First and foremost, thank you, good Captain, for taking the time.
Yes, that E was a bit sneaky. E = 5, therefore E in the 5th place means that any letter can change by 5 (plus, I could go deeper into the message using MEM, which is short for MEMORY, but I thought I'd keep it simple.) So, you want the bare facts? No codes?
You're not going to like it (or believe it).
It's not very arbitrary at all.
It's more like Sci Fi.
My idea of fun is 'slaying dragons', not rolling dice and pretending.
I am a professional soldier. (think of me as Captain Kirk, only better looking, more deadly, more intelligent, 6'3", and lastly and MOST importantly, ENGLISH)
I am Ra.
(Jo says 'Hi!!!!')
(and she says, 'Not better looking.')
I am 41,030 of your Earth years old.
My IQ is approx 2,000.
I am a secret agent/not so secret these days.
I work for the Federation of Planets Space Agency.
And I am here to PARTY!!!!!
I am immortal in that I will live forever, and cannot be killed (this is YOUR future too, Captain. I am very similar to you physically. If your lifespan hadn't been cut down by Jehovah, you would live forever too, and get to be every bit as clever as I am)
The game isn't a game.
It's an ELF training manual.
Your planet has been invaded by aliens (the EST) for millenia.
(don't listen to me. It's a game without end for you (Jo says she did it in five minutes, but then she's REALLY intelligent). I'd give it, say, fifteen years, at a slow pace)
(here's the EST counter game. 'Wurld Wor IV, a gam uv.... derr!!!' 'I am a hooman bean.' The End.)
You haven't got a chance of decoding what I put here without hundreds of years of practice. (well, Cat Fever Cafe is possible, but then I've already written over 10,000 codes on this site. I am using this Forum as a base of operations. My backup team decode my messages in SECONDS, and implements any plans, etc.)
I aim to have cleared up this mess by 2020.
What am I really doing here?
Does this make more sense, Captain? (I did mention that I'm not from this planet in my first post)
You know, in a lot of ways, cave men were more advanced than modern people. All I had to do was point at the sky when they asked me where I was from, and they UNDERSTOOD what I meant. Let me try again.
(up there ^)
(there, that didn't hurt too much)
However, should this not fit your 'reality set', yes, the code is VERY hard to do. Ignore it and just use the scenario if you like. However, thanks for looking at it.
Why not pop into the cafe for a jam? There's no rules against penguins getting refreshment. I'll decode what you do and say too, yes?
Now listening to 'I'm Gonna Get You', by Bizarre Inc.
'Why waste your time, you know your gonna be mine, you know your gonna be mine, you know your gonna be mine....'
You'll know if Ra's joking or not because when he writes something funny, it is obviously humourous and not a plain statement of fact. Excerpt: 'Explaining the Inexplicable.' Uri Geller.