sir, no, no, you haven't broken any laws, it's an illegal instruction, it's a, a compu....No sir, please stop crying...do not unplug, Do not unplug it...okay, let's just plug it back in then...good, okay excellent, you just let it start up and I'll be right back." Okay..we have a serious twelve o'clock flasher...You know what a twelve o'clock flasher is? It means all the appliances in his house are always flashing twelve o'clock. There's no way it can be done, I've seen guys eat their head-sets trying. It's time to go to plan B." "Sir, do you have a child in the house?"
Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie
